Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML
Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML
Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging a tennis racket thanks to a picture message forwarded to just about everyone I know and some I don't. Among the numbers the text was sent to was a familiar one. My mom's. FML
ObeseCaveDweller tells us more.
Today, it was opening night for the play where I was, for the first time ever, one of the leads. I went on stage with a loud and energetic entrance. I came in two scenes early. FML
Today, when I went to see my therapist, she handed me a tube of tooth paste and said, "Please use it". FML
gingerlover01 tells us more.
I love how politely that was put but I do brush my teeth I just drink to much coffee and tea apparently
Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML
Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML
Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML
Today my boyfriend proposed to me and I gladly accepted. The first words out of his mouth after getting off his knees were, "I own you now!" FML
Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML
Today, I got yelled at in my office. It's construction, and I'm the youngest woman. One of my male bosses yelled at me because grown-ass adults won't sign in the log. Either I get my ass kicked by construction guys over a sign-in sheet, or yelled at by my boss. I can't win. FML
xAdtrx3x tells us more.
xAdtrx3x 8
Hi guys, OP here. Some background info- The guy who yelled at me is only here 80% of the week, and he's not the boss I report to. He just thinks he is, and how he behaved was unacceptable.(He's trying to make the office his own show, but it's not working.) The boss of my division wasn't happy about how he handled things, so he was definitely in the wrong. My co workers are defending me, and this wasn't my fault since it's not my responsibility. I'm a receptionist, not an office manager. If they don't want to sign in- he should be yelling at THEM and not me.
Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML
Today, I had to take out the trash at work and I kept trying to throw it in the dumpster. After five tries I finally made it in. I was feeling pretty good since the bag was heavy. That was until I turned around and saw about 30 of my coworkers applauding and laughing at me. FML
Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML
Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML
Today, I finally put the finishing touches to a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said, "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML
Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by, she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs, and said, "Make them fatter". FML
Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML
Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML
Today, my 70-year-old coworker managed to do something to our shared computer for it to not boot up. This is our 4th computer since we've been working together, and he refuses to believe that he's the problem. FML
Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML
Today, I had a nightmare and woke up terrified, scaring my roommate. What was the dream? That I'd had a panic attack because my box of Honey Nut Cheerios was torn and the bag inside was improperly folded. FML
smoothies14 tells us more.
smoothies14 32
The sad part was there wasn't even a box of cheerios in the room at the time (even though there usually is). I had to go to my food spot and double check anyway so I could sleep.
Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML
Today, they opened a new firing range behind my housing block. No big deal, except they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. FML
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