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Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21313) - you deserved it (5442)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

#13010749
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21309) - you deserved it (5372)

On 09/11/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

#18034258
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21307) - you deserved it (2460)

On 10/20/2011 at 9:13pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

#7993
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (40584)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Big B (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

#7969441
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (2421)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by bystander (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

#14537773
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21299) - you deserved it (5070)

On 01/10/2011 at 9:24pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML

#20113680
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21298) - you deserved it (4698)

On 10/12/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by ClothesHorse (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

#14230878
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21294) - you deserved it (9103)

On 12/17/2010 at 12:14am - work - by iswearicandrive (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

#1809
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21290) - you deserved it (5663)

On 01/19/2009 at 11:23pm - misc - by HeadTrauma - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I woke up at midnight crying, stood up to turn on the lights and face-planted into my wall. FML

#18642505
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21289) - you deserved it (4308)

On 12/29/2011 at 7:01am - health - by Girl-of-very-little-brain (woman) - Canada

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21285) - you deserved it (1880)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

#169078
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21284) - you deserved it (42627)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:20am - love - by Mandy (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

#20483441
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21284) - you deserved it (2603)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm - health - by shitty situation - Canada (Ontario)



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