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Slovenia

Today, I've spent hours looking at photos of my husband and his ex-girlfriends that his mother keeps in a photo album. She doesn't have any pictures of us. We're married and expecting our first child. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 18 September 2017 21:45 / Slovenia - Medvode
World
Poland

Today, I realized that all my teammates have bigger tits than I do. I'm the only girl on the team. FML

By footballist - / Friday 8 September 2017 23:15 / Poland - Polska
World
Belgium

Today, after an exhausting renovation, we finally took some time to cook a nice dinner. We got to relax for a full hour before our downstairs neighbour informed us that any water we use leaks through her ceiling. Four experts came. No one can find the leak. FML

By anon - / Sunday 3 September 2017 21:45 / Belgium - Aarschot
World
Netherlands

Today, I suddenly awoke on the couch in the dark early-morning hours to the pungent odor of something burning. I ran all throughout the house looking for a fire but there was no sign of it. Exhausted, I crashed back down on the couch and let one rip. It had been me. FML

By FireFarter - / Wednesday 30 August 2017 21:45 / Netherlands - Amsterdam
World
Germany

Today, my considerate-to-a-fault boyfriend decided to break up with me because he felt that he made me unhappy. I spent the next 3 hours convincing him that I'm happy with him and just going through a rough patch of depression. FML

By DepressedSigh - / Sunday 27 August 2017 21:45 / Germany
World
Austria

Today, I got my period while spray tanning. FML

By pechfogl - / Saturday 26 August 2017 21:45 / Austria
World
Singapore

Meth: Not Even Once

Today, I had to sit beside this crazy man on the bus. After trying to ignore his ranting about being the Messiah, he suddenly stood up and cursed me as Satan, loudly screaming that he won't be tempted by my devilish ways. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 26 August 2017 03:45 / Singapore
World
Indonesia

Today, whilst on holiday in Bali, I set off on my way to the day spa for 4 hours of much-needed relaxation. I tripped about a meter away from the entrance and broke my arm. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 25 August 2017 05:45 / Indonesia - Bali
World
Egypt

Kaboom!

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air and tried catching it with one hand, but I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, so in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it in less than 5 seconds later. FML

By stupidity - / Wednesday 23 August 2017 21:45 / Egypt - Cairo
World
Egypt

Today, I took a picture of a carrot that closely resembled a penis and sent it to one of my friends. My parents saw the photo and grounded me, thinking it was an actual dick pic. They refuse to believe otherwise. FML

By Havinci - / Tuesday 22 August 2017 20:00 / Egypt
World
Czech Republic

Today, my mates and I decided to get inked. I chose a chest tattoo of my last name, Coch. I'll let you guess what it looked like when I was finally able to inspect the damage. FML

By James - / Sunday 20 August 2017 16:00 / Czech Republic - Prague
World
Denmark

Today, while waiting in line at the supermarket, a mother told me to be considerate and not buy the candy I was paying for, because it made her screaming toddler jealous. FML

By Candy girl - / Sunday 20 August 2017 01:30 / Denmark
World
Romania

Today, I went on my first date in a year with a guy I met just a couple hours ago. I went back to my hotel to get better dressed and met him at the bar. I brought my purse, he brought his girlfriend. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 17 August 2017 22:45 / Romania
World
Singapore

Today, on my second week in my new job, I opened my desk drawer of snacks. Apparently no one had bothered to tell me that there's an office rat or mouse that the building management refuses to do anything about. FML

By Stan017 - / Thursday 17 August 2017 03:45 / Singapore - Singapore
World
Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while I was skyping two of my guy friends, my mom barged into my room to show me a really nice new lipstick she bought and wanted me to try on. It was a beautiful red color and as I asked how I looked with it on, my mother laughed and responded with "hahaha you look like a hooker." FML

By Krysis - / Tuesday 15 August 2017 15:45 / Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad
World
Brunei

Today, I've finally gathered the courage to tell someone I have schizophrenia. My ex-friends found about it and decided to make fun of me for it by saying that "maybe I have an attention seeking disorder too" and spreading it among our peers. FML

