The Top

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Badass

By Anonymous - 17/05/2025 22:00 - Germany

Today, my little sister beat me at arm-wrestling. I'm a 15 year-old boy and she's 12. It happened in front of our entire extended family and they all laughed hysterically. I tried to act like I let her win, but the truth is that I was trying as hard as I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 233

By CAchickadee - 29/05/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 342

You deserved it 6 247

Free healthcare for all

By Thegout69 - 28/07/2022 02:00

Today, I lost my job because I fell victim to an incredibly complex phone scam. The hackers didn't get anything, but now I don't know what's worse - I can't afford to feed my kids, or I can't afford my chemotherapy for my my terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 219

Shitshow

By Syrinth - 21/07/2010 16:09 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 572

You deserved it 31 550

The Ex

By unKnown621 - 18/06/2021 18:01 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my (now ex) boyfriend and I had a fight, during which he said, "This is why I talk to other girls." I called him out for admitting to cheating and he told me I was toxic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 231

Denial

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 06:00

Today, my wife is mad because some kid in a store offered her the seniors' discount and she got offended. I had to tell her she’s 66 years-old and is actually entitled to that discount, so she should calm the hell down. She’s not spoken to me in over 24 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 157

Open door policy

By Luke Sparacio - 24/11/2023 00:00

Today, while we were exploring a building, my dad and I somehow got separated. After about 30 seconds, I found him on the other side of a door, so I went to go through what I thought was a door. Instead, I smashed my head on a windowpane and collapsed to the floor in pain in front of 5 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 22:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 608

You deserved it 6 179

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 309

You deserved it 3 926

By thanksmom - 20/07/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 823

You deserved it 4 112

By Anonymous - 25/09/2009 22:53 - Canada

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 320

You deserved it 35 447

I'm not worthy

By Anonymous - 26/11/2023 18:00 - Germany - Undeloh

Today, after having had my cat for a year, I've began to understand why people spoil their pets: Between me and her, I want at least one of us to have the easy, comfortable life she deserves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 176

By holyshitsnacks - 18/03/2014 22:53 - Canada - Woodstock

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 509

You deserved it 7 854

By Atheist - 22/03/2012 04:56 - United States - Portland

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 5 637

Poor kid

By fair lady - 03/06/2021 04:01

Today, I watched as my four-year-old niece accidentally knocked over her mom’s wine. She was clearly upset about it, and her mother screaming at her didn’t help. Later, she asked her mom if she still loved her, to which she replied, "I don’t believe in second chances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 122

Up to no good, sonny Jim ?

By Anonymous - 03/08/2022 10:00

Today, I went to the dentist in the same building my wife works. I decided to leave a love note on her car to surprise her. I'm currently being held by security, waiting on the cops, on suspicion of stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 166

By catdog552 - 28/02/2013 11:02 - United States

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 994

You deserved it 2 607

Pissed

By pl. - 03/06/2021 21:59

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 11/07/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 758

You deserved it 5 475

How could you be so selfish?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 12:00

Today, my sister asked me to babysit so they could have date night, AKA sex without children in the house. I have a major surgery tomorrow and am in no fit mental state for three children under 10, so I said no. She called me an inconsiderate prick and slammed my door, breaking the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 156

By thesadone - 03/07/2010 06:49 - United States

Today, I realized that the best and most entertaining part of my 3 day mini vacation was realizing my nipples work on the touch screen of my iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 989

You deserved it 10 773

How d'you think I look so good?

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 17:00

Today, I got home and my wife asked me to help yell at the kids for ruining over £1000 of her makeup supplies. I did an almost double take at the fact I had no idea she had spent over £1000 just on makeup. No wonder we’re always broke the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 240

By NewDrugs - 22/02/2013 01:21 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 3 541

Weird advice

By Lily - 10/12/2023 12:00 - Switzerland

Today, it's been two years since my husband promised improvements if I stayed. He abided and we're good, despite a counselor insisting it was mere narcissistic manipulation, without ever meeting him. Did I mention she also claimed it would be "empowering" for me to leave, and set "a good example" on our kids? FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 225

By Staying Home Today - 04/03/2014 12:25 - United States - Severn

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 965

You deserved it 3 795

My baby

By anon - 22/08/2022 18:00

Today, while planning my baby shower with my mom and sister, our other sister made a huge scene, screaming how no one threw her a party when she adopted a baby, and that my parents should stop referring to mine as their first grandchild since she already gave them one. A puppy. She has a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 138

By ouch - 02/03/2014 08:44 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 545

You deserved it 7 299

Frustration

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 18:01 - United States - Aldie

Today, I found out I need surgery for a hernia that blew up after working out. I’ve been working out constantly to keep my mind off of my ex, who was the right person at the wrong time, and now I can’t even do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 18:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 796

You deserved it 2 569

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 17:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 598

You deserved it 17 243

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The Top

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 812

You deserved it 15 630

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 186

Today, I realized the most consistent friends I have are on weekly Disney+ Marvel and Star Wars shows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 271

Today, my baby mama got her septum pierced. It's funny that if I called her a cow, she’d likely break up with me. But she gets the same ring in her nose as a cow, and NO ONE is supposed to notice that. I can only think of cows when I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 981

Today, my workplace's new policy requires me to ask employees why they're calling out sick. I had to listen to the answer, "When it comes out of your bum, like a bullet from a gun…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 147

Today, my boyfriend asked me to look up something on his phone. I jokingly asked him, “You’re not worried about me discovering your side bitches?” He got upset and angrily said he didn’t have any. I took his defensiveness as an indication of guilt and dumped him. Turns out he was right, he didn’t have side chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 1 743