• Submit your FML
  • Moderate the FMLs
  • Log in
    • Login via
      Facebook Twitter
      or
      Forgot your password?
      New here? Join the FML community
  • Home
  • Random
  • Spicy
  • Random Spicy
  • Almost FML
  • The Top
  • Even more FMLs
    • FML News
    • Photos
    • Videos
    • Blog
    • People
    • FML - The follow-up
  • Random
  • Moderate
  • Submit
Log in
  • Login via
    Facebook Twitter
    or
    Forgot your password?
    New here? Join the FML community
By IDon’tKnowAnymore - Canada - Ottawa
Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and then going to her place, not only did she not want sex, she also wanted me to leave and told me she never wanted to see me again. FML
I agree, your life sucks
5182
You deserved it
1167
23 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Ouch - Australia - Port Melbourne
Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?" I looked at him confused and then he said, "What about Dave? Dave? My boyfriend." FML
I agree, your life sucks
2976
You deserved it
507
17 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Maidenhead
Today, I was trying on wedding dresses and didn't realise I had started my period. I managed to ruin 6 dresses before I noticed. The company wants me to pay for them. I can't afford it. FML
I agree, your life sucks
3158
You deserved it
1338
21 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Lala - United Kingdom - Dollar
Today, I built a computer with 8 graphics cards that were really expensive. Yeah, they all blew up except the one that cost half the price of the rest. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2466
You deserved it
934
11 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Richmond Hill
Today, I was going to have sex for the first time, but when my girlfriend and I got naked, I couldn't get it up. I eventually got hard but it involved me thinking about the time I accidentally saw my girlfriend's brother naked. I think I may be gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks
4425
You deserved it
809
41 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By weezie757 - Canada
Today, it only took 25 minutes of working before I was covered in old man pee. I think that's a new personal best. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2321
You deserved it
165
17 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By MystalBlue - Netherlands - Utrecht
Today, I made a little girl cry. How? She saw my face, got scared, and ran away crying. I thought I wasn't that ugly. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2678
You deserved it
182
10 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By UnicornCinnamon - Romania - Cluj-napoca
Today, my mother called me while she was shopping to tell me that she found a unicorn onesie. When I asked her to buy one for me, she started to laugh and told me that they are for teens, not for "old goats" like me. I'm 21. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2543
You deserved it
639
16 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By THAT'S THE LAST STRAW!!! - Philippines - Pasay City
Today, my mom's boyfriend's son stole from me again, this time it's my $4000 gaming laptop. I confronted them about it, and he ignored me as my mom yelled at me to "Grow up and quit my whining about toys!" When I told my buddy, he said to just beat him up. I would, if only he wasn't 10. FML
I agree, your life sucks
3298
You deserved it
298
47 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Maidenhead
Today, my partner heard the cat about to puke and shoved her off the bed. I found this out in the morning. With my foot. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2466
You deserved it
241
9 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By SSS - United Kingdom - London
Today, I sharted. While I was naked. Standing on a new carpet in my girlfriend's bedroom. In front of my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2910
You deserved it
835
24 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By caittorr - Canada - Saint-jean-sur-richelieu
Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent $450 at the vet only to find out that our cat is perfectly healthy. He just has separation anxiety. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2789
You deserved it
638
12 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By traumatized - Canada - Joliette
Today, I accidentally opened my dad's sex tape. For the second time. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2531
You deserved it
2007
20 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By BackedOff - Belgium
Today, in bed, my wife took her vibrator and started masturbating. Feeling excited, I went down to help her. She told me to knock it off 'cause she couldn't focus. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2840
You deserved it
608
22 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - Bulgaria - Plovdiv
Today, my girlfriend and I went hiking in the mountains. She didn't tell me that she had packed meat to cook in my bag. About two hours after we set out, a wolf attacked me but I pepper sprayed it and it ran off. After that my girlfriend looked at me and said "You didn't have to hurt the doggy." FML
I agree, your life sucks
3366
You deserved it
335
25 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By sicko - Egypt
Today, while my 8-year-old was at school, I got a call saying that he shat and peed himself and then attacked a girl with his shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks
3183
You deserved it
354
18 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver
Today, I was sitting on my balcony at night when the house across from me had a light that started blinking. I know Morse code and the messages said, "Help, I am kidnapped." Naturally, I called the police, but it was just some bratty kid. I'm in trouble for wasting police time. FML
I agree, your life sucks
3448
You deserved it
330
25 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By nabru - Brazil - Florian?polis
Today, I reached my goal weight. My arms and legs are thin, but my face looks horrible and my belly didn't reduce an inch. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2749
You deserved it
282
