Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging...

By ObeseCaveDweller - 16/1/2010 07:26 - United States

Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging a tennis racket thanks to a picture message forwarded to just about everyone I know and some I don't. Among the numbers the text was sent to was a familiar one. My mom's. FML

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ObeseCaveDweller tells us more :

This sounds strangely familiar. Oh, that's right, it was me that this happened to

Miscellaneous

Out of it

Creepy

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

By Noname - 8/3/2009 23:40 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

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By gmd05 - 31/7/2012 14:28 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

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By Distracted - 9/4/2015 20:11 - United States - Greenfield

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 07:54 - South Africa

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

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By anonymous - 14/12/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

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By TheDeathguard - 20/7/2017 20:05

Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML

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By PartTimePrincess - 10/9/2013 14:56 - United States

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

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By Toaster - 30/7/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

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By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

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By lala456 - 30/12/2010 04:02 - United States

Today, I had my noise-canceling headphones on and a girl sitting next to me raised her glass at me. I thought she meant "cheers". So I did a "cheers" with her. When I drank my juice, it was only then did I realize that she was trying to tell me the flight attendant had mixed up our drinks. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2012 04:35 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2018 07:00 - United States - Fort Collins

Estoy Poopin

Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML

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By staciedee - 1/6/2010 09:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

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By ari - 27/7/2019 20:00

Today, while on a road trip, I went to the bathroom at a gas station and locked the door. Turns out the lock was automatic and I'd actually unlocked it. My mom walked in on me, but instead of apologizing and leaving, she yelled at me in the middle of the gas station. FML

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By loser - 10/10/2009 20:45 - France

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

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By lollipopp56 - 26/3/2009 06:09 - Canada

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

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By Poorman - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United Kingdom

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

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By nottoosmall - 3/4/2013 16:57 - United States

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

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By Marcus Whitfield - 14/3/2020 15:00

Bear of a man

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

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By kalisa anteater - 9/6/2013 20:49 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I had to explain to my mother that a lace mini-dress with an obscene amount of cleavage was not appropriate to wear while meeting my boyfriend's parents. She called me an "annoying prude" and said that with my attitude, I don't deserve to have a man. FML

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By epic flash - 2/10/2017 20:00

Wild Child

Today, my daughter's quirkiness and eccentricities may have gone to a whole new level when her school faculty describes her as "no stranger to LSD". She's 5. FML

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By rog3rli - 13/11/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

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By DrugsRX - 17/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Winder

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

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By kibblegirl - 6/6/2019 00:01

Today, I was so hungry that my mouth started watering during a dog food commercial. FML

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By mel - 18/1/2011 07:05 - United States

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 20:36 - Mexico

Today, my blanket got caught on my nose ring and it took my boyfriend over an hour to get it free. Afterwards, he admitted he was trying not to laugh because it reminded him of a bullfight. FML

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By neversayhiagain - 10/2/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 18:00

Cockstepblocked

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

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By missalexa - 3/8/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

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By - 11/6/2019 12:49

Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. FML

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By atleasthelistened - 9/3/2016 08:04 - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered my boyfriend listens way better in his sleep than he does when he's awake. FML

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By Sparks - 13/3/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

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By AndyAnonymous - 27/4/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, I brought several bags of soda cans to the store to cash in. I hadn't shaved, and my coat had fur all over from my cat rubbing on it. The lady in front of me turned around, looked at my bags and me and said, "It's a lot of money people throw away, isn't it?" Apparently, I look homeless. FML

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By idiotwithaface - 23/9/2010 14:17 - United States

Today, I recently graduated from highschool and I went to a college party. I met these girls and told them I graduated college already, to sound cool. I then heard one of them say "I went to middle school with you, and I was in your math class." FML

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By Never Again - 9/8/2016 18:17 - United States - Riverhead

Today, I went to collect my clothes out of the dryer. Thinking it would be fun for my small dog, I brought her with me. I put her down and let her sniff around while I put my clean clothes in a basket. I turned around from putting more clothes in the dyer to catch her peeing in my clean clothes. FML

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By yeahthatsme - 30/7/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

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By Jobless - 27/4/2017 14:00

Today, my new job e-mailed to tell me the role was no longer available, leaving me to start my job search all over again. My notice at my current job ends this week. But it's OK, because as compensation for my 'distress', the company sent £100 worth of vouchers... to the wrong address. FML

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By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#777986 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:11

At least your mom will know that all that money she spent on tennis lessons has finally paid off!

