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Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

#14606739
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22624) - you deserved it (4212)

On 01/16/2011 at 10:59pm - misc - by sos (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we had movers come in to take all of our stuff as the final step to our move to the States. We have our flight scheduled for tomorrow evening. Thing is, they accidentally took my carry-on bag without my knowledge. In that carry-on there was a little something called a passport. FML

#20093240
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22624) - you deserved it (2795)

On 09/29/2012 at 3:39am - misc - by bluefrisky - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

#8540042
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22623) - you deserved it (3293)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:17am - love - by shwasted (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

#19575961
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22623) - you deserved it (1892)

On 05/05/2012 at 3:19am - health - by markzar - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

#20397361
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22623) - you deserved it (4683)

On 12/12/2012 at 10:43pm - misc - by McFizzy321 - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

#20950083
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22622) - you deserved it (5495)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML

#17064042
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22619) - you deserved it (6157)

On 07/11/2011 at 6:53am - work - by leahneedssleep (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

#19945727
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22619) - you deserved it (2354)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

#18560228
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22616) - you deserved it (2021)

On 12/20/2011 at 7:46am - health - by ouch (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

#19194281
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22614) - you deserved it (18964)

On 03/01/2012 at 6:35am - intimacy - by ShitFaced (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

#10863158
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (6527)

On 05/30/2010 at 12:53pm - animals - by Alexander (man) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

#19031754
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (1827)

On 02/09/2012 at 12:37am - misc - by Ihaveaheadache - United States (Texas)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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