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Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

#14281367
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22030) - you deserved it (6178)

On 12/21/2010 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

#19805199
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22029) - you deserved it (3539)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:57am - love - by crazybitch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

#20102886
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22028) - you deserved it (11907)

On 10/05/2012 at 12:40pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

#20099296
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (1444)

On 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm - work - by Sara (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

#18942178
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22025) - you deserved it (2150)

On 01/29/2012 at 11:23am - misc - by scared for life (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22023) - you deserved it (5289)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

#20175516
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22022) - you deserved it (1318)

On 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

#6132995
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22014) - you deserved it (32919)

On 11/03/2009 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML

#18184831
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22014) - you deserved it (5251)

On 11/07/2011 at 3:49pm - misc - by Olorin (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

#8507501
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22012) - you deserved it (4532)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:44am - misc - by weirdo - United States (California)

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

#8118993
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22012) - you deserved it (4463)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:14am - love - by sari14 - United States (Virginia)

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

#12910984
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22012) - you deserved it (4278)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by kaytay2469 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

#17436127
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22012) - you deserved it (13545)

On 08/11/2011 at 12:53am - misc - by Username - United States



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