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Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

#20036858
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25041) - you deserved it (1526)

On 08/23/2012 at 1:24am - work - by BrokeButSmart - United States (Indiana)

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

#6751631
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25040) - you deserved it (4586)

On 12/14/2009 at 12:06pm - love - by Mojo (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I left my window open while practicing the saxophone. My drunk neighbours showed their appreciation for the music with a well-aimed firecracker that set my mattress on fire. My landlord has threatened to evict me as she thinks I set it off. FML

#17965886
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25040) - you deserved it (5112)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by ItaliczZz (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

#21378332
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25039) - you deserved it (84)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:41am - love - by MirandaJones (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

#14528357
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25037) - you deserved it (5078)

On 01/10/2011 at 12:38am - money - by Anonymous -

Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can't open the door. FML

#19533059
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25037) - you deserved it (3537) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/26/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Magicgwen - Sent from mobile version

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25037) - you deserved it (5790)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

#13975115
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25035) - you deserved it (6935)

On 11/25/2010 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML

#18600051
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25036) - you deserved it (1978)

On 12/24/2011 at 5:05pm - health - by AllergyRidden - United States (California)

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

#21341011
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25033) - you deserved it (4759)

On 01/20/2015 at 3:24pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

#13268131
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25031) - you deserved it (3535)

On 09/30/2010 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

#17889211
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25031) - you deserved it (7242)

On 10/02/2011 at 6:14pm - love - by bastard magnet - United States (California)

Today, in art class, our instructor called me up to the front to model for a drawing. I agreed to pose because it was nice to be called on, and I needed a self-esteem boost. He then thanked me, saying it's a great exercise for the class to draw such strange proportions. FML

#20202076
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25031) - you deserved it (2124)

On 12/12/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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