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Bad, so bad

By Anonymous - 14/11/2015 07:20 - United States

Today, the man of my dreams turned out to be the worst kisser I've ever encountered. I now have a huge hickey on my chin to remember the experience by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 938

You deserved it 2 347

Don't interrupt me

By Bad Teacher - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia - West End

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher had told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 377

You deserved it 3 371

By anonymous - 01/11/2009 13:37 - France

Today, my dad called me for the first time in weeks. All he wanted to tell me was that Ashlee Simpson got fired from Melrose Place. Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 497

You deserved it 2 611

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 00:34 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 235

You deserved it 4 247

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 05:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 015

You deserved it 2 753

By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 515

You deserved it 6 839

Spaghetti junction

By superjesse006 - 10/10/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 211

You deserved it 2 516

Get the message

By ryjacs - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 119

You deserved it 2 896

Let's spend some time together

By lucy - 03/03/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he'd pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replied, "Putting my fish tank together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 634

You deserved it 6 142

What are you doing?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 640

You deserved it 12 969

By LegInPieces - 17/10/2013 16:34 - United States - Redmond

Today, I spent an excruciating hour walking to campus with a broken leg, only to find my professor had left a note on the door saying class was canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 974

You deserved it 3 855

Slime

By klyoung5 - 03/01/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 421

You deserved it 4 989

By deadbeatdad - 15/11/2015 22:35 - United States - Edmond

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 741

You deserved it 2 214

Happy Insomnia Day!

By Morgannaken - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday presents. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 338

You deserved it 4 147

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 324

You deserved it 3 703

By Jolabanane - 21/05/2015 11:51 - France

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 36

WTF, dude?

By NNTA - 26/12/2013 23:21 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 390

You deserved it 4 534

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 19:41 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 376

You deserved it 4 003

By knepmj - 16/03/2016 09:44 - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 075

You deserved it 1 406

By Melie-Melo - 16/12/2008 07:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 130

You deserved it 2 191

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 19:02 - United States - North Scituate

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 478

You deserved it 1 878

By Anonymous - 04/07/2009 20:21 - United States

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 466

You deserved it 3 157

Whiff

By lizard - 18/12/2010 05:56 - United States

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 468

You deserved it 3 095

By NAT - 03/01/2016 16:15 - United States - Gaffney

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 402

You deserved it 2 260

Surprising

By Jrlloyd013 - 19/12/2009 22:33 - United States

Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 845

You deserved it 42 008

Dad jokes

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - India - Pune

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked at him and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 082

You deserved it 3 929

By Mr IT - 24/11/2009 01:47 - Sweden

Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 43 212

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 320

You deserved it 3 821

By lonesome - 28/04/2013 05:23 - Canada

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 611

You deserved it 3 438

By nobodyreadsmyemails - 27/10/2009 22:24 - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 946

You deserved it 44 121

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The Top

Today, I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and things were getting heated when he got a call from one of his mates wanting to play Counter Strike. Next thing I know, I'm laying in bed by myself listening to him rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 089

You deserved it 1 290

Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 492

You deserved it 38 580

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 947

You deserved it 36 897

Today, I looked outside with a grimace at the very heavy rainfall through which I had to trudge a long way. I waited ten minutes for it to let up, only to find it was getting heavier. So, I started walking anyway. After getting soaked to the bone, I walked through my door, and it stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 325

You deserved it 3 498

Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 226

Today, I caught my girlfriend slowly and deliberately eating chicken wings while sitting in front of the cage while making eye contact with my beloved bird. When she saw me staring at her in horror, she let out the creepiest, most maniacal laugh I’ve ever heard. What the actual fuck?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 270