The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Halloween, the long wait

By androidjezus - 03/11/2019 18:30

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 494

Pull your weight

By WtfDude - 17/09/2022 12:00

Today, we're both working parents. My husband gave a lecture about "mother's duties" and "dad's duties". Why? Because I asked him to get our toddler ready for school and change our son's diaper as I was down with severe COVID. For just one day, I asked him to do a part of my tasks. It's 2022, and I earn more than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 262

Fashion Week

By NotAGoodStart - 07/03/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went on a blind date, meeting up in a park. I got there first and sat down to wait for him. After a while, a guy sat down next to me. I wasn't sure if it was him, so I texted him, asking if he'd arrived. His response was, "I'm already here, sat to the left of the old woman dressed like a gypsy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 382

Brain melt

By coco1234 - 09/03/2020 12:35

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 1 480

Cough up, loser

By Kushi - 30/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in rush hour traffic and rushed to the daycare to pick my daughter up. They charged me a late fee for being one minute late. ONE minute. When I protested, the lady said she was gonna scream and call the police if I didn’t pay. It was my last $100 before next payday… next Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 193

Our house, in the middle of our lockdown!

By cfails - 02/04/2020 14:00

Today, I found out the house I want to buy is being re-listed, because I can't have an open house to get people to see and buy my current house, because no one can go out in the this fucking quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 253

Cynophobia

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 04:01

Today, my new boyfriend is so scared of dogs that he won’t even go in the room where my new puppy's bed is, so even on the days when he’s at home not working, I still have to pay the lad next door to come round and let it into the garden for a pee, because he’s too scared to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 924

Conjunctivitis

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 22:00

Today, after my naked husband farted in my face because he’s an immature man child who refuses to act his age, this morning I woke up with raging pink eye. I’m half blind and I’m supposed to be taking my driving test this afternoon. I can’t see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 245

By Anonymous - 23/05/2018 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after hours of pain due to bad food the night before, I accidentally and silently let rip. My wheelchair-bound aunt panicked and made a dash for the bathroom, thinking her colostomy bag had ripped. I was too embarrassed to admit it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 312

You deserved it 737

Played yourself

By nano123 - 17/04/2020 08:00

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 584

Bitch move

By Ineedtoshutup - 19/08/2021 16:01

Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 2 379

Jacked

By Anonymous - 21/03/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife asked when I was going back to the gym because I am developing a belly, which she finds disgusting. I've just had surgery on my thigh, which was her fault for asking, “What’s this thing do?” while grabbing the handle to the jack holding up my car, dropping the car on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 106

The real housewives of FML

By NotInMyClick - 02/05/2024 09:00 - United States - Glide

Today, a girl I despise from our group of best girlfriends, who just moved in with another, has showed her true colors. I smelled her bipolar disorder in our group interactions and took a step back, but was afraid to say something to the two other girls like, hey, she's unstable. Now she thinks she's in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 637

By Anonymous - 14/09/2018 03:30

Today, I finally found out why I got a D in a class last semester. It was a heavily attendance-based class, and apparently he only marked you present if you participated in class discussion. It was a 100-seat lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 903

You deserved it 338

Emergency cooking

By YoshiSqu4d - 31/07/2020 20:01

Today, I managed to set off the smoke detectors while cooking burgers. The cops and fire department showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 374

Grind mindset

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to snatch my son's phone to hang up his “super important work phone call” and force him to pay attention to the nurse trying to hand him his newborn son, while his wife was passed out. He's so career obsessed, I don’t think he noticed his son being born at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 236

Denial

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 23:00

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 253

Unaware ableist

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 05:01 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I sat outside for a half hour hysterically laughing at this kid next door for constantly mooing like a cow. My mum came out to inform me the kid is severely disabled. I even mooed back at one stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 2 165

Let down

By Anonymous - 27/08/2020 05:01

Today, after having spent two weeks planning my husband's surprise birthday party with his friends and family, we get in the car on the way to "dinner" and he says, "I really hope it's just the two of us tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 357

Sex addict

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 02:01 - United States - Trenton

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the father of my kids, had been practically begging women to sleep with him throughout the duration of both pregnancies, and has also spent hundreds of dollars on OnlyFans every month. He promised to permanently delete OnlyFans three times and still hasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 614

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 22:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 98

By horny and alone - 04/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went home with my cute coworker. What started out as a little dirty talk and teasing ended with him admitting he was in a terrible emotional place, then sending me home in an Uber so he could sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 796

You deserved it 429

Game of Thrones 2: Pig in the City

By GOT not for me - 15/09/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 203

Sussy baka

By Singleagain - 09/01/2022 01:59

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about allegedly texting another girl behind my back and exchanging nudes. I asked him, “If I were to look through your phone right now, would we still be together in the next 5 minutes?” He responded by smashing his phone to the ground and stomping it to smithereens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 265

Beat it

By frank - 13/01/2022 08:01

Today, while out with my girlfriend, her stalker ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and beat the shit out of me. While I was on the ground, my girlfriend got angry at him, and went to go “talk with him in private.” She’s nowhere to be found, and hasn’t picked up her phone in four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 128

By ... - 20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 777

Proud dad

By Not a proud dad - 08/05/2026 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that when my daughter spent the night at her best friend's house for her 18th birthday, they made her an account on one of those "cam girl" websites, and now every time she goes over there, she masturbates for money in front of strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 81

No respect

By That's capitalism, baby - 10/05/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I was excited to finally take a day off work and relax at home. However, as soon as I was on the couch to Netflix and chill with my cat, I got a call from my boss saying I was needed at the office to fix a major issue. I ended up spending the entire day at work and didn't get to enjoy my "day off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 187

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I asked my uber-religious parents what they would do if, hypothetically, they found out one of their closest friends was an atheist. The immediate response: "Forcibly try to convert them, and completely cut all ties if they don't accept." Guess I'll remain a closeted atheist for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 141

Doggy dog world

By this means war! - 19/02/2022 14:00

Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 234

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Insects Painful Friends Garden Pranks Technology Geek Weird Animals Cute Miscellaneous Birthday Awkward Cake Scary Birds Clumsy Drunk Embarrassing Roommate Mysterious Clothes Work Cats Smartphone Poopoo peepee Transportation Neighbours Noise

The Top

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 555

You deserved it 374

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 038

You deserved it 6 541

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 142

You deserved it 3 285

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 696

You deserved it 3 761

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 177

You deserved it 65 411

Today, I'm working in China and I had to explain to my boss that no, it's not okay to not pay me for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 94