Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML
Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML
Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML
Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML
Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML
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Top comments
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
Tell her you have invisible herpes. Everywhere.
Ren_Uchiha 11
I believe it's time to move, OP.
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Comments (52)
Ren_Uchiha 11
I believe it's time to move, OP.
gc327072 31
Date her daughter to really stir the pot.
ColdplaySucks 18
It's a good thing shitty neighbors doesn't hurt property value or many of our property investments would be down the toilet.
CrassKal 27
8- I may be wrong, but the use of the word "partner" makes me thing OP might be gay.
sophielotus 2
Or les! We don't know if OP is a girl or guy.
MagicGiraffe 12
13, the housing market is already down the toilet enough :(
BAMF223 4
Cuckoo cachoo Mrs. Robinson...
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
Tell her you have invisible herpes. Everywhere.
onlychildFTW 34
Haha that'll scare her off. Until she says "me too! We're meant for eachother".
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
#35- Sneeze AIDS then
nanpooo 6
Have you tried telling her you have no interest in dating an older woman? :S if that doesn't work, move away from her. Like far away from her.
brenkite 5
Or kill her.
sens3sfailing 25
I don't think OP's life should get uprooted because a creepy lady bothers them. Moving is a big deal, and there are less drastic ways of dealing with this problem.
walmartpaysme 15
There's always a restraining order.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
I feel sorry for her daughter...
THuD29 4
So true, poor girl :(
HeyArnold91 8
I think a restraint is in order, don't you?
BulldogHoops 14
Yeah, on this show called "Nightmare Neighbors" there have been people getting restraining orders for harassment.
gabrayal 10
'When cougars attack!'
bones_17 5
It may be a snow leopard if her daughter is the same age as you.
lovepandorasaver 11
MILF, moms i'd like to forget
perdix 31
I'm guessing she's a MIWFWYD -- a mother I wouldn't **** with your dick. This term can only be spoken aloud in Wales.
DocBastard 40
Yeah, but is she HOT? I swear, some of these FMLs deserve to be longer so OP can explain more of the situation. This one is worthless without more information!!
soja_fml 18
Although I agree with you, if she is mentally unstable I don't think it matters if she is hot or not.
bunny911 16
Just remember son, no amount of makeup can hide crazy.
perdix 31
Doc, if she were hot, there would be no FML. At least not from the OP's point of view. We might hear if this from the daughter or the girlfriend, but the OP would be bangin' away at the hot MILF in gooey bliss.
bones_17 5
A pussy you turn down is one you never get.
perdix 31
#28, nice saying, but not true. The pussy that you turn down will come at you twice as hard next time. You'd better cave quickly because you don't want first-hand experience with "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
CamdenMarie 6
I think you all are missing the part where OP says the woman trash-talks their "partner". So there's a chance OP is gay and isn't interested in the woman, hot or not. A gender identifier would be nice here, and more details.
BrittanyChayanne 14
36- I was wondering if anyone was going to mention that. Of course OP could also be a woman, it doesn't specify.
MagicStallion 9
27 - I don't think it matters if she's hot and of course there is still an FML If she is hot. After all, OP DID say he has a partner... Unless he's a cheat which I know all you FMLers hate, then he still should be posting the FML.
jmoreno 4
Tell her your happy with your life and if she doesn't quit the bs you'll make sure she isn't in it! Be blunt and if need be rude so she can get it through her head
sharksfan48 13
Op, buy some sort of weapon. At this rate, she'll eventually start watching you sleep.