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Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

#16886368
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (38338)

On 06/27/2011 at 7:34pm - intimacy - by nomorefreehugs - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24241) - you deserved it (6179)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I drove over 200km from Dublin to Galway, with a broken window. It rained for most of the journey. FML

#15029210
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24241) - you deserved it (5109)

On 02/18/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by Socarates - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I helped an elderly lady unscrew the cooling tank's cap from her smoking car. My reward? A scalding shower of toxic, pungent antifreeze that erupted moments after removing said cap. She didn't even thank me. FML

#16995369
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24238) - you deserved it (16920)

On 07/06/2011 at 1:27am - misc - by thoughtcrimeno1 - United States (Texas)

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

#7966871
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24237) - you deserved it (2174)

On 02/07/2010 at 7:31am - misc - by wallbanger - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I spent the night with my boyfriend as he promised me that his parents and younger brother, who I have yet to meet, were out of town until Tuesday. We were awoken by his mother screaming, telling me that she doesn't want girls in the house corrupting her baby boy. He's 20. FML

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

#20068205
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24238) - you deserved it (1890)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm - health - by ledentist - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

#17725574
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24233) - you deserved it (2719)

On 09/12/2011 at 1:30am - misc - by silent one - United States

Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas. After a break, I came back to find someone had re-positioned the wooden reindeer to make it look like they were humping. FML

#14115471
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24233) - you deserved it (7937)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML

#20019125
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24232) - you deserved it (1525)

On 08/13/2012 at 6:12pm - love - by impickingyourhomegran (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

#17962903
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24232) - you deserved it (12018)

On 10/11/2011 at 9:11pm - love - by Andrew - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24229) - you deserved it (43087)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

#21383678
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24229) - you deserved it (2053)

On 03/29/2015 at 5:18pm - misc - by coldasfire - United States



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