Today, I had to listen from the next room as my dad cheated on his girlfriend with his married boss. He's 57, looks like a troll, and doesn't smell much better than one either. Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad called in a rage, saying he caught my "cheating whore" girlfriend at a bar on a date. I had to admit to him that she and I participate in a cuckold lifestyle. The sheer disgust and disappointment in his voice has been haunting me all day. FML
Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML
Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, not only have I been cheated on in every relationship until where I am right now, I learned my current wife is fucking a guy 15 years younger than us. When we were both his age and post-grad, she turned me down several times. She didn't give me a chance until five years ago when she "wanted to settle." FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML
Today, my mom is 44 years-old, and she is cheating on my dad with my friend who is 19. And she's paying me to keep her secret. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Cheaters make my blood boil.
stayydomii 21
OP you gotta get your confidence up. People find it sexy. As for your dad, hopefully karma comes for him soon...
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Comments (79)
WCARlover 35
Cheaters make my blood boil.
Hippohighasakite 21
Ebola makes my blood boil!
shoegoo 5
nunu's w makes my blood boil
Lalala579121 28
212 degrees Fahrenheit makes my blood boil.
MrMoos13 11
Hahaha good LoL reference!
v4valour 15
"Baby, it didn't mean anything.... You gotta believe me!" was the line i used. . . . . . my cat gets REALLY jealous when I pet others.
IDontKnowaName73 17
Teemo makes my blood boil
bornpatriot 11
Considering the kind words you use to describe your father, an ungrateful **** like you deserves every bit of it. You're 24 and still living with your father. I suggest you work up to get your own place before thinking of getting laid.
Mightyrif 23
The answer to that riddle? Confidence, my boy.
stayydomii 21
OP you gotta get your confidence up. People find it sexy. As for your dad, hopefully karma comes for him soon...
strudelman 14
This is always the advice, but I'm afraid it's really not that useful. "Confidence" is far more a personal characteristic than it is something you can consciously choose. Indeed, knowing the importance of confidence, and also that you don't possess it, can result in further insecurity.
DanishPeach 8
Fake it till you make it. It is possible - but hard - to increase your confidence.
rain_in_the_Sky 3
you'd be surprised how right 62 is, it will change the way you think dramatically.
Yahboi1 11
Rat him out to his gf
AmericanBadAss 21
Don't you dare "rat him out" to ANYONE, OP. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY likes or respects a rat. And ☝️this person ☝should know that!
captain_hero89 22
well at least your dad is getting a raise, which means a higher allowance for you. hopefully you still get allowance
mhersh_59 8
His dad probably is getting a raise, but not the thing you're thinking of.
Vitani_Verci 24
Your dad is scum, and the women he's cheating on his girlfriend with are equally scum. I'd rather be a decent human being than have sex. Don't worry OP, someone will come along for you.
nightingale21 7
They're scum if they know.
ImAFaker 29
I'd rather be a decent human being then* have sex
pixilz 7
10/10 best wording
riahlum 12
"His married boss" even if they didnt theyre cheating too
Beeboopbeep 9
#28 I was about to say you were a failed abortion of two grammar Nazis.
littlekellilee 45
Maybe 28 actually means it like that. First he'd like to be a human being, then he'd like to have sex.
taterrtots 25
hahaha 28 if you're gonna take the time to correct someone's grammar on the Internet, and least be right about it. jeez
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
#28 made a joke that no one seems to have understood. Rather than be a decent human being with no sex, they want to be a decent human being and then have sex. #28 didn't correct the grammar so much as make a play on words over then/than.
HollyQuinn 21
F his girlfriend's life too. Chin up OP, it'll happen for you!
Zebediabolical 45
"Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date..." If you want sex without a date, find a pro. But personally I find meaningless sex, well.... meaningless.
sirrubberduckie 37
You don't need to find a pro to have sex without a date.
Zebediabolical 45
"Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it." Yes. Some people can get sex without dates. But based on OP's post, OP isn't one of them.
Tripartita 45
You're 24, OP. Why is your username "emancipate my ass"?
never_three 21
Maybe they've had their account since before they turned 18, it's plausible with how long the sites been out
Tripartita 45
I said username, but FML also has nicknames. Usernames cannot contain spaces and are permanent, but nicknames can and are customizable when you write a new FML. Regardless of username, the OP chose the nickname "emancipate my ass" while submitting this story as a 24-year old.
never_three 21
Then maybe they're referring to the fact that they're still living at home at 24? Why does it matter so much
Tripartita 45
I never said it did matter; I just thought it was an odd choice of phrase. Then you responded. Twice.
BobbieH 19
It matters because he is 24. No emancipation necessary, just get a job and get out. There's no reason why he has to stay at home at 24 if he doesn't want to. It's up to OP to make his way in the world, starting with not living with his dad if he doesn't want to live with him.