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Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML

#6367653
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20490) - you deserved it (5819)

On 11/19/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by Sam_Licker81 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

#13257198
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20488) - you deserved it (3935)

On 09/29/2010 at 11:17pm - animals - by peepee. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

#18037423
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20488) - you deserved it (11676)

On 10/21/2011 at 7:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after working for over ten years at a dead-end factory line, I told my friends I was going to take some business courses and land myself a real job. All they've done since is laugh, mock me, and say that if Clinton couldn't fix the economy, I have no chance. FML

#18350562
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20487) - you deserved it (2560)

On 11/25/2011 at 8:37pm - work - by workworkwork - United States (Florida)

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

#18905780
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20486) - you deserved it (16367)

On 01/25/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Paicked (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

#14583588
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20486) - you deserved it (2940)

On 01/14/2011 at 11:24pm - animals - by inchetogb - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

#19462590
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20485) - you deserved it (2417)

On 04/13/2012 at 6:40pm - misc - by clitty clitty bang bang (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

#20790528
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20484) - you deserved it (41999)

On 07/18/2013 at 2:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

#20151103
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20483) - you deserved it (1415)

On 11/06/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by rastamerican - United States (California)

Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML

#8708585
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20481) - you deserved it (6140)

On 02/28/2010 at 1:31am - health - by annonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20477) - you deserved it (59862)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

#2442795
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20475) - you deserved it (49327)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)



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