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Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

#19756840
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23829) - you deserved it (2071)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:54pm - love - by SprinklerDodger (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

#20443881
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23827) - you deserved it (3853)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by so embarrassed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up on the coldest morning of the year to discover that the gas fireplace has run out of propane, and there is no water because the pipes are frozen. While trying to locate the frozen pipe, I forgot to let the dog out, and she peed on the carpet. FML

#7124325
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23825) - you deserved it (4804)

On 01/03/2010 at 11:04am - animals - by BW (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

#14023923
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23825) - you deserved it (50699)

On 11/29/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

#5449988
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23824) - you deserved it (2053)

On 09/24/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by Madison43097 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

#18644293
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23823) - you deserved it (2588)

On 12/29/2011 at 1:39pm - misc - by tickle spunk - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23824) - you deserved it (5935)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

#6441496
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23823) - you deserved it (6007)

On 11/25/2009 at 1:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23822) - you deserved it (6954)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

#20183959
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23822) - you deserved it (1500)

On 11/29/2012 at 1:08pm - work - by bitch i'm a gerontophile (man) - Taiwan

Today, I was at a window seat on a bus full of people when I saw a person lying motionless in a gutter. I jumped up, nearly hysterical, screaming for the driver to stop because there was a guy really hurt on the road. An emergency stop and huge commotion ensued. It turned out to be some garbage. FML

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

#18649632
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23820) - you deserved it (2878)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Ashton Sprunger - United States



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