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Today, my girlfriend started a conversation with "I don't want to break up" and ended the conversation with "I think I'd be better off alone." So I guess I'm now single. I think. FML

#19562496
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27365) - you deserved it (2390)

On 05/02/2012 at 7:05am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

#7582501
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27363) - you deserved it (3781)

On 01/26/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML

#13052349
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (5305)

On 09/14/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a little over a week proposed to me. FML

#21478550
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (3038)

On 10/11/2015 at 9:25am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

#20163899
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27360) - you deserved it (2298)

On 11/15/2012 at 12:48am - love - by B-Rad (man) - United States

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

#20068907
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27359) - you deserved it (2387)

On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went into work early so I could get my work all done and leave on time, rather than staying back. The later shift starters had other ideas and called in sick. FML

#21394245
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27359) - you deserved it (2170)

On 04/15/2015 at 6:32pm - work - by Devildrake (man) - Australia

Today, I rang up a good friend to ask her to be one of the two bridesmaids at my upcoming wedding. Before I could ask, she let me know that she would not be attending my wedding, as, "Weddings are expensive, so I'm not attending ones for people that are just acquaintances". FML

#21435764
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27359) - you deserved it (2229)

On 07/03/2015 at 6:30am - misc - by NeedMoreFriends (woman) - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

#70419
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27359) - you deserved it (61222)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend fed a "random mushroom from the woods" to my rabbit. It then had a violent seizure and died. He claims it must have been from "natural causes". FML

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

#6635379
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27354) - you deserved it (17535)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:28pm - kids - by Bill (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

#13850760
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27354) - you deserved it (4374)

On 11/15/2010 at 7:05am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I helped an elderly lady unscrew the cooling tank's cap from her smoking car. My reward? A scalding shower of toxic, pungent antifreeze that erupted moments after removing said cap. She didn't even thank me. FML

#16995369
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27353) - you deserved it (18085)

On 07/06/2011 at 1:27am - misc - by thoughtcrimeno1 - United States (Texas)



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