Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I witnessed a drunk woman going on a manic, unhinged rant about her vagina. It would’ve been funny if she wasn’t my blind date. The worst part is that we were at my favorite restaurant, and I can probably never show my face there again. FML
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Top comments
Fgjvshnb 22
Hey, some people have to pay good money to have someone do that to them!
tigerisabelle 31
Chin up OP your time will come, and hopefully it won't be from some psycho at a bar
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Comments (34)
Fgjvshnb 22
Hey, some people have to pay good money to have someone do that to them!
JetCyclone27 18
Look on the bright side OP you definitely don't have an std!
macy1998 2
They could have gotten one from parents
tigerisabelle 31
Chin up OP your time will come, and hopefully it won't be from some psycho at a bar
drayloon 50
I don't suppose you have a foot fetish by any chance?
SecundusSecunda 27
I was thinking more along the lines of masochism
Tripartita 45
Don't worry, OP. You were once pushed out of somebody's ******.
tygerarmy 35
Not if the OP was cut out of an abdomen.
gabechriswill 19
Wow, what a bitch. Find a girl who knows how to properly handle your jewels, OP. Good luck
classicate 29
rip
thestoryofacaleb 14
Kinky
sjosue9 14
If the roles were reversed it would be national news
Tripartita 45
If the roles were reversed, it would be a spaceship that makes BZZZZZZZ sounds and has lasers! Seriously, if you trust your gut feeling, you can make any claim you want. But statistics suggest instances of violence against women are under reported, so you couldn't be farther from the truth.
sweetpotato301 7
It would not be national news. Violence against men isn't taken serious enough but that's just silly. Women get attacked in the streets every day, is it always on national news? No
fakedsincerity 32
There needs to be more awareness of violence/sexual assault on males but discrediting female victims is no way to do that. It just makes you look petty and vindictive.
Zebediabolical 45
A bar isn't the best setting to find intimacy. Sex, on the other hand, bars and parties if you want no strings.