Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Ouchies
Today, I got tased, with the same TASER I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML
Hand it over
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
Zapped
Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
It's not what you think!
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Sleep punching is a thing
Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Top comments
Tubasaurus 0
I think a safety test should be required to handle stun guns. Too many stupid people think they are harmless.
DameGreyWulf 1
I don't care what kind of place you live (dangerous or not) or how low voltage it was, it is awesome you bought her a stun gun. I would dance if anyone ever bought me one. So awesome. FYL for bitchy girlfriend, you were only thinking of her.
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Comments (125)
Ysz131 0
Ouch, that sucks. D=
PumpkinTarte 0
YDI, for buying it for her. Jk, but I wouldn't know what a stun gun does myself, you should have told her to be careful with it beforehand. Or maybe she just hates you.
humorizer 14
Mandatory "DON'T TAZE ME SIS!" reference.
beardo8 0
The health risks of ass-to-mouth include the risks of both oral sex and anal-oral sex. Unprotected oral-genital contact involves the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, such as genital herpes or chlamydia and HIV. HIV can be transmitted due to the fact that rough anal sex, usually results in minuscule tearing of the rectal tissue, and small amounts of blood are left on the penis. When another partner sucks the penis, if they have a tiny sore, tear or cut in their mouth, they can get infected with HIV. The recipient of ass-to-mouth is also at risk of infection by Hepatitis A,[5] as well as intestinal parasites and other diseases carried in the feces. Some of the commonly transmitted diseases are gastroenteritis and enterocolitis, which are acute infections of the stomach, small intestine and/or large intestine, by gut flora organisms such as E. coli, Campylobacter, Shigella, Salmonella, or Yersinia, causing fever, vomiting, and diarrhea lasting for several days. Most other sexually transmitted bacterial diseases, like syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia, can be transmitted by anal-oral contact. Viral diseases including herpes, cytomegalovirus, and human papillomavirus (the virus that causes cervical cancer and genital warts, as well as oral or laryngeal papillomas and carcinomas) can also be transmitted by this route. It is unknown whether thoroughly washing the anal area and applying an enema results in reduced risk of disease, although general cleanliness is advisable for any sexual act. ****-industry performers often use enemas prior to filming anal sex sequences; however, this is primarily to eliminate the possibility of any fecal matter appearing on film, rather than disease prevention
dx169 0
I imagined a kinky scene. Am I normal? Tell me I'm normal.
mkak 0
hello who want to suckes you i know what your means is
kitty_schmoo 0
lol.. that would not be a tazer, that would be a tens unit, but yeah. same principle.
Savanni 1
Normal
kaspertheman 0
You should have bought some flowers instead. They don't hurt as much as the tazer.
StingMunFizzy 0
Pumpkin Idk wtf is wrong with your brain but that bitch woulda gotten pimp slapped if she said that to me.
Night22_fml 4
It doesn't suck, it's just shocking that she would do such a thing
ajaysallthat 0
haha SHOCKING! get it that's punny
Clare420 0
YDI, my bf knows better than to get me any sort of weapon. you should too.
theunwantedone 0
... ._. Damn, bro... That does suck
imkees 0
Ouch that sucks, I'm gessing you live in the not so nice part of your town?
Tubasaurus 0
I think a safety test should be required to handle stun guns. Too many stupid people think they are harmless.
miscellaneousact 0
i really dont know how to respond to this your girlfriend should at least be happy that you care so much for her safety though
Imawhalerider 0
YDI for not teaching her how to use it and to let her point it at you. haha she put you in place with that taser.
DameGreyWulf 1
I don't care what kind of place you live (dangerous or not) or how low voltage it was, it is awesome you bought her a stun gun. I would dance if anyone ever bought me one. So awesome. FYL for bitchy girlfriend, you were only thinking of her.
Qwermy 16
a stun gun operates on high voltage, often around 50,000. it's amps that kill you, not volts
Luckster 0
Don't taze me, bro!! There, I said it.
Drakon_fml 7
Glad someone said it. That said, get her with it when she's asleep, then tell her it's her fault for showing you the awesome power it holds.
The_Snowy 0
Win
drunkfather 0
That is awesome; I was thinking that myself!
666HailSatan666 0
Damnit, I want a taser!
Phwow 0
I would say YDI but your girlfriend already said that