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Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

#20178576
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22541) - you deserved it (1503)

On 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Username (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

#13686698
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22538) - you deserved it (5752)

On 11/02/2010 at 10:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

#2488
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22537) - you deserved it (2311)

On 01/24/2009 at 11:25pm - love - by EpicFail - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

#6764357
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22536) - you deserved it (3412)

On 12/15/2009 at 1:04pm - work - by psychworker - United States (New Jersey)

Today, thinking I was alone in my house, I went downstairs in my underwear, singing at the top of my voice. I strutted into the kitchen to find two middle-aged men I'd never seen before sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. Turns out they will be painting our house for the next two weeks. FML

#20077635
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22539) - you deserved it (3826)

On 09/18/2012 at 10:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

#18271256
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22533) - you deserved it (2035)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:43am - misc - by leaf hater - United States

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

#20539833
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22532) - you deserved it (48868)

On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

#7070620
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22530) - you deserved it (3711)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by welted (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

#21345232
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22530) - you deserved it (1621)

On 01/27/2015 at 6:50pm - work - by bitchypast - United States (Maine)

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

#12920070
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22528) - you deserved it (5999)

On 09/05/2010 at 5:51pm - misc - by noonotme (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22528) - you deserved it (6737)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

#17916897
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22528) - you deserved it (2357)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:40am - misc - by grubbieduc - United States (California)

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

#6433599
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (4799)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:04am - love - by xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx (man) - Singapore



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