Miscellaneous: Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging...

By ObeseCaveDweller - United States

Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging a tennis racket thanks to a picture message forwarded to just about everyone I know and some I don't. Among the numbers the text was sent to was a familiar one. My mom's. FML

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ObeseCaveDweller tells us more :

This sounds strangely familiar. Oh, that's right, it was me that this happened to

Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Side effects

By fail - Canada

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

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By damniphone - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on my phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

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By Tytonic - 3/2/2020 14:00 - United States - Chevy Chase

Please, apologize

Today, my teacher yelled at me for using my phone in class. I apologized out loud, knowing that it would help me get off easier. She was yelling at somebody else. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot, I hit my boss's truck. While he was in it. FML

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By Shady_Soldier - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I like recommended I buy this computer game. Wanting to impress him, I agreed. Turns out it was a joke. I am now the proud owner of Microsoft Train Simulator 2005, and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By Stef

Today, as I was about to go to bed, the lid came off a brand new bottle of laundry detergent and it toppled down my carpeted basement steps. 3 hours, 2 dozen microfiber cloths, and a bucket of water later and my steps are still full of suds. I went to bed at 3 am and my 10 week old was up at 4 am. FML

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By Hailey - United States

Today, I took sexy pictures for my boyfriend. I am at my Aunt's house. I uploaded the pictures and after successfully posting them in a message I deleted them. I accidentally deleted the whole photo library. Now she is taking the computer to Apple tomorrow to recover the "lost" photos. FML

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By brawl y’all - 31/10/2020 09:04 - United States

Some winners…

Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw a teenager knock over a woman, so I rushed over to help her up. Turns out, she had a knife and thanked me by stealing my wallet and phone. FML

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By md - Canada

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2020 08:00

What a tool

Today, my ex-boyfriend wrote to me for the first time in years, because of the whole Covid-19 situation. Did he want to make sure I am okay? No. In fact, he didn't even ask about me. He just seemed to consider this the perfect opportunity to patronize me some more, and felt the need to tell me to "keep calm." FML

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By raiden

Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

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By sideeffect001 - United States - Logan

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

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By iwantaraise - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

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By oneiPodlighter - United States - Conshohocken

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

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By ninjapup - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

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By jojo - United States

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

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By Ouch

Getting a head start on the Halloween look

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

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By BenFiggy - United States - Brick

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

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By fuck you, tasha - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

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By Cracky - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 17:00

Nutters Inc.

Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me because he's sick of me being annoyed at him. Why am I annoyed at him? Because he wants to go and spend a week with his ex. FML

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By taz

Today, I saw an old high school friend I haven't seen in years and decided to sneak up to surprise him. In the last 15 years he became a soldier and a Muay Thai martial artist. My arm is numb and I think I may be peeing blood. Never sneak up behind a soldier. It really hurts. FML

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By Darkheaven - France

Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML

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By - 8/3/2020 20:17

Right in the kisser

Today, I was in sociology class and I raised my hand to ask a question, not realizing that the professor was right behind me. I smacked him right in the face, no doubt reducing my chances of a good grade. FML

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By Maxie-Nathanial - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, an hour after telling me she wasn't in mood for sex, my girlfriend called me to help her get a cucumber out of her ass. FML

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By Lisa - 24/4/2020 05:00

Confinement must be great

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because he won’t stop inappropriately talking to other girls on social media. We live together and have 6 months left on our apartment lease. FML

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1570

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By jeesh - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 22:58

Egg mode

Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML

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By lunab123 - United States - Potomac

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

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By GotMyBitchBack - United States - Zanesville

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

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By clo_bo

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#777986 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:11

At least your mom will know that all that money she spent on tennis lessons has finally paid off!

I hope you demonstrated the proper grip and follow-through.

By DanielleTheOne | 3

#778816 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:53

LOL everyones hating on you man :( lol dont worry about it.. Everyone will get over it haha. And dont listen to these fucknuts saying "YDI for being drunk" because people get drunk all the time and you sound like a funny drunk where as i know a lot of angry drunks and violent drunks. Your better off making people laugh then making them cry lol.

COMMENTS

By Blahp | 0

#777977 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:04

Rofl. Sorry though.

dotsdesu | 0

#778122 - Saturday 16 January 2010 18:41

Swinging your racket while naked?

I hope you were smacking really hard.

Wave it around, baby!

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#779032 - Sunday 17 January 2010 4:24

YDI, for abusing alcohol.. Too much alcohol is poison and it makes people stupid.. It doesn't make things fun or funny.. It slows your brain, so the boring things seem fun or funny..

By _cheeseballs | 0

#777978 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:05

No one cares, probably not even your 'mom' considering she's seen it all before.
This one isnt even remotely amusing.

inconvienentgurl | 0

#778397 - Saturday 16 January 2010 22:16

Agreed...
YDI for getting drunk...you could of stopped and then you wouldn't be in that situation so its not even close to an FML or funny....

Who clicked yes when moderating???

greentiger | 5

#4016355 - Friday 10 February 2012 7:56

....then don't comment if you dont think it's funny. Just go on and read the next FML

MinaGermania | 12

#5881903 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 8:02

That's because it wasn't for OP which is why it's an FML for OP.

By perdix | 29

#777986 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:11

At least your mom will know that all that money she spent on tennis lessons has finally paid off!

I hope you demonstrated the proper grip and follow-through.

raisin31408 | 0

#2256260 - Monday 28 March 2011 18:57

^win^ lmfao!!!!

By oldwiseguy | 0

#777990 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:13

Consider yourself lucky, now that you know how pathetic you are when you drink, maybe you'll turn your life around. if you can't drink without getting drunk then you are an alcoholic and need to join AA.

Vacant | 7

#778023 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:35

Yeah, because one night of getting drunk really leans toward the idea that the OP is a raging alcoholic and needs AA. What is with people jumping so ahead of everything?

timtam24 | 0

#778063 - Saturday 16 January 2010 17:37

You don't sound old and wise at all #4.

pegasus77 | 0

#778284 - Saturday 16 January 2010 20:35

Yeah, because everyone who gets drunk once in a while is an alcoholic. You don't even know the definition of an alcoholic if you think that.

yourkiddingright_fml | 0

#778386 - Saturday 16 January 2010 22:04

Not true, wiseguy! One is allowed to get drunk as long as when they are drunk they do not do stupid things or harm other people AND getting drunk is not something they do every time they drink. Then it's a problem.

By whataloadofbull | 0

#777999 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:17

Fifth.

By dzerzhinsky | 0

#778039 - Saturday 16 January 2010 17:02

fyl/ydi

By jonny2x4 | 0

#778069 - Saturday 16 January 2010 17:45

Who hasn't done that before?

Anybody?

By me5 | 0

#778141 - Saturday 16 January 2010 19:02

Just enjoy the FMLs everybody. Don't lecture trying to fix lives.. What's done is done.

By did_it_4_lulz | 0

#778180 - Saturday 16 January 2010 19:34

I LMAO'd. I've definitely been one of these photo takers and it's hilarious.

By MoobyTheCow | 2

#778292 - Saturday 16 January 2010 20:45

YDI it for being retarded. Alcohol isn't license to be an idiot. If you can't control yourself, don't drink.

Better you got this picture now than sentenced for rape later, because the courts don't care about "I was drunk LOL!"

vetter_fml | 0

#778406 - Saturday 16 January 2010 22:23

him making a giant fool of himself is a pretty large leap away from rape...

garbijmann91 | 0

#778495 - Saturday 16 January 2010 23:26

If you think that everyone who acts like a moron every now and then is a rapist, than I'm sorry, your just a fucking idiot. A self righteous idiot. Which is like 20,000 times worse. Accusing people you don't know of being rapists is just...unacceptable.