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Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

by AdoKitty / 06/10/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 8:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2014 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Wakefield) / Work

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

by pedestrian / 01/26/2011 at 12:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

by CDeVeney92 / 03/17/2012 at 12:37am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

by notsobig / 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

by me / 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Work

Today, my boyfriend is trying to get me to cut my hair, wear different clothes, apply my makeup differently, and even change my morals and values to match his mother's. FML

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2015 at 3:24pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

by anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

by ohgodwhy / 02/10/2012 at 4:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

by Tey / 12/21/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Work