I hope you demonstrated the proper grip and follow-through.

By DanielleTheOne | 3

#778816 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:53

LOL everyones hating on you man :( lol dont worry about it.. Everyone will get over it haha. And dont listen to these fucknuts saying "YDI for being drunk" because people get drunk all the time and you sound like a funny drunk where as i know a lot of angry drunks and violent drunks. Your better off making people laugh then making them cry lol.

COMMENTS

By Blahp | 0

#777977 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:04

Rofl. Sorry though.

dotsdesu | 0

#778122 - Saturday 16 January 2010 18:41

Swinging your racket while naked?

I hope you were smacking really hard.

Wave it around, baby!

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#779032 - Sunday 17 January 2010 4:24

YDI, for abusing alcohol.. Too much alcohol is poison and it makes people stupid.. It doesn't make things fun or funny.. It slows your brain, so the boring things seem fun or funny..

By _cheeseballs | 0

#777978 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:05

No one cares, probably not even your 'mom' considering she's seen it all before.
This one isnt even remotely amusing.

inconvienentgurl | 0

#778397 - Saturday 16 January 2010 22:16

Agreed...
YDI for getting drunk...you could of stopped and then you wouldn't be in that situation so its not even close to an FML or funny....

Who clicked yes when moderating???

greentiger | 5

#4016355 - Friday 10 February 2012 7:56

....then don't comment if you dont think it's funny. Just go on and read the next FML

MinaGermania | 12

#5881903 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 8:02

That's because it wasn't for OP which is why it's an FML for OP.

By perdix | 29

#777986 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:11

At least your mom will know that all that money she spent on tennis lessons has finally paid off!

I hope you demonstrated the proper grip and follow-through.

raisin31408 | 0

#2256260 - Monday 28 March 2011 18:57

^win^ lmfao!!!!

By oldwiseguy | 0

#777990 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:13

Consider yourself lucky, now that you know how pathetic you are when you drink, maybe you'll turn your life around. if you can't drink without getting drunk then you are an alcoholic and need to join AA.

Vacant | 7

#778023 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:35

Yeah, because one night of getting drunk really leans toward the idea that the OP is a raging alcoholic and needs AA. What is with people jumping so ahead of everything?

timtam24 | 0

#778063 - Saturday 16 January 2010 17:37

You don't sound old and wise at all #4.

pegasus77 | 0

#778284 - Saturday 16 January 2010 20:35

Yeah, because everyone who gets drunk once in a while is an alcoholic. You don't even know the definition of an alcoholic if you think that.

yourkiddingright_fml | 0

#778386 - Saturday 16 January 2010 22:04

Not true, wiseguy! One is allowed to get drunk as long as when they are drunk they do not do stupid things or harm other people AND getting drunk is not something they do every time they drink. Then it's a problem.

By whataloadofbull | 0

#777999 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:17

Fifth.

By dzerzhinsky | 0

#778039 - Saturday 16 January 2010 17:02

fyl/ydi

By jonny2x4 | 0

#778069 - Saturday 16 January 2010 17:45

Who hasn't done that before?

Anybody?

By me5 | 0

#778141 - Saturday 16 January 2010 19:02

Just enjoy the FMLs everybody. Don't lecture trying to fix lives.. What's done is done.

By did_it_4_lulz | 0

#778180 - Saturday 16 January 2010 19:34

I LMAO'd. I've definitely been one of these photo takers and it's hilarious.

By MoobyTheCow | 2

#778292 - Saturday 16 January 2010 20:45

YDI it for being retarded. Alcohol isn't license to be an idiot. If you can't control yourself, don't drink.

Better you got this picture now than sentenced for rape later, because the courts don't care about "I was drunk LOL!"

vetter_fml | 0

#778406 - Saturday 16 January 2010 22:23

him making a giant fool of himself is a pretty large leap away from rape...

garbijmann91 | 0

#778495 - Saturday 16 January 2010 23:26

If you think that everyone who acts like a moron every now and then is a rapist, than I'm sorry, your just a fucking idiot. A self righteous idiot. Which is like 20,000 times worse. Accusing people you don't know of being rapists is just...unacceptable.