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Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7056) - you deserved it (35311)
On 08/02/2009 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, I learned the hard way that if you're going to pour bleach on bugs to kill them, you need to be prepared for them to fly up and try to attack your face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7055) - you deserved it (27831)
On 11/21/2010 at 12:39am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came in and started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him "I'm really drunk, so I really couldn't give a shit about what you did." It was my girlfriend's father picking her up to go home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7054) - you deserved it (51625)
On 08/13/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by drunkard (man) - Germany (Bayern)
Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7054) - you deserved it (21096)
On 12/20/2009 at 2:52am - health - by nikko blue - United States (California)
Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7048) - you deserved it (44874)
On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7049) - you deserved it (25412)
On 10/02/2010 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML
I agree, your life sucks (7047) - you deserved it (33127)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - work - by whatproject (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7047) - you deserved it (21588)
On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7047) - you deserved it (12372)
On 03/16/2012 at 2:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7044) - you deserved it (30036)
On 08/21/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by onebadwave (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7044) - you deserved it (42730)
On 06/30/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by budbunny13 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride:1 - Getting Laid:0. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7042) - you deserved it (71706)
On 08/20/2009 at 1:45am - love - by razgriz1 (man) - United States (Washington)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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