Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML
Today, just like every other celebratory day (like my anniversary or birthday) I ordered my own Christmas present. My husband doesn't get it. I tried to explain. He openly admits he has no idea what I like and has no interest in learning, but wants me to have something to open so he won't look bad. FML
Today, my husband still hadn't gotten me anything for Christmas, so I bought and wrapped my own presents. Then I had my husband write 'to me, from him' on them so that I won't be embarrassed in front of my family on Christmas when it comes time to open presents. FML
Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML
Today, I came home and told my husband that I got my own Christmas present so he would have something to give me at the family gathering. He asked me if it was wrapped. I said it was. He said, "Nice." No follow up questions at all. FML
Today, because it was our first Christmas as a couple, I was careful to get my girlfriend what I considered to be a very thoughtful gift. She opened it, took one look at it, made a face like I'd just kicked a puppy, and told me that in future it would be better if I just gave her money so she could buy her own presents. FML
Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML
Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML
Today, I finally bought the toy my two year-old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I gave him the gift, and he started playing with the bag it came in. FML
Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a Ziploc bag filled with hair. It was thd mustache I'd been begging him to shave for months. FML
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Top comments
Feklfekl2222 32
Tell him it's a weird catapult or something, and maybe have a talk with your husband about when it's appropriate to give jokey presents
xjon1600 17
Yeah.... Santa probably should have delivered that one where the kiddo couldn't see it. Fyl
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Comments (51)
Feklfekl2222 32
Tell him it's a weird catapult or something, and maybe have a talk with your husband about when it's appropriate to give jokey presents
crudeandrudeguy 29
Am I the only one wondering why they were opening presents the day before Christmas?
xjon1600 17
The international date line is to the east of Australia. The date stamp is based on the computers that the FML servers are located on. They opened them Christmas Day.
may14th 26
Australia is about 24 hours ahead of New York, maybe that's why?
tarlax 11
Some people and some cultures open them on the 24th anyway, so what? You really felt the need to hijack the first comment just to ask a dumb question like that?
crudeandrudeguy 29
Ooops
TheFount 21
I would hope its not a "jokey present."
xjon1600 17
Yeah.... Santa probably should have delivered that one where the kiddo couldn't see it. Fyl
nash1991 20
Tell your son it's a drain plug for the sink or something
Jowisee 29
It's a ball gag, not a butt plug!
nash1991 20
Ah yes, I got stuff mixed up.
iMuffinKat 16
Tell him the classic, "It's an adult matter." then take him to get ice cream. Always works.
Poorsoul34 4
Not all the time. Some kids get suspicious of weird things and try to find out on their own.
moocowmilk0 19
on Jesus' birthday? blasphemy
eminach 9
If they are married there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Kiernan151 25
It isn't even his birthday, let alone a Christan holiday, Christmas was around far longer than Christianity
SecundusSecunda 27
I think number 5 was joking, guys But that 27 is correct in his statement, also The early roman catholics blended pagan celebrations with Christian beliefs Easter is based on the goddess of fertility but Christians use it for other things But I digress
BellaP13 24
Don't worry, your child will forget about it soon enough
RedPillSucks 33
not necessarily. OP doesn't say how old the son is, andbi know I could have gone my entire life without knowing what a ball gag is.
Elban 20
That life would've been boring
Colon_Man 17
They grow up so fast. It seems like just yesterday that the boy turned 30...
tranced_ 45
what's wrong with getting a headphone for yourself ?
ZaiopePerSe 15
thunder, you are /allowed/ to explain jokes for other people instead of being a dick
tantanpanda 26
If you still wanted it explained, 13, OP'S husband implied that OP is too loud in bed. He got her a ball gag to reduce the amount of noise, hence the headphone joke. Overall, sounds like he was joking, but this was the joke explained.
GhostFox 34
I interpreted it as the husband implying the wife nagged him. If it were just for sex, headphones would just mean that the son could hear it while the dad can't.
Pingvinai 37
"It's Rudolph's nose!" Cue ice cream. Avoid trauma.
MrZsDad 19
Could always buy him a butt plug for bad gas...