Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML
Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
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Top comments
FarFromHome_fml 17
You know you can still say no, right? Just because you're married doesn't mean you're forced to have sex every time he wants to. If you aren't feeling it say no. If you want him to put some effort in tell him so.
askullnamedbilly 33
If he saved himself for marriage too and you're the kind of people who have a moral issue with things like ****, masturbation, sex ed etc., he might simply not know any better. Sit him down, tell him that women generally don't come as quickly and easily as men and that we usually need some work before the actual sex can happen. Good luck.
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Comments (53)
FarFromHome_fml 17
You know you can still say no, right? Just because you're married doesn't mean you're forced to have sex every time he wants to. If you aren't feeling it say no. If you want him to put some effort in tell him so.
sohigh10 34
I'm pretty sure it isn't the problem of not wanting sex, but more that he could put a little more effort into wooing her.
PrincessShiraz 11
she doesn't say she agreed.
Kieranr10 23
Isn't it obvious. He wants to do it doggy style.
brownapple 22
no
PuffPastry 8
*facepalm*
Kieranr10 23
Ok my bad :)
Isamermaid 17
Talk with him, tell him it needs more work than that. 1. I assume you can talk to him about anything, since you married him. 2. I assume he cares about your desires, since he married you. (And you CAN say no.)
Nabexis 9
Relationships thrive on communication. Let him know how you're feeling and that you want more that just a tap on the shoulder.
askullnamedbilly 33
If he saved himself for marriage too and you're the kind of people who have a moral issue with things like ****, masturbation, sex ed etc., he might simply not know any better. Sit him down, tell him that women generally don't come as quickly and easily as men and that we usually need some work before the actual sex can happen. Good luck.
Dale_shackleford 13
Exactly. How can people save themselves and honestly expect their partner to know what they're doing? They probably both have no experience and aren't communicating.
PrincessShiraz 11
Oh please. By this logic every virgin is an inconsiderate jerk the first time they have sex.
Garnetshaddow 30
Sorry but... YDI. You really should have at least talked about sex (even if you waited) to make sure you were compatible before you went through with the wedding. Now you need to have one or more very serious conversations... Hopefully this won't end in divorce. Good luck.
rldostie 19
How could they talk about being comparable if they didn't even know their own sex habits? If they both were virgins, neither might not have known how they want sex, how often, what a partner can do to turn them on, or how to spice things up. How can you talk about something you don't know? You're being unnecessarily harsh. This is an issue with saving ones self for marriage (and why I don't agree with it but to each his/her own)--one doesn't know enough to break it down for their partner before marriage. Instead, what the OP should be doing is sitting her husband down and telling him she needs more than just a tap on the shoulder, he needs to put in more effort, and go from there. Theoretically, this is very fixable.
tygerarmy 35
You can talk about what you think you would like. I waited for a serious relationship. But I had still watched ****, and still got turned on. You can have the conversation, hey I saw this in a movie, I think I might like it if we try it. OP needs to tell him what she wants him to do. And if she hasn't experimented with herself, she should, and figure out what she actually likes.
TheNewGuy03 29
I love hitting it from the back, but if that's not crude, I don't know what is! I don't care what people say, but waiting until marriage ends up being a disaster more often than not.
Unenunciable 14
That's how I understood it at first too, but don't you tap someone on the shoulder because they're looking in the other direction? I think it's turning around to face him actually. Still not foreplay though, obviously.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Obviously he wants her to roll onto her back. They call it the missionary position for a reason.
TheNewGuy03 29
That makes perfect sense as well, 11
Zebediabolical 45
I assumed OP's new hubby liked hitting it from the back too. Mostly because of OP's username. :D
qwertyuiopasdfgh_fml 16
You can say no, you should bring it up and tell him you want to work on your sexlife because you're not enjoying your current one. Sex should be good for the both of you!
denna44 14
Communication is key- tell him how u feel& what you want
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
YDI for marrying when obviously inexperienced and then expecting him to know what he's doing. Talk to him and explain what you need/want.