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Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21571) - you deserved it (3715)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

#8031607
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21573) - you deserved it (4570)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied - Sent from mobile version

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

#19283083
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21568) - you deserved it (5694) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/15/2012 at 3:28pm - health - by Sica - France

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

#20120354
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21566) - you deserved it (1600)

On 10/16/2012 at 10:48pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

#14065722
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21567) - you deserved it (3735)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

#9572677
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21564) - you deserved it (8700)

On 04/02/2010 at 7:33am - misc - by Gina - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I found out that my parents don't know the difference between a foreign person and a deaf person. They've been yelling at our exchange student for the past 2 days. FML

#20034373
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21564) - you deserved it (1394)

On 08/21/2012 at 7:17pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

#20187746
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21564) - you deserved it (1876)

On 12/02/2012 at 9:05am - misc - by Sam - United States (Indiana)

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

#5346939
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21562) - you deserved it (3041)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

#19031754
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21561) - you deserved it (1750)

On 02/09/2012 at 12:37am - misc - by Ihaveaheadache - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

#155544
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21559) - you deserved it (42130)

On 02/27/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by bojangles (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

#6300259
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21559) - you deserved it (6472)

On 11/14/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by SpeakerPhone (woman) - France (Alsace)



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