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Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

#19194281
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22614) - you deserved it (18964)

On 03/01/2012 at 6:35am - intimacy - by ShitFaced (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I did a really good job playing someone who was really airheaded in my school's play. I wasn't trying to act like an airhead, the director told me that I got cast for the part because the character I was playing was "just like me". FML

#6182912
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (6122)

On 11/06/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Airhead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

#10863158
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22616) - you deserved it (6527)

On 05/30/2010 at 12:53pm - animals - by Alexander (man) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

#19031754
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22614) - you deserved it (1827)

On 02/09/2012 at 12:37am - misc - by Ihaveaheadache - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

#6125529
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22612) - you deserved it (2583)

On 11/02/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by justin_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

#19039937
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22611) - you deserved it (2281)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:59am - love - by 1.30am (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

#14531234
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22612) - you deserved it (3338)

On 01/10/2011 at 8:23am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

#19907093
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22610) - you deserved it (1469)

On 07/07/2012 at 11:16pm - work - by cj1012 - United States

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

#5573179
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22610) - you deserved it (11727)

On 09/30/2009 at 8:56pm - misc - by QuestionMyLife - United States (Kansas)

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

#14600676
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22607) - you deserved it (7921)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I confirmed that my neighbors burn their garbage in their backyard. How? My dog just threw up a nice smelly consistency of spaghetti, plastic and cigarette butts on my carpet. FML

#14954664
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22603) - you deserved it (3369)

On 02/13/2011 at 3:36am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

#19561558
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22603) - you deserved it (2490)

On 05/01/2012 at 11:59pm - animals - by Monkeyless (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

#548295
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22602) - you deserved it (63161)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:46am - intimacy - by whatever (man) - United States (North Dakota)



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