Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML
Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, my not-quite-potty-trained toddler niece had a 'wee accident' in my bed. I used towels to mop it up and changed the sheets. Later, I had the bright idea to dry it faster by turning the electric blanket on high. Now my room smells like burned urine. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SirEnigM0nk 22
WTH? Get a hotel or find another place to do the deed. Using your parent's bed is disrespectful and just no.
RichardPencil 32
Make your girlfriend buy a new set of replacement sheets. Smoking in bed is just absurd.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (8)
Shzusuziq11 12
You shouldn't be sleeping on your parents bed. Don't you have your own?
SirEnigM0nk 22
WTH? Get a hotel or find another place to do the deed. Using your parent's bed is disrespectful and just no.
RichardPencil 32
Make your girlfriend buy a new set of replacement sheets. Smoking in bed is just absurd.
JackWood 21
She smoked and bled on your mother's sheets. I'm sure mom's going to be proud of you.
Hangryko 32
You sure know how to pick beds and girlfriends.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Why the hell would you use your parents' bed? And honestly, I'd make her pay to get them brand new sheets just like the ones she ruined. Any responsible woman knows when to expect her period, and if she can't be cautious enough to not burn things with her cigarette, she shouldn't be smoking them.
giffinator6 5
I agree with you, however I disagree with "responsible women" knowing when they get their period. By all means this woman is not responsible, in any way shape or form, I would not deal with that. although, I'm on a certain birth control that does not have a consistent period, I can be without a period for months, or I can get my period 3 weeks in a month
jobekka 20
its not only your period that makes you bleed, my overy is turned around, so it stores blood and every time i have sex with a big guy i bleed
poopface82 25
Shit happens. So do periods. But smoking in bed is just stupid. Either she replaces everything or get a new girlfriend.
cpguru24 18
Yikes. And gross. Your gross. Your girlfriend is gross. Smoking is gross. Sleeping (and activities) in your parents bed is gross. Your jokes are bad and you should feel bad.