Anonymous
United States
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Tickdick
Pittsburgh, United States
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
stopinthenameoflove
Dublin, Ireland
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
why
United States
Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML
Pita
United States
Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML
Anonymous
Nice imagery
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents. Trying to make a good impression, so when her dad asked how we met, I jokingly said, “She just couldn’t resist me.” Her mom smiled and asked if we used pet names. Without thinking, I said, “I call her my little burrito.” Her dad choked on his drink, and my girlfriend whispered, “Why would you say that?” FML
Noname
United States
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Anonymous
Cape Town, South Africa
The Conquest of Bread
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
nick
United States
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
loserllamalick
Rochester, United States
Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML
Top comments
spidergirl41 0
Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD
Dmaster22 0
your penis is orange? JK FYL
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Comments (195)
mandark 9
Does it crunch? ;D FYL. (First! :B)
gammagamma 2
you arent funy Anyway, i dont see why people feel the need to name penises. Especially something like that. If this is real then your girlfriend is an idiot. FYL
mandark 9
Wasn't trying to be funny, actually. And nice comment at the top of the page. e_e
F_fatchick_lives 0
If you weren't trying to be funny than you are an idiot who should be called out D-bag :p
Fisshie 0
YDI for having a rabbit as a girlfriend.
StingMunFizzy 0
Um? Show that bitch what it can do.. Bet she doesn't call you little baby carrot anymore...
TROLL_fml 0
YDI FOR HAVING A SMALL PENIS
HahaYDI 0
Lol you have the best name ever
iljajlm 4
Hey if she likes to indulge in eating a carrot every now and then it shouldn't be too much of a problem
wbrycem 0
Tell her to do something about her wizard's sleeve, it's leaving a nasty residue on your pubes
depotst 0
bahahaha wizards sleeve
DuckOnAStick 0
My penises name is Thumper.
NatDancer2010 0
lol how sweer
NatDancer2010 0
well shoot sweet* and random but my friend actually turned orange after eating so many carrots when we were little
a2zx2 6
STOP PENIS TANNING. lol jk fyl op
Warm_Apple_Pie 21
You don't control your penis size... it's just something you're born with, determined by genes. That being said. his PARENTS deserve it for giving him awful genes so that he has a tiny penis. Although I don't see why she's call it a carrot though...
Dmaster22 0
your penis is orange? JK FYL
catatonicsleep 17
Maybe he puts fake tan on it....
daymann 0
maybe he puts real tan on it ;)
ScruffyFML 10
Next time you go down on her, you should do your best Batman voice and say "I'm entering the Batcave.", OP.
lil_ham1644 29
Baby carrots aren't orange though. They are more whitish (official color name).
spidergirl41 0
Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD
cucumberfabulous 7
Hahahahahahaahhahha
mattmag 0
hahaha nice
megalan 0
epic win!!
alexrox8286 0
That is perfect!
Klabauterpete 0
Lol, super kawai.
JinxSNC 0
um how is this super kawaii? it's not cute at all XD
iluvevil01 11
^ omg I have the same pic in my photo album! lol
TheFadedGuitar 0
That's adorable
leiziueyes 0
My ex named my penis the exact same thing, after seeing a bag of baby carrots at the grocery store. I think it's kinda funny, even though I'm insecure about my own size.
ScruffyFML 10
I think most guys are, tbh. I am.
Warm_Apple_Pie 21
Don't feel bad: it's the sex that counts, not the size. If you're good in bed, who cares?
hsumalachi 0
lame
Vertoule 7
YDI for having a small penis
plexico 4
As if lack of size is the most disturbing problem! The orange color is disconcerting, but the conical, pointy shape is absolutely disgusting! Maybe the green pubes are even worse.
bexox 0
The OP must be an oompa-loompa!!! :0
Finnboghi 0
... There is nothing that could ever be said to top that. Ever. You win the internet, madame.
Jmgonzo 10
The obvious troll is obvious
TurdMonkey 0
did you hump a stuffed rabbit in retaliation?
FuckYourFuckingL_fml 5
Hahaha I saw that FML!
evlbb2 2
Win # 9 :D Girls, please at least name our penises something awesome. Like Squirtle.
Hellcrapdamn 0
ha! squirtle FTW! you saw that one too eh?
Anumayis 34
hahha I named my boyfriend's penis blastoise. I also call it 'super soaker' sometimes.
swjeemtys 0
well atleast she is still your gf..she was just teasing.. nonetheless. fyl
mikesok988 0
Ouch bro. Maybe a nice comeback, such as "what are you gawking at, pimiento ****" is in order?