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Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

#20067411
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22199) - you deserved it (1253)

On 09/11/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

#20144316
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22199) - you deserved it (5341)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:35pm - love - by lilithfaye (woman) - United States

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

#19998610
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22197) - you deserved it (2130)

On 08/02/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

#7011501
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22196) - you deserved it (2530)

On 12/29/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by patrickRafael (man) - Singapore

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

#316205
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22195) - you deserved it (188306)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by like - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML

#572
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22193) - you deserved it (9548)

On 12/22/2008 at 6:54am - love - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

#19816534
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22193) - you deserved it (3026)

On 06/20/2012 at 1:22am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

#20401140
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22194) - you deserved it (7284)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22262) - you deserved it (2198)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

#20007279
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22189) - you deserved it (2310)

On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

#1933691
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22188) - you deserved it (56744)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:57pm - love - by branded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

#8805892
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22187) - you deserved it (2662)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

#19394272
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22187) - you deserved it (2237)

On 04/02/2012 at 9:37am - misc - by Deadman (man) - United States



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