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Today, I noticed that the injury on my hand from three weeks ago no longer hurt. A while later, I accidentally slammed that same hand in a door. FML

#15576968
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18616) - you deserved it (14334)

On 03/31/2011 at 4:53pm - health - by BudmaudeY (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

#20129768
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18612) - you deserved it (3751)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Half-way through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML

#19643133
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18611) - you deserved it (8517)

On 05/18/2012 at 6:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

#20057573
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18611) - you deserved it (3531)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm - animals - by badwolf (man) - United States

Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML

#19577517
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18609) - you deserved it (3389)

On 05/05/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by leftoutdrunk - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

#18438715
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18607) - you deserved it (17277)

On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

#20443271
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18607) - you deserved it (4609)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

#19015871
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18605) - you deserved it (1713)

On 02/07/2012 at 1:38am - misc - by whyme (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I failed to get my drivers licence. My father was the instructor. FML

#13701806
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18603) - you deserved it (23449)

On 11/03/2010 at 1:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

#17968240
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18603) - you deserved it (12026)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Nickname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

#3403324
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18600) - you deserved it (51691)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by kelscait (woman) - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

#2119
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18599) - you deserved it (3481)

On 01/21/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by Daryll - United States (California)

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

#648
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18593) - you deserved it (4390)

On 01/01/2009 at 1:22am - misc - by Nick Nameous - United States (California)



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