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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21653) - you deserved it (11892)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

#7093721
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21650) - you deserved it (2487)

On 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm - animals - by ninjapup (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

#19343109
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21650) - you deserved it (1750)

On 03/25/2012 at 3:12am - misc - by LesToiliettes - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

#19997037
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21648) - you deserved it (15034)

On 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21648) - you deserved it (5947)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

#4495207
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21647) - you deserved it (51134)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I lost two terabytes' worth of photos to a friend's incompetence. He said he could save me some money and fix my slow computer for free. He ended up wiping the hard drive, and along with it, my photography portfolio from the last five years. FML

#20032826
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21647) - you deserved it (14764)

On 08/20/2012 at 10:30pm - misc - by ThisGirl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

#20042606
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21643) - you deserved it (10811)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:20pm - misc - by S. (woman) - Estonia

Today, I went to an underwear shop, and an employee recommended me a push-up bra. I was wearing one. FML

#1427
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21640) - you deserved it (2059)

On 01/17/2009 at 6:31am - misc - by Pakundo - Sent from mobile version

Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

#13270090
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21638) - you deserved it (2545)

On 09/30/2010 at 10:54pm - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

#21096245
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21638) - you deserved it (50164)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by testacular (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

#18414489
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21634) - you deserved it (3184)

On 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by bad blood, no shit (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

#20167650
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21633) - you deserved it (3024)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:45am - love - by jasmith - United States (Texas)



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