Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML
Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML
Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, I found out people are suspicious of me at work because I do a good job. FML
Today, I wasn’t hungover at work for a change, after quitting heavy drinking of 10+ years. My boss accused me of being “high as a kite on drugs”, because I was “suspiciously chirpy.” FML
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML
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Top comments
MrSassypants 34
On the bright side, you'll probably cheer up about that situation very soon with how cheerful you are, buddy.
dude_itskayley 17
I personally feel like in a sense that's a compliment! A lot of people wish they could seem as happy as that I'm sure! Congrats on passing every test, really showed them! :)
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Comments (52)
sousounator 19
I moderated this FML and i, said yes to it!!!
bryce0110 23
Don't worry OP, something good similar has happened me me as I am ADHD so I get hyper. Don't let it bother you.
bryce0110 23
Why do comments like this always get dislikes? Most do and then there is the rare comment like this with top comment. I don't understand the community of FML.
HyunnK 18
Accidental up votes? I've done it sometimes.
TristanCamper 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Because ADHD isn't a real thing!
MegasaurusRex89 28
Wow #16, good thing you know so much more than a bunch of scientists and doctors. #2 and everyone else diagnosed with ADHD/ADD can now move on with their lives knowing it's not real. Thank you!
itsjackieagain 6
why is this disliked? it's awfully annoying. it's positive.
Jojohn0 23
You passed every test! High five!
cole_tyler42 21
Straight-A student right there.
jojimugo 20
Straight shooter
RoboCunnilingus 23
Thankfully, op's fives are pretty sober.
MrSassypants 34
On the bright side, you'll probably cheer up about that situation very soon with how cheerful you are, buddy.
ComoEsJuan 24
I highly doubt the world could get OP down!
Killswitchknot 20
I find it funny how people nowadays think you can't just be cheerful without being on something.
incoherentrmblr 22
I swear this some form of professional harassment where they're just trying to find any reason to fire someone...
anoniemm 13
Awesome! You're high on life dude! *virtual high five*
Exodiafinder687 58
OP's Boss: Are you taking drugs while on the clock!? OP: I'm just high on a little drug called life, sir. OP's Boss: Life huh? OP: That's right, sir. It comes in these little baggies and it's blue and it makes you feel AWESOME!!! OP's Boss: ..........uh? OP: Funniest thing is that the guy who sold it to me looks just like Malcolm's dad.
riffehunter 16
Boss: So I see you passed your drug test. OP: yes sir. Boss: Well in that case we're going have to let you go.... OP: excuse me sir? Boss: Yeah, we dont work with loosers *whips out ray bands and snaps a bong*
dude_itskayley 17
I personally feel like in a sense that's a compliment! A lot of people wish they could seem as happy as that I'm sure! Congrats on passing every test, really showed them! :)
eatingmypickles 12
Hey there! Don't be worried about being too cheerful, there's just too many miserable people in this world that don't know how to handle a positive vibe! They're just jealous. Don't make yourself any less cheerful, I'm sure that some people rely on your chipper vibe to smile.
Risea 25
Jeez his boss should be happy, at least he has an employee that's actually happy to be there everyday.
pjsr 33
In that case, those would not be 'random' drug tests
pjsr 33
which might be illegal, depending on where you live
valalvax 13
Drug tests don't have to be random, they just can't target all the black people, or white, or whatever