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Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

#7584154
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18804) - you deserved it (8882)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - intimacy - by mairelys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18804) - you deserved it (4994)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

#450
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18803) - you deserved it (4324)

On 12/04/2008 at 10:45pm - misc - by Kerlane - Sent from mobile version

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

#1499
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18802) - you deserved it (1717)

On 01/17/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on the bus, when the inspector asked to see my ticket. I couldn't find it, and ended up being kicked off the bus while a few of the other passengers jeered at me. I found my ticket on the long walk home, buried in my pocket. FML

#19288997
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18802) - you deserved it (3964)

On 03/16/2012 at 2:41pm - misc - by fuck the fucking cops (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, after spending 3 hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML

#20163199
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18801) - you deserved it (1478)

On 11/14/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by racking-leaves - United States

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

#197849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18800) - you deserved it (46680)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by brows (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

#18547021
476 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18798) - you deserved it (15871)

On 12/18/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by fmT719 - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

#17557500
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18792) - you deserved it (50998)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

#7142367
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18791) - you deserved it (3248)

On 01/04/2010 at 6:30am - intimacy - by sore - Sent from mobile version

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

#15907460
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18789) - you deserved it (54033)

On 04/24/2011 at 10:06am - health - by nohair (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

#19279309
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18788) - you deserved it (8544)

On 03/14/2012 at 9:32pm - misc - by solyana vr1 - United States

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

#14658044
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18787) - you deserved it (41337)

On 01/21/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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