Miss Mississauga ON, Canada Single
Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I signed up for a psych experiment. I was a damsel in distress on the side of the highway, but no one stopped. Back at the lab, another participant said a half-dozen people helped her. The professor was testing how attractiveness affects altruism. I was the unattractive subject. FML
Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML
Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML
Today, I was sitting on the bus to the gym. I saw that an old woman needed help to get off the bus, so I got up, and helped her off. When I had finally got her down the stairs the bus closed the doors and drove away. I was in the middle of nowhere and the bus drove away with all my things. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod to shuffle songs. When I went to shake it, it flew out of my hand and hit him in the face. FML
Today, I thought I'd wear my snow boots so I wouldn't slip on the ice at work. I crashed my car because I can't feel the pedals with my boots on. FML
Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML
Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, I had lunch with a coworker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and, looking legitimately confused, said, "You know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML
Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML
Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML
Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML
Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML
Today, I landed in Hawaii for my vacation. I have a really bad ear infection, and to top my day off, my girlfriend blurted out mid-flight that she thinks we're not going to work out. Aloha! FML
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML
Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML
Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML
Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML
Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML
Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML
Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML
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