FML : Your everyday life stories

By IDon’tKnowAnymore - / Sunday 2 December 2018 08:00 / Canada - Ottawa

World

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?" I looked at him confused and then he said, "What about Dave? Dave? My boyfriend." FML

By Ouch - / Sunday 2 December 2018 13:00 / Australia - Port Melbourne

World

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses and didn't realise I had started my period. I managed to ruin 6 dresses before I noticed. The company wants me to pay for them. I can't afford it. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 1 December 2018 11:00 / United Kingdom - Maidenhead

World

Today, I built a computer with 8 graphics cards that were really expensive. Yeah, they all blew up except the one that cost half the price of the rest. FML

By Lala - / Friday 30 November 2018 12:30 / United Kingdom - Dollar

World

Today, I was going to have sex for the first time, but when my girlfriend and I got naked, I couldn't get it up. I eventually got hard but it involved me thinking about the time I accidentally saw my girlfriend's brother naked. I think I may be gay. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 29 November 2018 23:00 / Canada - Richmond Hill

World

Today, it only took 25 minutes of working before I was covered in old man pee. I think that's a new personal best. FML

Today, I made a little girl cry. How? She saw my face, got scared, and ran away crying. I thought I wasn't that ugly. FML

By weezie757 - / Wednesday 28 November 2018 11:30 / Canada

World

Netherlands

Today, my mother called me while she was shopping to tell me that she found a unicorn onesie. When I asked her to buy one for me, she started to laugh and told me that they are for teens, not for "old goats" like me. I'm 21. FML

By MystalBlue - / Sunday 25 November 2018 13:30 / Netherlands - Utrecht

World

Romania

Today, my mom's boyfriend's son stole from me again, this time it's my $4000 gaming laptop. I confronted them about it, and he ignored me as my mom yelled at me to "Grow up and quit my whining about toys!" When I told my buddy, he said to just beat him up. I would, if only he wasn't 10. FML

By UnicornCinnamon - / Saturday 24 November 2018 04:00 / Romania - Cluj-napoca

World

Philippines

By THAT'S THE LAST STRAW!!! - / Tuesday 20 November 2018 21:00 / Philippines - Pasay City

World

Today, my partner heard the cat about to puke and shoved her off the bed. I found this out in the morning. With my foot. FML

By Anonymous - / Sunday 18 November 2018 12:30 / United Kingdom - Maidenhead

World

Today, I sharted. While I was naked. Standing on a new carpet in my girlfriend's bedroom. In front of my girlfriend. FML

By SSS - / Sunday 18 November 2018 02:00 / United Kingdom - London

World

Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent $450 at the vet only to find out that our cat is perfectly healthy. He just has separation anxiety. FML

By caittorr - / Sunday 11 November 2018 16:00 / Canada - Saint-jean-sur-richelieu

World

Today, I accidentally opened my dad's sex tape. For the second time. FML

Today, in bed, my wife took her vibrator and started masturbating. Feeling excited, I went down to help her. She told me to knock it off 'cause she couldn't focus. FML

By traumatized - / Saturday 10 November 2018 21:00 / Canada - Joliette

World

Belgium

Today, my girlfriend and I went hiking in the mountains. She didn't tell me that she had packed meat to cook in my bag. About two hours after we set out, a wolf attacked me but I pepper sprayed it and it ran off. After that my girlfriend looked at me and said "You didn't have to hurt the doggy." FML

By BackedOff - / Saturday 10 November 2018 05:00 / Belgium

World

Bulgaria

Today, while my 8-year-old was at school, I got a call saying that he shat and peed himself and then attacked a girl with his shit. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 9 November 2018 04:00 / Bulgaria - Plovdiv

World

Egypt

By sicko - / Wednesday 7 November 2018 18:30 / Egypt

World

Today, I was sitting on my balcony at night when the house across from me had a light that started blinking. I know Morse code and the messages said, "Help, I am kidnapped." Naturally, I called the police, but it was just some bratty kid. I'm in trouble for wasting police time. FML

