Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kusje 31
Just ask him to pour the melted chocolate on you, that won't get you into this situation and is probably much more fun for the both of you (:
False_Stupidity 42
That was... sweet of you. I really hope he appreciated the trouble you went to after he heard you and discovered your predicament.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (70)
barfingcat21 18
I mean, 10 minutes isn't that bad, but your husband shouldn't have done what he did.
Ilovemusic237 19
It is "that bad" when you've sat there long enough for the chocolate to harden.
sparkledoge 29
He couldn't hear her, it's not like he did that on purpose.
prinzess_fml 25
@4 For this to happen she'd need to die first. And then her body would have to cool down enough. ..Oh. Is that what you meant?
Lalala579121 28
13 - Do you not know how science works?
prinzess_fml 25
Yes I do, and I know how chocolate works as well. If the chocolate is spread in a thin layer on the stomach and intimate parts, unless the room is really cool, the body temperature won't let it harden. It might get drier after a while though. Have you already held a piece of chocolate in your hand for five minutes?
prinzess_fml 25
Of course I mean real chocolate, with cocoa butter. Have you already had a thin layer of cocoa butter harden on your skin??
prinzess_fml 25
Obviously the downvoters don't have a hot body ;) Plus... Don't take everything seriously.
Bunnyluver 20
I find it's best to just not respond after a second comment. I think it depends on the chocolate and if Op says it hardened after 10 minutes, then who am I to argue with someone I don't know or haven't been there with.
JustTheTruth42 13
32 let me teach you about chocolate. For one not all chocolate is the same. It varies from brand to bran. Second there's this fun method called tempering chocolate that is done correctly will make chocolate more durable to heat. Meaning one's body heat wouldn't be able to melt it on contact.
kakarot26 7
bullshit dude ....husband dint know anything ....
prinzess_fml 25
I give up. You guys really did take it seriously. Fml is a serious matter after all. Peace! (btw 8 more innocent people really did die in Munich today -- All my thoughts and love to their families)
TMO2142 25
probably not the only thing that hardened
False_Stupidity 42
That was... sweet of you. I really hope he appreciated the trouble you went to after he heard you and discovered your predicament.
X_Gon_Giv_ItToYa 9
Sounds like a sticky situation
Dalboz 26
why is checking in quotation marks?
Lalala579121 28
I'm more curious how/why does one "check" a scene in a movie. Was he making sure the scene was still there? Or was he playing hockey with it?
dannidoll93 24
Probably because it's the word he used- I.e. Quotation marks to indicate a a direct quote.
species4872 20
Because that's what he said he was doing obviously and she was skeptical. Can't you's read between the lines?
FacesOfHumanity 14
@25 Have you ever watched a movie and you really loved one scene and wanted to watch it again, but just the scene of the movie?
scyth3s 13
The most likely scenario if he was checking the scene is that he argued with someone about exactly what was said, and was checking to see who was correct.
Lalala579121 28
41 - Yes, and I would say I was watching that scene, not "checking" it.
newzealand 28
An 'A' for effort OP!
kusje 31
Just ask him to pour the melted chocolate on you, that won't get you into this situation and is probably much more fun for the both of you (:
thinkaboutit5 17
Wait, someone liked Batman vs Superman enough to have a favorite scene from it? Don't down vote into oblivion, it just felt poorly put together.
Lalala579121 28
Yeah. The ending credits.
mfmylifesrsly 30
The movie could have been better..but I still liked it. Hans Zimmer is amazing and I love his music. And I was happy Wonder Woman was finally in a recent movie.
tj4234 36
The only thing that would have saved that movie would have been if Warner Brothers sacked the entire production team who worked on it and replaced them all. Zack Snyder is an awful director, he puts too much in his films without fleshing the story out.
Calfml2 8
next time use just a little drizzle of chocolate not enough to hold you in place.
candyndanny 10
"checking" what does that mean since its in quotes?
khadishja 12
why white chocolate?
hussamhasi 22
Racism
Lalala579121 28
Milk chocolate matters.
tootsie68 22
It looks like cum though
Flyndaran 10
Please see a doctor or exorcist if your ejaculate is exiting bleach white and as viscous as tar. Also it's spelled come. I hate this modern hatred of proper spelling using 70s **** fiction to learn English.