25 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Joy - Canada - Winnipeg
Today, my cat got stuck under the dishwasher. After getting her out, I put her in the washroom to prevent her from bugging me while I closed off the bottom of the dishwasher so she can't get stuck again. She locked herself in the washroom by opening the drawer directly behind the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2702
You deserved it
375
7 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By sarita - Canada
Today, for lunch I bought a burger, fries and milkshake. As I went to sit down the milkshake spilled all over the table, in my failed attempt to catch it I also managed to spill my fries all over the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2857
You deserved it
387
13 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By willkftw - Australia - Blackburn
Today, while teaching my brother to drive on the freeway, I told him to downshift from 4th to 3rd. He went into 1st instead, blowing my engine and transmission. I can't afford to get it fixed. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2543
You deserved it
539
20 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Girl - Netherlands - Amsterdam
Today, I had a job interview for my dream job. Then I got a call saying it was cancelled because of a policy change that was issued this morning. I applied over a month ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2494
You deserved it
124
4 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Notarealwaifu - Japan - Kunitachi
Today, after a 3-month dry spell and countless rejections, I gave up on being intimate with my girlfriend. Imagine my surprise when she came on to me and took me to bed. What triggered the love-making? Apparently she got horny from looking at an anime character's cleavage. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2710
You deserved it
301
17 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By idaaan - Sweden - Karlstad
Today, when I came home, my dildo was placed in the middle of the bed. I last put it in my drawer. I only live with my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks
3479
You deserved it
426
23 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By OwieOwie - United Kingdom - Tewkesbury
Today, my gallstones flared up so badly an ambulance was called. I needed the strongest painkillers they could supply and had even more at the hospital. When my boyfriend came to visit me, instead of comforting words, he told me that "being kicked in the balls is still worse". FML
I agree, your life sucks
2996
You deserved it
290
23 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Deciduous - Australia - Gungahlin
Today, I felt an itch on the small toe of my right foot and brushed away what I thought was a large flake of dry skin without thinking. Turns out my entire toenail fell off. According to my mother, the same thing occasionally happens to her "for no apparent reason". FML
I agree, your life sucks
2865
You deserved it
163
12 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By fail2.0 - Sweden - Skinnskatteberg
Today, I was going to put up wallpaper in my bedroom, so I asked my stepdad to switch off the electricity as there was an output on the wall. I started to cut out the wallpaper to fit and accidentally stuck my finger in there. The power was not off. An ambulance had to come check my heart rhythm. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2951
You deserved it
457
10 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Westerose
Today, I broke up with the guy I've been dating for 6 months. His response was to destroy my $200 Japanese chef knife. I'm an apprentice cook and that knife means the world to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2676
You deserved it
230
9 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Damn millennials! - Philippines - Taguig
Today, I was at the mall with my 7-year-old granddaughter. When we entered a clothing store, she pulled me back, saying loudly, "Grandma! This is 'Forever 21'! 'Currently 58' is down that way!" I blame my son for this little troll. FML
I agree, your life sucks
3025
You deserved it
326
10 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By rachgirl6 - Australia
Today, after I ran and just caught the train home after work, it took me 4 stops to realise I had driven to work that day. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2684
You deserved it
862
8 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
Next
Nearly  
Today, makes a year since my mom mentioned to me that she and my dad prayed for a still born baby over a gay one. At the time of her telling me this it...
I agree, your life sucks
13
You deserved it
3
0 Comments
Today I kicked our cat. And realized, the thing about cats is: They have no concept of the fact that humans cannot see them in the dark. FML
I agree, your life sucks
36
You deserved it
37
0 Comments
See all the Nearly FMLs
  Spicy
  Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea....
I agree, your life sucks
843
You deserved it
124
8 Comments
  Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s...
I agree, your life sucks
541
You deserved it
429
6 Comments
See all the Spicy FMLs

We love new friends!

  • Other versions

    • Check out the app
    • Android
    • iOS
  • Even more FMLs

    • Almost FML
    • FML - The follow-up
    • World
  • Useful links

    • Contact
    • FAQ
    • Terms of use
    • The list of badges to find
    • Moderation ranking
  • FML around the world

    • Français (VDM)
    • English (FML)
© Beta&cie, All rights reserved


FML Download the app for Android Download the app for iOS

Account

Log in

FML

Moderate the FMLs Submit your FML

Rubrics

Random Spicy Random Spicy Almost FML The Top

Even more FMLs

FML News Photos Videos Blog People FML - The follow-up  FORUM

Connect to your account

Continue with Facebook Continue with Twitter
  or  
Forgot your password?
New here? Join the FML community

Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users? Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours.

File must not exceed 2 Mo

  • Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.
Please read our guidelines for posting

Submit your FML

Thank you, your FML was submitted it will appear in moderation soon !

...

...