Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML
Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML
Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML
Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML
Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML
Today, during a long flight, I tried to discreetly pass gas. Instead, I misjudged the pressure and ended up making a loud noise that everyone around me seemingly heard. To make matters worse, the flight attendant asked if everything was OK. Now I’m probably remembered as "Farts on a plane." FML
Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
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Top comments
Cainicide 5
"What the **** you looking at?!" People will stop staring, and big guys are intimidating.
ICastillo 25
Well Op since everyone is already blaming you might as well let them go. Bombs away.
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Comments (62)
Cainicide 5
"What the **** you looking at?!" People will stop staring, and big guys are intimidating.
zachattack112492 4
Fat people are not intimidating... Let alone dating
Harpy20 24
They're just fluffy. Fluffy isn't intimidating.
sens3sfailing 25
Fluffy is lovable and love chocolate cake!
grizzly66 5
There's 2 different types of fat guys. The intimidating bikerish fat guys and the Jonah hill/Seth rogan fat guys, complete opposite ends of the spectrum
sens3sfailing 25
I don't believe jonah hill is fat anymore.
zachattack112492 4
Dang, I made at least 35 fat people angry
micheledella 1
36^
onlychildFTW 34
Muscle guys are intimidating. Fat guys aren't. A big difference between big with muscles and big with fat.
soccercreator7 3
109, you should try to make more sense before you go saying something
Eelam_star 2
You should called them out for what they were doing and make them look stupid :)
newbiehere99 6
OP calls out, "Whoever smelt it, dealt it.."
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Whoever said the rhyme did the crime.
samasara 20
Silly 68. You rhymed, too!(:
rocklare18 7
Silly 82. You're simply not funny!:)
chrissy2 28
Or just stupid..
st333ph 12
don't you just hate assumptions?
StalkerChick 13
When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me!
fmmfl1993 1
It's always about "u and me" Isn't it stalker chick?
StalkerChick 13
Wait.... I don't get it :/
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
You wouldn't.
StalkerChick 13
64- And you are...?
pmadNess 16
57/64- your profile pic... And you don't get it?...
Trollgod 13
It was an overly attached girlfriend joke
StalkerChick 13
Ohhh Thanks, 72 :)
Jawaggle 6
St33ph, you always blame me for the farts when we're in class!
st333ph 12
jawaggle, that's because you suck! HAHAHAHA
Snazzy_Snaz 17
There once was a farmer....
davymac718 4
They don't pay rent push 'em out!
kurodansei 16
!?!!? You're comment has caused me to experience new levels of befuddlement.
Pleonasm 36
I like the fact that FML comments always keep me guessing. LIke guessing what the **** am I reading and what the hell comes into people's minds when they write this stuff.
FMLephant 2
The farts?
tsent8 15
Pleonasm they were obviously near OP at ground zero when the gas was released you always have to factor In brain damage.
chrissy2 28
Pay rent of what? The train? That comment makes no sense...
andiewithlove 21
That's when you bring attention to the stench first. Point at the person across from you and look utterly disgusted. But don't overdo it OP! Then you'll be the fat guy who farted and tried to blame someone else!
Eelam_star 2
The person that brings attention first is always the one that farted.
thatonename 7
No, not always. There are those ones so vile the owner doesn't want to claim it but someone has to say something. But next time someone asks if you farted OP, stare them straight in the eye and say "nope, I just shat myself". I promise they won't ever ask again.
lilhellian 27
Yes, because shatting yourself is so much better. /sarcasm
Pleonasm 36
*********. Shat is past tense
kathbutter 12
12 didn't the FML just state that attention isn't always first given to the person who actually farted?
ICastillo 25
Well Op since everyone is already blaming you might as well let them go. Bombs away.
Cainicide 5
-riiiiiip- Now THAT ONE,THAT was me. Sorry.
Pleonasm 36
That's some bad fatulence.
TomPusslicker 21
That's when you hold your stomach, grimace and loudly mutter "God i hope its not diarrhea again"....almost guaranteed you will have enough empty seats around you to kick your feet up, and enjoy a good, relaxing chuckle.
SuperKnuckels 6
Life is like a fart. If you force it, its probably crap.
center 5
If this bothers you, I'll bet you spend you life being bothered by unimportant things.
alexhaz64 4
Time to get a dog!
zingline89 18
Yeah I always keep a Beagle in my backpack for long train rides
Pleonasm 36
I prefer hot-dogs, but I'm also partial to a good shih-tzu along the train ride, too
winkydog4056 16
#22_Beagles are better! And OP, well did you rip one or not!?
B_CeouL 12
Just point at whatever little girl nearby
tsent8 15
What the **** is wrong with your profile picture?!?!?!
B_CeouL 12
Dick ******** nipples!
zingline89 18
One of my good friends pulls that shit on me all the time. She drops the nastiest ass ever and people don't expect it's the cute girl. I'm not fat but it doesn't matter, they'll always blame the guy.