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Today, I was in the car going to a concert with my family. I was listening to my iPod, when the wheel broke and I couldn't change the song. So for the rest of the trip, I was stuck either listening to my parents arguing, or Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin on repeat. FML

by dontworrybehappy / 08/28/2010 at 2:07am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 11:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML

by Brendan / 02/19/2011 at 4:23pm / Canada / Work

Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2015 at 12:56pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

by BrakesNotBumpers / 06/12/2015 at 5:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I asked a guy out on a coffee date, and we started talking about our mutual careers. At the end of the date he asked me if I had any more questions about job opportunities or any more advice, then shook my hand and gave me his contact card. FML

by myrie / 02/02/2009 at 7:54pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

by afraidtosleep / 10/13/2012 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML

by B-Rizzle / 12/20/2009 at 8:40am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

by metallifreak44 / 11/14/2011 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

by C. Kronick / 02/11/2009 at 12:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything..." FML

by Skimilk / 02/17/2010 at 9:47pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

by bannana0zoom / 03/03/2012 at 3:06am / Canada (Alberta) / Health