By Melonn3105 - / Tuesday 15 August 2017 03:45 / Brunei
World
Netherlands

Today, I asked my boyfriend to meet me in the park to talk. Just when I wanted to break up, he knelt down on one knee and proposed. I had to reject him in front of a whole crowd of people. FML

By rubyroyal123 - / Sunday 13 August 2017 21:45 / Netherlands
World
Switzerland

Today, my mother pointed out to me how much my fiancé looks like my brother. She's right. I never noticed before, but now I can't unsee it. I don't think I'll ever be able to touch him again. FML

By deerlord - / Saturday 12 August 2017 21:45 / Switzerland - Zurich
World
Czech Republic

Ya Dun Goofed

Today, I finally went out on a date with a cute guy. At the end of the date he said, "hey I'm hungry, I've got pasta at home. Do you like pasta?" I replied without hesitation, "not much, I'm gluten-intolerant." I realized about 3 hours later that he probably wanted to invite me to his place. FML

By AngelNi - / Friday 11 August 2017 21:45 / Czech Republic - Brno
World
Netherlands

The One Where Monica Sings

Today, I woke up as usual, got dressed as usual, and went to work as usual. After a few hours, however, I found out that my shirt was completely see-through. Only 6 more hours to go in a predominantly male office. FML

By Angie - / Thursday 10 August 2017 21:45 / Netherlands - Amsterdam
World
Netherlands

A Bugs Bunny Baptism

Today, my new bunny was uncharacteristically sitting happily on my lap when I began to feel a spreading, warm sensation. At the same time, my boyfriend picked up the bunny and in the process sprayed me from head to toe with urine as well as our couch and floor. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 5 August 2017 05:00 / Netherlands
World
Bangladesh

Not going, going back, back to Cali, Cali

Today, I found out I will not be moving back to California. My mom told me we were going to go on a 2 month vacation to see family in India. She decided we are staying for good. FML

By WhatisLife - / Thursday 27 July 2017 09:00 / Bangladesh - Dhaka
World
Brazil

Today, I found out why a boy I like has been ignoring me since we went out for drinks the other night. I accidentally got too drunk and remember nothing except that I decided to play on my phone for awhile. The next day he wouldn't even talk to me and when I asked why, he told me that I had drunkenly revealed to him that I had multiple crushes, all of their names, and had showed him all of my conversations with them on WhatsApp. FML

By Bibi - / Sunday 16 July 2017 21:30 / Brazil - Brasilia
World
Italy

Today, I got into an accident in my girlfriend's car. While I was in the emergency room, crying from the pain, she reassured me, "don't worry, you can pay me for the damage in several installments if you need to." FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 14 July 2017 21:30 / Italy
World
France

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend gave me a squeaky dog toy because "I don't know why, but it made me think of you." FML

By rupture-imminente - / Wednesday 12 July 2017 21:00 / France
World
Argentina

Today, I celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. Since I'm bad at writing, I took a list from the internet titled "100 Things That I Love About You" and gave it to him to read while I read what he wrote for me. It was exactly the same thing, taken from the same page. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 10 July 2017 21:00 / Argentina
World
Italy

Today, I had to have knee surgery. When I woke up, I found myself with a bandage around my head. The surgeon explained to me that one of the students in the operating room had fainted during the procedure, falling over and head-butting me on her way down. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 6 July 2017 21:00 / Italy
World
France

Today, I went out to a club with a friend who got her wallet stolen. Wanting to help her look for it, I left my purse with a different friend while I went back inside to look. She put my purse on the floor and it got stolen as well. FML

By unefoispasdeux - / Tuesday 4 July 2017 21:00 / France - Paris
World
Argentina

  Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend at his place, taking advantage of having the house to ourselves. Out of the blue, his mother, who already hates me, came in and caught us in the act. Now she hates me twice as much for desecrating her house. And she'll hate me triple when she finds out I'm pregnant. FML

By Val - / Sunday 2 July 2017 21:00 / Argentina
World
Italy

Today, I played back the images of the tiny camera I attached to the collar of my cat to figure out where she goes when she disappears for several days at a time. I found my husband with another woman in our bed. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 29 June 2017 21:00 / Italy
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