Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16198) - you deserved it (43044)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that the only things I gained from my masters programs are more debt and the knowledge that you can use a semicolon in a list. FML

#8437472
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16199) - you deserved it (4505)

On 02/19/2010 at 7:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML

#20067647
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16197) - you deserved it (3441)

On 09/11/2012 at 3:16pm - love - by Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

#4066
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16194) - you deserved it (6359)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:30am - love - by kill me - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

#8409963
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16192) - you deserved it (3254)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:08pm - love - by gp28 - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

#13727152
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16192) - you deserved it (4893)

On 11/05/2010 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, a black cat crossed in front of my truck and I thought to myself that it was funny people believe black cats bring bad luck. Not even two minutes later, I drove my truck into a ditch. FML

#8338090
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16190) - you deserved it (8532)

On 02/16/2010 at 12:56pm - animals - by matiasbarbero - United States

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

#19355965
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16189) - you deserved it (2857)

On 03/27/2012 at 3:40am - misc - by blueglover - United States (California)

Today, I've been diagnosed with a severe lung infection. This causes me to viciously hack up a lung every two minutes or so. Not only can I barely breathe as it is, my job requires lots of running around, cleaning and interacting with customers. I have a five-hour shift tonight. FML

#19529513
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16189) - you deserved it (1406)

On 04/25/2012 at 9:27pm - health - by MissMae93 (woman) - United States

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

#19993921
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16183) - you deserved it (2064)

On 07/31/2012 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

#3249982
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16181) - you deserved it (44126)

On 06/26/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by Saucy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

#974
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16179) - you deserved it (1573)

On 01/11/2009 at 3:59pm - health - by EpicFail - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

#4051
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16178) - you deserved it (56199)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:04am - intimacy - by DDD - Sent from mobile version



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: