Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, a man walked through my line with a XL bottle of lotion and many boxes of tissues. As I was ringing him up, the customer broke the silence by saying, "Yeah my son won't stop using the cooking oil for his 'personal time'", finger-air-quotes and all. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Well, no, because oil degrades latex in condoms. Unless you're not using condoms, in which case it's fine, but might stain the sheets. Best to avoid it.
BlackHawkSavior 28
Well... enlighten us, is it or is it not?
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Comments (68)
jokerboy04 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
that's yucky why did you listen to your Gramma talk about sex for long enough to know what they were saying?
Rawrshi 25
I mean... technically it can be. Coconut oil is better though. Plus, it's great for your skin!
skippydoda 32
Oil based lube can cause condoms to break and holes in toys
Limeila 10
And it destroys vaginal flora
GhostFox 34
Not sure why the comment about the vaginal flora is being down thumbed- most oils can upset flora of that region due to how many plants have anti-bacterial or anti-fungal attributes. So of course using any plant or animal derived oil has a risk.
Rawrshi 25
Fun fact: Not everyone needs or uses condoms or toys. For those of us with birth control that isn't condom based, coconut oil can actually be used. Also, vaginal penetration is not the only thing which may require lube and I never said it should be used in the first place - just that it can be in a pinch and is better than olive oil.
AmericanBadAss 21
My partner and I are monogamous, too, and while I like and respect your opinion, we found that Grapeseed Oil made the best and safest lubricant.
BlackHawkSavior 28
Well... enlighten us, is it or is it not?
Uh_Oh_Bro 6
Yes it is apparently, grandma kept mentioning the taste and smell
BlackHawkSavior 28
Omg it was during dinner too? She mentioned the TASTE AND THE SMELL while you guys were eating dinner? I'm so sorry, no amount of brain bleach can help you at this point.
cootiequeen4444 11
this is olive oil we are talking about. it's a staple in Italian cooking. so.. food.. the smell and taste is probably the why in why they thought it was a good idea. it's not like their grandma was talking about the actual ****...
Ali_Br_fml 33
@cootie, the only reason I can see for her mentioning the taste is if she was planning on tasting it while using it as a lubricant. (For oral sex) That's just my opinion though. Let's hope your reason was the reason she mentioned it... And OMG OP...no amount of brain bleach will remove the image of your grandmother in compromising positions out of your head...
everythingelena 28
What an awkward conversation to have among a family...I really hope this conversation wasn't something that popped into mind when you all were eating dinner because that's something to make you lose you're appetite that's for sure
Uh_Oh_Bro 6
Yes it was during dinner
Def_Peppers 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Lube for hwat exactly.. {•~•)
smokecloud_ 37
Sex.
crudeandrudeguy 29
If you have to ask then you aren't old/mature enough to know....
PePziNL 20
Fixing plane engines.
shadypalmtree 20
A baby sucking their thumb
Grisha_fml 18
for the squeaky door hinge, of course
AmericanBadAss 21
If you HAD to ask that question, #5, maybe you shouldn't be using this website or app.
Earths_Venus 25
Well, no, because oil degrades latex in condoms. Unless you're not using condoms, in which case it's fine, but might stain the sheets. Best to avoid it.
GhostFox 34
Also, there's infection risk if the oil has been opened- and many plant and animal based oils can disturb genital flora due to antifungal and/or antibacterial effects of plants.
skippydoda 32
For the record, it isn't. Tell grandma to stick to water based lube.
Tomato_Cheese 22
What utter legends.
TheNewGuy03 29
Grandmas ****, too.
AmericanBadAss 21
Yes, they do. And the grandma I'm with, quite well, thank you. :-) (not really making a comment. just bragging!)
OhPuhleeze 23
If it's on FML, I recon your grandma wasn't talking about Oilive oil as lube in lieu of machine oil in mechanical moving parts. Wondering if someone talked about Spit being the better alternative (if the person spitting isn't suffering from some disease). it is water soluble, less potential for toxicity/allergic reaction and certainly more easily available than Olive oil.