Intimacy, Sex, Lonely and Relatable: Horny

Horny

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 14:02

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I got turned on by a knothole in a tree trunk because it looked a lot like a woman’s downstairs area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 101

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

What the hell is this workplace?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I decided to rub one out in the office bathroom. I did it twice (morning/afternoon), and both times, there were two different guys clearly doing the same thing. The downstairs office bathroom is apparently a pit of desperation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 384

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 823

You deserved it 3 906

Cravings

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 02:04

Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 420

You deserved it 229

Get it on, bang a gong

By DrySpellcaster - 07/10/2020 16:57

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 236

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Porter

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 606

You deserved it 4 705

By i fuckin love habaneros - 22/07/2016 19:19 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 833

You deserved it 2 387

Volcanic eruption

By Anonymous - 10/01/2020 18:00

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 345

You deserved it 967

By Anonymous - 23/07/2010 00:39 - United Kingdom

I agree, your life sucks 40 855

You deserved it 16 875

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 283

By lonely. - 15/08/2012 16:46 - United States - Buffalo

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 063

You deserved it 8 917

randybryant799 20

Tuesday 11 January 2022 20:31

And now we know why you're not getting laid. Downstairs area???

jkjorn 15

Tuesday 11 January 2022 19:57

Shame on you OP for having such knotty thoughts!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 11 January 2022 15:25

If you do **** a tree, be discreet. You might get canceled by the #TreeToo movement!

jkjorn 15

Tuesday 11 January 2022 19:57

Shame on you OP for having such knotty thoughts!

randybryant799 20

Tuesday 11 January 2022 20:31

And now we know why you're not getting laid. Downstairs area???

diraven 15

Wednesday 12 January 2022 5:57

I don't get it. What's so arousing about a basement? Unless it's a sex dungeon.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, one of my roommates bought new cowboy boots. He insists on wearing them indoors. Every morning he paces up and down the linoleum areas of the apartment with the boots on until he absolutely has to go to work, waking us up with the clomping noises. I and my other roommate work night and graveyard shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 69

Today, no matter how well we tried to raise out daughter, things aren't looking too bright. I was present, I listened, and she told me her problems. My husband was always there for her too, no matter what. She works and studies but her role models consist of celebrities and girls who sell themselves on OnlyFans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 160

The Top

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 912

You deserved it 1 641

Today, I invited my Peruvian girlfriend to my parent’s house for dinner. They decorated the house with Mexican flag and Fiesta lanyards, and bought Taco Bell. My girlfriend is vegetarian and had to explain to them that no, Peru is not a city in Mexico. It’s been 3 hours and she won’t pick up her calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 212

Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married to a man in prison. He gets out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 914

You deserved it 3 886

Today, I was mistaken for an 8th grader because of my height. I'm 32 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 89

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 945

You deserved it 3 743

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 946

You deserved it 6 528