Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML
Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML
Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML
Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML
brerj09 tells us more.
brerj09 13
Ok so I feel like I need to clarify a few things. I'm 21 and my husband is 27. We have been married less than a year. He has gone to the doctor about this before. His testosterone levels are within the normal range but just barely. He doesn't have ED. And it's not that I'm bad in bed... He has a very low sex drive. I have a normal sex drive. If he had his way we'd have sex like once a month. I'm not happy with that. Things were getting better but then he dropped this bomb on me last night. He isn't interesting in having sex and he's doesn't want to do anything to change that. And I'm abnormal because I want to have sex. We are going to be seeing a marriage counselor....
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML
Today, I had to listen from the next room as my dad cheated on his girlfriend with his married boss. He's 57, looks like a troll, and doesn't smell much better than one either. Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it. FML
Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML
Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation daily in an effort to get pregnant. My husband has only had one task during the entire process, and after hours of gaming, he says he's just too tired to have sex. FML
Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML
Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in three months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML
Today, for reasons that I dare not ask, I received a topless selfie from my Nan followed quickly by a simple sorry text. Sorry is not going to pay for the years of therapy I need. FML
Today, I was told that the $8,500 bill for my new water well grew to $11,000 because of a fair amount of overtime. I learned that the men I hired to drill the new well at our home were spending the overtime drilling my daughter as well. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML
Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML
Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML
Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML
Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML
Today, I got grounded for having a boner when I woke up. FML
nightjay tells us more.
nightjay 21
Hi, OP here! It was just a casual morning today, and since my mom usually waits for me to get up (because I'm usually pretty lazy out of bed), they wouldn't leave my bedside. Not wanting to embarrass myself in front of my extremely Catholic mom, I said no when she kept on telling me to get up. Finally, laying on my side (facing away from my mom) she boils over and pulls the covers off, and in my attempt to save my covers from falling on the floor, she sees my boner and immediately assumes I was masturbating. I don't know which was worse: getting grounded, getting the "masturbation is evil" talk, or having my mom see my dick. Triple FML. Thanks for the support! All the penis-puns make me smile :)
Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything. Now all our conversations are almost exclusively about his kinks. Did you know a well-stretched human anus can hold an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows? FML
faily_tales tells us more.
faily_tales 16
OP here. If you really wanna know, he soaked them so they were slippery and put them in one at a time. He's got an inflation fetish and is really into butt stuff. The only reason he tells me all this stuff is because I'm one of the only people in his life that he can be totally TMI with. I'm trying to gently push him into talking about it more with his girlfriend, who's into some of the same things, and less with me. I have a strong stomach but I'm just sick of only ever talking about butt stuff! ?
Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML
Today, I had my guy over for some sexy times. Things stopped before they even started. I watched him pick his nose then wipe it on my freshly changed sheets. He denied it when I called him out on it. FML
Ananomouse tells us more.
Op here. I don't have a problem with various bodily fluids getting on the sheets. But. I have tissues on the headboard and my bathroom is two steps away from my bed. So it was just generally disrespectful all around.
Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML
Today, I declined an apartment because it didn't have a detachable shower head that I could use for my enjoyment. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML
Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because I look like his favorite Hentai character. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
