Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML
Today, I took my AP US History exam. For some reason, my school let the school nurse proctor the exam. She read the instructions for the wrong test and told us to seal up our tests, despite having another section left in that book. She wouldn't listen to us when we tried to tell her. FML
soccerswim20 tells us more.
Yes, we did all get to retake the exam. Our principal called the College Board and told them what happened, and they said we could either skip the section in the now sealed book wait until the next testing date. We decided to wait and took a different version of the test. And the second time our school counselor proctored so there were no problems! So moral of the story, if something the test proctor is telling you seems wrong, SPEAK UP.
Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.
Today, I found out that my mother intentionally donated the quilt that I had made for her, because, "It didn't match anything". That was $70 worth of fabric and 7 and a half weeks spent on that handiwork of mine. FML
Today, I was performing in a play. One of my co-actors elbowed me right as I was taking a swig of my drink, causing me to fling cold tea into my face and all over the table. If that wasn't majestic enough, I had to keep acting in several more scenes with a wet tea stain in my crotch area. FML
Grammer_Nazzi tells us more.
Hey, everyone, OP here! Thank you for everyone's kind words, and the play did indeed go to plan apart from that little hiccup. Extra little story: We had another show on the next day, and during the exact same scene, the exact same co-actor clinked her glass against mine so hard that it broke. I think she might have taken the drunkenness a bit too seriously. Fun times.
Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I went to get a haircut. The guy next to me was in an Army uniform and had requested a short buzz cut. My stylist had to take a call, so another came out and there must've been a miscommunication, but by then, she was already fast at work. Guess who got stuck with the other guy's haircut. FML
Buzzed_Head9 tells us more.
Hey, OP here. I'm new to this site, guess I should've made an account before posting? Sorry about that. Anyway, everyone had a pretty good laugh about it after the initial shock wore off! The place had these staggered walls in between the chairs and the other guy was blocked from view. Since it was a busy day, I guess the first stylist had said something along the lines of "the guy on the end just needs a buzz cut". When the second woman had come out she just launched right into it, and I did not say anything about the electric razor because I figured she was just going to clean up the back. But nope. Like a few of you had said, once it was started there was no going back because she went straight down the middle from my forehead to my crown! She was super apologetic about the whole thing, and sent me off with a full giftcard for the future. My hair was sort of on the longer side before, maybe just up to my ears but now it's only 1/8 inch all around. It was a big change but I guess I'll keep it for now since it's comfortable and looks alright. Thanks for all your comments, didn't think anyone would even read this!
Today, at the laundromat. I loaded a huge load into the top dryer, put all the quarters in, and started the bottom one. I realized my mistake when I came to check on it. FML
Today, my new upstairs neighbours sent away a package, telling the delivery guy that the person doesn't live there anymore. The package is a birthday present from my mother in-law, and it's been sent back twice now, even after talking to them and leaving a letter for them with my name on it. FML
kingdomgirl94 tells us more.
Hey everyone, Op here. I live in the basement apartment, with a side door entrance. The problem is that my side door opens directly into an alley, so all packages and mail are brought to the front door. If I knew who was delivering it, it wouldn't be an issue, but it's direct order from build-a-bear (I was finally told what it was after the second time it got sent back) and we don't know who they're using to deliver. I wish that it was going back to my mother in law, but what's even worse is that it keeps getting sent back to the build-a-bear thing in Ohio (I'm in Ontario). The delivery company, thinking that the recipient has moved, doesn't even hold the package or leave a note for pickup, they immediately send it back. I don't think the new neighbours are even doing it to be malicious, I think they're just dumb. It's like six guys just out of residence (this is a university town, I'm a student too) and everytime I've spoken to them I get a deer-in-headlights look. Either way it's super annoying. I really like the suggestion of leaving a note telling the delivery guy that the upstairs neighbours are idiots and that I do in fact live there. Really made me laugh! Here's hoping I get it soon!
Today, my obnoxious roommate who always blasts crappy music day in and day out as loud as he can has reached an all time low. He has now started blasting Christmas music. It's May. FML
LucyLollipop tells us more.
