Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

#19291503
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (3071)

On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

#13415843
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27244) - you deserved it (2915)

On 10/12/2010 at 1:46am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

#14952947
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27244) - you deserved it (4786)

On 02/12/2011 at 9:21pm - misc - by cs - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

#21406759
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27244) - you deserved it (3587)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

#15933136
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27243) - you deserved it (5320)

On 04/26/2011 at 11:03am - health - by fifthtimesacharm -

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

#21485404
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27243) - you deserved it (1628)

On 10/28/2015 at 11:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

#6719258
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27243) - you deserved it (2359)

On 12/12/2009 at 4:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my neighbor from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

#17405382
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27242) - you deserved it (6301)

On 08/08/2011 at 7:07am - misc - by wahhh (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

#21468800
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27241) - you deserved it (1566)

On 09/15/2015 at 2:05pm - health - by King_of_Cha0s - United States (California)

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

#7140982
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27239) - you deserved it (2756)

On 01/04/2010 at 3:50am - misc - by Michael (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

#21420933
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27239) - you deserved it (10639)

On 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm - animals - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

#21451285
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27239) - you deserved it (14501)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

#6454408
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27237) - you deserved it (5544)

On 11/25/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: