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Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

#8994102
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20658) - you deserved it (3094)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:44am - health - by captainkevineff - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

#18650624
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20658) - you deserved it (3408)

On 12/30/2011 at 2:13am - misc - by 3peeps - United States

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

#6401581
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20656) - you deserved it (3724)

On 11/22/2009 at 4:15am - intimacy - by lonewolf2701 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

#20045057
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20657) - you deserved it (2184) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

#13798329
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20649) - you deserved it (4008)

On 11/11/2010 at 2:41am - misc - by robbyrabbit (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

#13818357
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20649) - you deserved it (6658)

On 11/12/2010 at 7:24pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML

#19207356
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20650) - you deserved it (3192)

On 03/03/2012 at 3:27am - health - by fingerhut - United States (California)

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

#19692840
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20648) - you deserved it (7751)

On 05/28/2012 at 9:55am - money - by dammit33 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML

#557
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20646) - you deserved it (7028)

On 12/20/2008 at 7:23am - kids - by Lola - Sent from mobile version

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

#20020707
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20645) - you deserved it (1529)

On 08/14/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

#5839165
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20644) - you deserved it (2166)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:16am - animals - by birdhater (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

#8246413
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20644) - you deserved it (4158)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:32am - love - by Fv-day (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

#20051798
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20643) - you deserved it (1618)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:30am - misc - by MsConfusedd - United States (New Jersey)



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