LucyLollipop 22
Hey guys! OP here, thought I'd add to the fun. So, I live in a dorm-like building. I rent a room and share the kitchen, bathroom, living area, etc. It sucks, but it's affordable and it's what I've got till my car is reliable enough to move farther from my work. This place is off campus though, so the people who live here are more druggies, welfare recipients, and some really weird people, with a couple normal ones in the mix. Also, the walls are paper thin. The neighbor/roommate in question is a 46 year old, toothless guy with no job except for prospecting in the local rivers and streams occasionally. He always keeps his door open, yawns and burps louder than anyone needs to, and plays a lot of music. Including but not limited to "My Heart Will Go On," and the Chippettes' rendition of "Let It Go." Those songs. Every day. Multiple times a day. So I guess I can be grateful he was blasting "All I Want for Christmas is You" instead of the usual, but still. He also likes to watch hentai with the door wide open and the volume up. I honestly don't mind Christmas music when it's Christmas! Except I've been working retail so it's grinding on my nerves more now. Oh well. Thanks for all the sympathy! I loved reading all the comments, they've made my lunch break a little more interesting.
Today, my mattress has gotten so old and trashed that I was woken up by two springs ripping through my bed sheets and stabbing me in the leg and abdomen. FML
gavthewarealpaca tells us more.
Hey everybody, OP here, I love all the puns you have made and the concern. The spring that hit my leg went pretty far in, it chipped a small piece off my femur and the one in my abdomen was only skin deep. I'm currently in the hospital recovering from the surgery to get the little chip of bone out of my leg. I'm doing well and will be out within a few days! Thank you for the publish!!
Today, I had to sit through the wedding of my best friend and the love of my life, and pretend to be happy for them. FML
Unstable
Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML
Today, I found out that it's possible to make your sister so mad that she scoops the litter box and hides the contents around your room. FML
kattylizbeth tells us more.
Hey, guys, OP here. I'm not even sure if I'm following up correctly, but here goes. My sister is almost 9, and I pissed her off because I didn't want to go to her softball scrimmage (yep, scrimmage not game) because I was going to Six Flags with my school. Apparently, this warranted her putting cat shit on my bookshelf/nightstand. Props to her, it was the worst thing to come home to ever. I didn't prank her back, she's 8. I did take away the pooper scooper though, lol
Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML
Today, I'm still awake from not sleeping last night. The reason? At 2am I was in my garage when all of a sudden someone's phone went off outside. I live in the country and no one should be out there. Looks like I'm not sleeping for the next few weeks. FML.
countryb_cth tells us more.
OP here, wow I can't believe this actually got posted. I want to say thank you for the kind words, it was deffinatly nerve racking. To clear some things up, no we did not call the cops. The reason is once I heard the phone go off I woke up my mom and she turned on all the outside lights scaring whoever it was off. (I could tell because their phone went off again but that time the sound was farther away) Also I could tell it was a cell phone from how close it was and ring tones are easy to recognize. For the people saying it could be someone passing through, I highly doubt it since my back yard is fenced and my neighbors are not close together at all. However we are thinking it might be just some teenagers, since when housing construction was going on across the road from us some teens snuck into the unfinished houses, so it could be just them. Thankfully though my parents lock up the gates to the back yard and have a motion sensor camera set up that sends a message to your phone when triggered. We also own 3 dogs, one of which is a great dane. He's a big baby but his bark sure is scary. We hope the person doesn't come back again, if they do we will be calling the cops. There has only ever been one break in the neighborhood and we hope to keep it that way.
Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML
Today, I got the wristbands in the mail for a music festival in a month and a half. This is my first time going to an event like this and I got overzealous and put it on. Now it's locked tightly on my wrist. I checked online after and it said not to put it on before you arrive at the event. FML
warrior1995 tells us more.
warrior1995 15
Hey guys! OP here, So to start things off, yes i know i'm an idiot... This is the first time i am ever attending an event like this and excitement got the best of me. I didn't really think of the idea that the wristband would lock, i had tried every possible thing to get it off but it was only making it tighter. Thank you to the few of you that were suggesting that twist off method to loosen it but unfortunately this bracelet had an extra piece so the clip itself could not be twisted off. To those of you commenting that it must be an EDM festival i'm attending because "only someone who goes to raves is stupid enough to do something like that" It is not an EDM festival. As for a follow up, I contacted the group on facebook and twitter a couple days ago and they finally got back to me today and told me to contact their support email. The person who responded there told me that i could simply cut off the band and that if i bring in the broken band, my receipt (proof of purchase), and my ID that i will be able to get a replacement at the festival. They also told me i would have to wait in a line for it, which is usually fairly long but there isn't any extra fee for the replacement. I am fine with this because it is a lot better than the alternative of being out the $300+ and not being able to attend this event! Thanks for all the comments guys :)
Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML
Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include MTV. This made us lose the only channel I care about: HBO. Goodbye Game of Thrones, hello Teen Mom. FML
Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML
Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML
Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML
Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML
Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML
Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML
Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML
Today, I started my first training day using an MRI machine and completely forgot to remove my nipple piercings before I went in. I've never experienced a pain so vile and lingering in my life. FML