Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband threw up in the shower after drinking almost a whole bottle of wine. The shower won't drain now. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

#12687636
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23799) - you deserved it (7693)

On 08/22/2010 at 7:33pm - misc - by Nick - Sent from mobile version

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23798) - you deserved it (35415)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

#14205128
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23798) - you deserved it (20608)

On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

#13538195
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23800) - you deserved it (8237)

On 10/21/2010 at 3:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

#19716436
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23799) - you deserved it (3786)

On 06/01/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by kay (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

#19781489
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23796) - you deserved it (3250)

On 06/13/2012 at 10:50am - work - by lonelyharts86 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

#20164653
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23796) - you deserved it (1566)

On 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

#20036858
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23793) - you deserved it (1444)

On 08/23/2012 at 1:24am - work - by BrokeButSmart - United States (Indiana)

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a foul smell while on elliptical machine. I figured it was the little old lady on the machine next to me. It was so bad I had to leave. When I got in my truck, I realized the smell had followed me. It was me. My cat had pissed on my workout clothes. FML

#13402192
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23792) - you deserved it (8094)

On 10/11/2010 at 2:00am - health - by cdubb27 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

#15000344
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23791) - you deserved it (36380)

On 02/16/2011 at 7:56am - misc - by rhartnett11 -

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

#4805621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23790) - you deserved it (31298)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:17am - misc - by ElevatorThug (man) - Singapore

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

#7276638
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23788) - you deserved it (9959)

On 01/11/2010 at 10:28am - work - by bs_happens (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2 : School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: