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Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16215) - you deserved it (46922)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

#20100991
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16215) - you deserved it (2116)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:20am - animals - by acme - Israel

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

#17010843
704 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16213) - you deserved it (86884)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by shit - United States

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

#6286266
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16213) - you deserved it (10686)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:53am - misc - by teepee - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

#7398429
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16211) - you deserved it (5441)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by ChubbyTubby (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML

#18043699
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16211) - you deserved it (46467)

On 10/22/2011 at 2:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

#13075106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16208) - you deserved it (9180)

On 09/16/2010 at 4:06pm - misc - by locker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

#20168119
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16208) - you deserved it (2012)

On 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

#7608615
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16207) - you deserved it (3359)

On 01/27/2010 at 6:55am - intimacy - by Patrick - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML

#12812142
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16205) - you deserved it (6095)

On 08/29/2010 at 10:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

#14032053
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16205) - you deserved it (27549)

On 11/30/2010 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML

#18371495
113 comments

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

#17071540
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16202) - you deserved it (14542)

On 07/11/2011 at 9:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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