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Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

#5292418
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19907) - you deserved it (93716)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

#20942793
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19906) - you deserved it (39717)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by FUCKING POWER - United States (Michigan)

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

#8673018
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19906) - you deserved it (13887)

On 02/26/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by bun593 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19904) - you deserved it (33969)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

#13251603
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19901) - you deserved it (3167)

On 09/29/2010 at 5:29pm - health - by bitter cherry - United States (Minnesota)

Today, some construction workers kept going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They decided it would be easier to just prop the door open for the next hour. It's 20 degrees outside, and I'm wearing a dress. FML

#14543942
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19902) - you deserved it (6090)

On 01/11/2011 at 9:45am - work - by bitty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

#569980
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19901) - you deserved it (53256)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by nessacadesa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came to my workplace and presented me with a lock of his hair. His pubic hair that he'd just cut. FML

#8507226
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19900) - you deserved it (2621)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:32am - intimacy - by emih (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

#17620390
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19899) - you deserved it (3434)

On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." FML

#19598076
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19899) - you deserved it (1723)

On 05/09/2012 at 4:10pm - work - by dan (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML

#19838088
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19897) - you deserved it (4594)

On 06/24/2012 at 6:57am - misc - by thankspal (woman) - United States

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

#6437512
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19896) - you deserved it (4859)

On 11/24/2009 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by deathbysnoosnoo - United States (California)

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "F*ck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

#19775442
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19892) - you deserved it (7341)

On 06/12/2012 at 6:34am - misc - by perfectman (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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