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Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

#6706699
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24326) - you deserved it (3172)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

#7294693
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24327) - you deserved it (1859)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:18am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my Grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I better start praying for a husband. FML

#13135872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (2701)

On 09/20/2010 at 11:02pm - misc - by kdgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

#12786559
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (3573)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:04pm - health - by Firepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

#19387058
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (4585)

On 04/01/2012 at 6:08am - love - by BigBangCheater (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

#20004451
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24323) - you deserved it (1908)

On 08/05/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by Kolkata - Canada

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

#17869528
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24322) - you deserved it (2268)

On 09/30/2011 at 7:10am - misc - by happymum - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I was at a pie auction. During it, I had to hold a pie in a glass case to be sold. In the middle of the auction, I raised my hand to scratch my face, and dropped the pie and broke the glass. It was worth $1000. FML

#17714395
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24320) - you deserved it (12627)

On 09/10/2011 at 9:18pm - money - by calebeutsler - United States (Texas)

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

#6594222
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24319) - you deserved it (3475)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by drama_queen (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that when my professor had said "For every A there will be an F," he was deadly serious. I earned a 94% mark, which in this class is known as a D. FML

#19684129
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24319) - you deserved it (1764)

On 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm - misc - by dany - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

#19799691
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24318) - you deserved it (10986)

On 06/17/2012 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

#13274240
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24316) - you deserved it (10361)

On 10/01/2010 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, during a snowstorm, I opened my car door to get out. The wind snapped it wide open, then immediately changed course and swung it back at me just as I stepped out, spilling an entire hot cup of coffee all over me. FML

#14809885
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24316) - you deserved it (3895)

On 02/02/2011 at 9:44am - misc - by Biggie (man) - United States (Ohio)



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