The Top

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Ambulances ain't cheap

By Mom - 29/03/2024 09:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 130

Bad day

By meranda_johnson - 13/12/2012 08:58 - United States

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 856

You deserved it 2 564

Leave me alone

By Antisocial, I guess - 23/11/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 16:28 - United States - Beachwood

Today, I saw my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in 8 months. He dumped me on the spot because I was "uglier" than he remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 052

You deserved it 9 442

By Anonymous - 24/02/2010 04:22 - United States

Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn't want to pay for the house she didn't want me to have in the divorce, and didn't bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 903

You deserved it 3 590

Party zone!!

By helloworld92 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple Smirnoff, I puked up the chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 580

You deserved it 8 269

Not so BFF

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 16:00 - United States - Spring

Today, I asked out the guy I like, and he said yes. Later, I found out that he used to date my BFF and he broke up with her right before I'd asked him. I left him saying he should have told me earlier and that I would be weird if we dated. I talked to my BFF about it and she got mad at me. She literally didn't even tell me about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 235

Roomies

By merrymary - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 175

You deserved it 6 148

By mynoseburns - 22/02/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 548

You deserved it 2 661

Thanks for your help

By Anonymous - 26/11/2022 12:00 - Germany - Emden

Today, I asked a gynecologist if there’s any help for my boobs feeling like giant bruises one week out of three. Her reply was, “If you’re not willing to take pain killers for it, it can’t be that bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 216

By awkwardpaul - 22/11/2013 10:18 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 858

You deserved it 8 212

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 929

You deserved it 35 986

Cruel

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 02:00

Today, we were supposed to go to one of my husband's coworkers' party, but he had to go alone because we couldn’t find my prosthetic leg anywhere. I eventually found it, in the shed. The only way it got there was if my husband put it there on purpose so I couldn’t go. I think he’s embarrassed of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 113

CREEPY!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 22:00

Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 05/12/2012 10:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 007

You deserved it 2 882

By jm_track - 26/02/2011 22:59 - United States

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 042

You deserved it 35 413

Foreshadowing

By CaptainSosuke - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 110

You deserved it 8 707

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 00:10 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 3 114

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 486

You deserved it 59 508

By mylifeisahell - 18/02/2010 15:01 - Norway

Today, I found garbage in my postbox. In amongst the garbage, I found a note saying ''This is all you ever will get. Stay away from me!'', from the girl I sent a love poem to the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 364

You deserved it 7 254

Get with the times

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 14:00

Today, I went to mediation with 5 managers and a coworker I do not get along with. Everyone in the room was at least 20 years younger than me, and the entire meeting was them telling me to drag myself into the present century and basically do whatever the younger, "smarter" people say, or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 392

Meddling

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been randomly searching my room. I've asked her repeatedly to stop, but she says it's her right as a parent. In retaliation I started searching their room when they were out, and found porn mags and DVDs. I confronted mom about it. Long story short, dad's in a hotel. What have I done?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 760

By misspriss - 17/02/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 998

You deserved it 2 829

By Malpal - 23/01/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 552

You deserved it 29 655

Blocked and reported

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 22:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 900

You deserved it 40 190

By Infected - 20/02/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 096

You deserved it 19 931

Jog on

By Out Ran - 16/02/2010 06:32 - United States

Today, while running, I sped up to show off for a cute female runner I'd seen before up ahead. I passed her and not more than a minute later she sprints past me. I couldn't catch up. She not only out ran me, but waited to tell me it was a "nice try." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 852

You deserved it 35 000

Best teeth in the game

By floss can't skewer people - 22/09/2021 02:00

Today, my stepfather refused to drive me to the hospital after having a toothpick that was left on the floor lodge itself and break off in the bottom of my foot. He's the only person in the house that uses toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 99

By pissedandcomputerless - 07/11/2013 18:42 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 063

You deserved it 8 696

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The Top

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 099

You deserved it 3 376

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 351

You deserved it 11 517

Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 652

You deserved it 6 694

Today, at the orthodontist, the nurse was checking my teeth. She asked me a question while her finger was in my mouth, and when I stupidly tried to reply, I bit her finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 458

Today, my brother managed to correctly guess I’d lost my virginity. Apparently I was limping slightly, so he guessed I had a sore crotch and obviously must've popped my cherry. He was right, but I wish he hadn’t blurted it out in front of mom, who is religious and judgemental as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 346

Today, I had to stay at a friend's house because my dryer caught fire. My friend decided to start cleaning, so he put on his music playlist. By sheer coincidence, the first song that played was "Light My Fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 157