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Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

#19134075
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23080) - you deserved it (2820)

On 02/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by kohler9790 - United States

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

#15031237
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23080) - you deserved it (7831)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:06pm - misc - by rachel - United States (California)

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

#19680165
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23076) - you deserved it (2270)

On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

#6822450
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23074) - you deserved it (2242)

On 12/19/2009 at 1:20am - animals - by dog_day (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

#17644217
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23073) - you deserved it (8033)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML

#18894486
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23073) - you deserved it (2334)

On 01/23/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by Suzie Leone (woman) - United States

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

#17584305
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23072) - you deserved it (3619)

On 08/26/2011 at 6:41am - love - by the girlfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

#21315600
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23072) - you deserved it (11015)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by cigarettes - United States

Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML

#13276180
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23070) - you deserved it (2647)

On 10/01/2010 at 12:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

#13800215
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23071) - you deserved it (2696)

On 11/11/2010 at 9:27am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

#222376
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23070) - you deserved it (47463)

On 03/05/2009 at 10:25pm - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

#13317207
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23069) - you deserved it (48391)

On 10/04/2010 at 2:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

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  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

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