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Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

#548295
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22603) - you deserved it (63163)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:46am - intimacy - by whatever (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

#504
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22598) - you deserved it (6341)

On 12/12/2008 at 11:53pm - misc - by Peel - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

#18943699
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22597) - you deserved it (5103)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

#855959
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22593) - you deserved it (94496)

On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

#20042606
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22593) - you deserved it (11219)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:20pm - misc - by S. (woman) - Estonia

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

#2866
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (1744)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:02pm - work - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML

#19233138
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (2209)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:24pm - work - by Me - United States

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

#6594222
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22590) - you deserved it (3310)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by drama_queen (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

#8243991
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22590) - you deserved it (1946)

On 02/14/2010 at 10:19am - intimacy - by CheatedOn (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

#9048258
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22590) - you deserved it (9883)

On 03/13/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by smellsgood (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

#20060240
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22586) - you deserved it (9270)

On 09/06/2012 at 8:46am - love - by Ashley - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

#20877518
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22586) - you deserved it (67950)

On 09/11/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by lyfisdyno - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

#18712372
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22584) - you deserved it (3109)

On 01/05/2012 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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