Today, I reached my goal weight. My arms and legs are thin, but my face looks horrible and my belly didn't reduce an inch. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 6 November 2018 13:18 / Canada - Vancouver

World

Brazil

By nabru - / Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:30 / Brazil - Florian?polis

World

Today, my cat got stuck under the dishwasher. After getting her out, I put her in the washroom to prevent her from bugging me while I closed off the bottom of the dishwasher so she can't get stuck again. She locked herself in the washroom by opening the drawer directly behind the door. FML

By Joy - / Monday 5 November 2018 10:30 / Canada - Winnipeg

World

Today, for lunch I bought a burger, fries and milkshake. As I went to sit down the milkshake spilled all over the table, in my failed attempt to catch it I also managed to spill my fries all over the floor. FML

By sarita - / Sunday 4 November 2018 08:30 / Canada

World

Today, while teaching my brother to drive on the freeway, I told him to downshift from 4th to 3rd. He went into 1st instead, blowing my engine and transmission. I can't afford to get it fixed. FML

Today, I had a job interview for my dream job. Then I got a call saying it was cancelled because of a policy change that was issued this morning. I applied over a month ago. FML

By willkftw - / Saturday 3 November 2018 23:30 / Australia - Blackburn

World

Netherlands

Today, after a 3-month dry spell and countless rejections, I gave up on being intimate with my girlfriend. Imagine my surprise when she came on to me and took me to bed. What triggered the love-making? Apparently she got horny from looking at an anime character's cleavage. FML

By Girl - / Friday 2 November 2018 15:30 / Netherlands - Amsterdam

World

Japan

Today, when I came home, my dildo was placed in the middle of the bed. I last put it in my drawer. I only live with my dad. FML

By Notarealwaifu - / Friday 2 November 2018 13:00 / Japan - Kunitachi

World

Sweden

By idaaan - / Wednesday 31 October 2018 03:00 / Sweden - Karlstad

World

Today, my gallstones flared up so badly an ambulance was called. I needed the strongest painkillers they could supply and had even more at the hospital. When my boyfriend came to visit me, instead of comforting words, he told me that "being kicked in the balls is still worse". FML

By OwieOwie - / Monday 29 October 2018 11:00 / United Kingdom - Tewkesbury

World

Today, I felt an itch on the small toe of my right foot and brushed away what I thought was a large flake of dry skin without thinking. Turns out my entire toenail fell off. According to my mother, the same thing occasionally happens to her "for no apparent reason". FML

Today, I was going to put up wallpaper in my bedroom, so I asked my stepdad to switch off the electricity as there was an output on the wall. I started to cut out the wallpaper to fit and accidentally stuck my finger in there. The power was not off. An ambulance had to come check my heart rhythm. FML

By Deciduous - / Sunday 28 October 2018 22:00 / Australia - Gungahlin

World

Sweden

By fail2.0 - / Saturday 27 October 2018 22:00 / Sweden - Skinnskatteberg

World

Today, I broke up with the guy I've been dating for 6 months. His response was to destroy my $200 Japanese chef knife. I'm an apprentice cook and that knife means the world to me. FML

Today, I was at the mall with my 7-year-old granddaughter. When we entered a clothing store, she pulled me back, saying loudly, "Grandma! This is 'Forever 21'! 'Currently 58' is down that way!" I blame my son for this little troll. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 27 October 2018 04:00 / Canada - Westerose

World

Philippines

By Damn millennials! - / Thursday 25 October 2018 23:45 / Philippines - Taguig

World

Today, after I ran and just caught the train home after work, it took me 4 steps to realise I had driven to work that day. FML

Today, the girl i am in love with drunk texted me that she loves me. That's the second time this has happened. She cannot even say she has feelings for...

By rachgirl6 - / Monday 22 October 2018 23:00 / Australia

FML

Nearly

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She sent me a link to a story online about a woman who abused her dog to the point of death and I didn’t vomit...

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World

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Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Spicy

Today my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom to check if I was cheating...... I wasn't. He was looking for some leverage so when...

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had...