Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19882) - you deserved it (35857)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

#13502195
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19881) - you deserved it (2355)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

#19426271
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19881) - you deserved it (3167)

On 04/07/2012 at 10:10pm - misc - by Millian2 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML

#19637949
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19881) - you deserved it (2211)

On 05/17/2012 at 6:02pm - work - by poseidon5213 - United States (California)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

#5509745
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19880) - you deserved it (2578)

On 09/27/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by e11ie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

#8835059
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19880) - you deserved it (3136)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:51pm - misc - by Grossed_out (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

#19091480
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19881) - you deserved it (4112)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:43am - animals - by parkertownparadise (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting up lights, playing Christmas music, and wearing bells on our uniforms. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I can't even have a tinkle without full-blown jingling. FML

#18247729
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19877) - you deserved it (2342)

On 11/14/2011 at 4:53pm - work - by unhappyelf - United States

Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as revenge. FML

#8776576
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19876) - you deserved it (4608)

On 03/02/2010 at 5:05pm - misc - by Natalie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

#18199894
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19876) - you deserved it (3163)

On 11/09/2011 at 5:57am - misc - by LukeyBoy - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about 4 minutes. Then she said "Can I have my hand back?" FML

#1552
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19878) - you deserved it (2891)

On 01/18/2009 at 7:12am - love - by vargasm - United States (New York)

Today, I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling, but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift, I passed out, fell off my stand, and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML

#20024083
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19874) - you deserved it (2323)

On 08/16/2012 at 5:57am - work - by Soap0015 - United States

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

#20075333
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19871) - you deserved it (1959)

On 09/16/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by Blueberry (woman) - United States (Iowa)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: