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Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

#8565371
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24745) - you deserved it (6721)

On 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm - work - by Patrick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24745) - you deserved it (2695)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

#19612564
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24743) - you deserved it (3108)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm - animals - by aliqi (man) - United States

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24743) - you deserved it (11257)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

#20489863
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24741) - you deserved it (6057)

On 02/02/2013 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

#21335609
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24740) - you deserved it (6737)

On 01/12/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML

#21418659
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24740) - you deserved it (5117)

On 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

#6351075
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24738) - you deserved it (2413)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

#10903996
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24738) - you deserved it (5367)

On 06/01/2010 at 8:31am - misc - by girlllll (woman) - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

#17447150
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24738) - you deserved it (28128)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:14am - intimacy - by fml - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

#13610970
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24738) - you deserved it (5097)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:07am - health - by haleyfml - United States (California)

Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML

#15043066
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24736) - you deserved it (3730)

On 02/19/2011 at 4:23pm - work - by Brendan - Canada



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