Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

#17620390
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19891) - you deserved it (3434)

On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

#20125284
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19891) - you deserved it (4592)

On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

#6437512
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19888) - you deserved it (4858)

On 11/24/2009 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by deathbysnoosnoo - United States (California)

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

#7164896
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19887) - you deserved it (10993)

On 01/05/2010 at 3:24pm - love - by katiekat (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML

#19188857
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19887) - you deserved it (14603)

On 02/29/2012 at 1:10pm - love - by CptZoe - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, I tried to set up my brand new washer and dryer. How hard can it be, right? After cutting my hand in 3 places on the dryer vent, I finished it off with electrocuting myself. So much for being a domestic goddess. FML

#6014859
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19887) - you deserved it (8821)

On 10/26/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by annie00016 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that a family member found a publisher for his book; his badly written, terribly sourced, historically inaccurate book that insults and misrepresents most world cultures and religions. If this actually makes it to print, I'll never be able to use my maiden name again. FML

#19620851
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19885) - you deserved it (1884)

On 05/14/2012 at 3:37am - misc - by AmatureLitCritic - United States (Oregon)

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

#20155172
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19884) - you deserved it (2135)

On 11/08/2012 at 4:22pm - misc - by Anonimo (woman) - Italy (Sardegna)

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML

#13814299
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19885) - you deserved it (37566)

On 11/12/2010 at 11:31am - intimacy - by lisacasabonita (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "F*ck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

#19775442
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19883) - you deserved it (7340)

On 06/12/2012 at 6:34am - misc - by perfectman (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19883) - you deserved it (35857)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

#19426271
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19881) - you deserved it (3167)

On 04/07/2012 at 10:10pm - misc - by Millian2 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

#13502195
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19880) - you deserved it (2355)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: