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By HatedGrandson - 07/01/2013 00:50 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 2 168

By gottaflossmoreoften - 13/04/2015 15:40 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 574

You deserved it 5 771

Little perv

By cplaner - 04/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 777

You deserved it 5 246

By never dip the wick in crazy - 15/04/2016 19:00 - Romania

Today, after months of patiently trying to help my girlfriend deal with her anger issues, she dumped me in a blind rage for sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 409

You deserved it 1 807

By ciammmm - 08/04/2016 00:23 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 339

You deserved it 2 391

ciammmm tells us more.

ciammmm 11

Friday 8 April 2016 16:49

This comment made me laugh incredibly hard. Thank you.

By Danno - 01/01/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 937

You deserved it 7 427

By 2k16 - 17/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 848

You deserved it 1 690

By crinitis - 28/01/2016 16:05 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 106

You deserved it 1 395

Touching cloth

By roidrager - 16/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Clearwater

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 473

You deserved it 3 083

By Anonyme - 05/01/2011 04:43 - Serbia

Today, at lunch, my seven-year-old daughter and I had a chat. I asked her if she had a sweetheart. She said, "My sex life is none of your business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 107

By Fmyapp - 02/12/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 511

You deserved it 46 108

By Anonymous - 09/07/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I had a violent sneezing attack while changing my phone's password and now I have no idea what it could be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 884

You deserved it 5 052

Parkour!

By ohjoy - 18/11/2009 07:42 - United States

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 074

You deserved it 34 623

By Terra - 19/11/2016 05:14

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 547

You deserved it 810

Kinda cruel

By Anon E. Mouse - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Waterville

Spicy

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 481

You deserved it 2 318

By MikaykayUnicorn - 16/08/2015 03:41 - United States - Blanchard

Today, I was forced to watch my 5 year old cousin. In an attempt to get him to sit still for a minute, I challenged him to a thumb wrestling match. It's been 2 hours and he keeps thumb wrestling me. If I stop, he cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 060

You deserved it 3 889

MikaykayUnicorn tells us more.

MikaykayUnicorn 36

Tuesday 18 August 2015 4:29

Hi, I'm the OP. To clarify, he comes from a terrible home. Mother is a druggie, father is abusive. Doesn't get much attention, so I decided to give him a little. I didn't think, however, he would get upset every time I tried to do something else. He is a really sweet kid, he just has a lot of energy and no one wants to spend any time with him so the energy is built up. And by "cries," I didn't mean tears, (his father would hit him whenever he cried and tell him to be a man, so he doesn't cry) I meant crying as in whining.

By tspence - 20/03/2013 22:08 - United States - Genoa

Today, I found myself arguing with a 6-year-old over a game of tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 594

You deserved it 34 244

Double standard

By hurikan68 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 2 785

By Tony - 09/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 268

You deserved it 3 311

By Anonymous - 03/07/2018 01:30

Today, I found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant. I got on Facebook to message my baby daddy, but was stopped in my tracks by his mugshot plastered all over my news feed for an alleged meth distribution investigation. He was already on parole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 4 750

Roommates from hell

By NotEnoughBleach - 14/03/2016 03:58 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trying to sleep, my roommates were shouting in the next room. When I poked my head out to tell them to shut up, I was greeted by the sight of one of them with his knob duct-taped inside a gun holster, and the other one trying to rip it off. And they wonder why I'm not more social. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 840

You deserved it 1 339

Rushed

By nostamp - 10/07/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I rushed to the post office to mail an important document for the study abroad program that I'd applied for, which was due in a few days. Just as the envelope slipped out of my hand and into the mail box, I caught a glimpse of the upper right corner where there was supposed to be a stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 339

You deserved it 39 327

Ewwww, dude

By Pauline - 09/02/2016 21:35 - United States

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 829

You deserved it 2 500

By Anonymous - 28/11/2014 12:16 - Australia

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 723

You deserved it 3 276

Better than nothing

By Fluory - 07/12/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I chose to date him. After going on for five minutes about how unique and funny he is, I ask him the same question. His reply? "You were the first person to ask me out." He then rolled over and fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 188

You deserved it 3 975

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 00:47 - United States - Pensacola

Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 842

You deserved it 2 871

By Pill popping zit monster - 23/12/2016 04:16

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 231

You deserved it 664

By eyerollplease - 30/04/2017 22:00

Today, after recently celebrating our third wedding anniversary, my husband and I watched my mom and his dad say, "I do." I'm now married to my step-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 732

You deserved it 520

He bangs the drums

By PhilDavisDied? - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 270

You deserved it 35 486

Toxic workplace goals!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 23:37 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I walked out of a job interview feeling confident because I'd really hit it off with the interviewer. He called me an hour later to tell me that I didn't get the job, since he was afraid we'd "get along too well and never get any work done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 889

You deserved it 3 742

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Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 321

You deserved it 225

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call about one of my applications. I wasn't able to answer it, but he left a voicemail. I've listened to it over and over, and I can't understand the contact information. He called from a restricted number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 717

You deserved it 1 950

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 643

You deserved it 4 979

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 332

You deserved it 3 943

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said, "You know? I like little girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 380

You deserved it 61 166

Today, it was my wedding, and I live in a country that doesn't take premarital sex lightly. My wife chose the last girl I slept with to be her main bridesmaid. She doesn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 2 216