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Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

#20161095
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23801) - you deserved it (3984)

On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

#17705736
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23800) - you deserved it (6013)

On 09/09/2011 at 6:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband threw up in the shower after drinking almost a whole bottle of wine. The shower won't drain now. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23798) - you deserved it (35414)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

#14205128
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23798) - you deserved it (20608)

On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

#13081151
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23798) - you deserved it (8675)

On 09/17/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by happy bday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

#13538195
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23798) - you deserved it (8237)

On 10/21/2010 at 3:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

#12687636
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23797) - you deserved it (7693)

On 08/22/2010 at 7:33pm - misc - by Nick - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

#21397904
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23807) - you deserved it (2057)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:06am - work - by -_- (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

#10496358
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23796) - you deserved it (7729)

On 05/12/2010 at 10:18pm - misc - by honorstudent - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

#19716436
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23795) - you deserved it (3785)

On 06/01/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by kay (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

#19781489
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23795) - you deserved it (3248)

On 06/13/2012 at 10:50am - work - by lonelyharts86 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

#20164653
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23794) - you deserved it (1566)

On 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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