Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 34
Well, you heard her. Stop pinching her nipple right now.
MDoremis 38
To be fair, that can get annoying and painful after a while. Particularly if it's at random and unwanted.
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Comments (32)
Dave_Davington 34
Well, you heard her. Stop pinching her nipple right now.
MDoremis 38
To be fair, that can get annoying and painful after a while. Particularly if it's at random and unwanted.
kl0x 8
That sounds like that wasn't the first time.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Plot twist: Mother was alone in the shower.
LyricaSilvan 30
Alternate plot twist: it was an earwig.
HieronymusBoche 13
double plot twist : mother wasn't alone in the shower...
delichick 27
.
ThrottleJockey 36
Triple plot twist; it wasn't OP's mother at all.
freddygasman 18
quad plot twist: it was another woman in the shower with op's mom
thatoneguy255 9
M. Night Shyamalan twist. The mother was actually deceased and OP doesn't even own a shower.
PePziNL 20
Michael Bay twist: the shower exploded.
brenton490 19
Wow this also sounds like a scene straight out of a porno. People and their homemade porno these days.
Lalala579121 28
What the hell kind of **** do you watch?
dontknow1 19
You should stop watching ****, it's affecting your perception.
Theguyinthedark 11
Who was the pincher?
trucker2 33
So yell back, Do you need a band-Aid
cornyrob 33
At least she didn't yell, "Pinch my nipple! hard!"
DrChrisOfWumbo 12
And then you turned around and walked out right?
niftyismybitch 21
Gotta have a safe word...or sentence.