Love: Today, I dropped a tray of dirty dishes at work. I overheard... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, I dropped a tray of dirty dishes at work. I overheard a server telling a customer that I was inexperienced, so I said, "I'll have that man know this is the first time I've ever dropped something." I turned around satisfied and then dropped the tray again. The guy was in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5401

You deserved it

2015

Tweet

Share

swervelol tells us more :

Haha oh gosh this was my FML. To clarify yes I am experienced I have worked there for 8 months so far which was a few more months experience than the server in the FML, and I'm practically a veteran there as most of our staff leave in a few months I was in a bit of a rush because we were busy and while it isn't my job to bus tables for the servers I do it to help them out so I was a little peeved that this server would say something like that to a customer when I had been cleaning most of his tables for him. It was pretty funny and I went over to the customer and we had a good laugh about it.

Dangling modifier

Dad jokes, part 43884

Surrounded

By really?! - 22/3/2020 06:30

Troll level 3000

Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1812

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By stinkerweeder - United States

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42688

You deserved it

3009

Tweet

Share

By vaylosa

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35448

You deserved it

3589

Tweet

Share

By socialdisease - United States

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29702

You deserved it

5060

Tweet

Share

By nobabies

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4149

You deserved it

448

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38597

You deserved it

3368

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30226

You deserved it

4018

Tweet

Share

By Iguana - Canada - Oromocto

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14644

You deserved it

28607

Tweet

Share

By AussieG75 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45948

You deserved it

7406

Tweet

Share

By Deadbed

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1735

You deserved it

579

Tweet

Share

By verrine - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59808

You deserved it

2983

Tweet

Share

By fat - United States - Lancaster

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46114

You deserved it

4965

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - La Marque

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24532

You deserved it

7898

Tweet

Share

By Benchlover - United Kingdom

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9135

You deserved it

1096

Tweet

Share

By - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my boss, when I let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19335

You deserved it

46102

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34163

You deserved it

4317

Tweet

Share

By sewdevastated - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my mother intentionally donated the quilt that I had made for her, because, "It didn't match anything". That was $70 worth of fabric and 7 and a half weeks spent on that handiwork of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13973

You deserved it

954

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48299

You deserved it

2630

Tweet

Share

By awkwardbf - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25737

You deserved it

4805

Tweet

Share

By groomfail - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

104514

You deserved it

11619

Tweet

Share

By mster233 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33206

You deserved it

5783

Tweet

Share

By Greattitan2 - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25515

You deserved it

1849

Tweet

Share

By unamyous - United States - Canoga Park

Phone-blocked

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41469

You deserved it

4118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 17:01

OK sweaty, time for a bath

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1738

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By Lepisma - United States - College Station

Today, I was feeling queasy from the flu so I made some soup to see if it would settle my stomach. It didn't, but at least the giant burn I got on my thigh when the soup spilled hurts enough to distract from the nausea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8833

You deserved it

823

Tweet

Share

By CantWin - United States - Provo

Today, after finally applying myself and busting my butt all semester, I found out the school is accusing me of cheating because they couldn't believe I could have gotten near-perfect grades considering my grade history. If this is how society rewards academic turnarounds, why do I even bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks

17837

You deserved it

1164

Tweet

Share

By Conner Johnson

The Customer Is Clueless

Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3100

You deserved it

274

Tweet

Share

By DyingPlants - United States

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52768

You deserved it

3875

Tweet

Share

By introublenow - United States - Tallahassee

Whoops

Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16925

You deserved it

33179

Tweet

Share

By amf - United States

Today, I got fired via text. The last sentence was, "Wish you the best, take care!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31037

You deserved it

3332

Tweet

Share

By Almost Fired

Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1808

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By iswearicandrive - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26195

You deserved it

10219

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20157

You deserved it

1544

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45679

You deserved it

4875

Tweet

Share

By ShouldICallYouDaddy - United Kingdom - Grantham

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my room mate has been dating is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19125

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2381

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32026

You deserved it

4826

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9651

You deserved it

40829

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34681

You deserved it

3210

Tweet

Share

By Chris Bores - 20/11/2020 08:03 - United States - Prince Frederick

That's what a druggie would claim

Today, my family staged an intervention and demanded I go to rehab. Why? My mom found 'drug papers' in my car. It was a receipt from a routine drug screen for my job. It was also over two year- old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

905

You deserved it

58

Tweet

Share

By Lovernotafighter - United Kingdom

Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22281

You deserved it

2166

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FrozenMusic | 26

#7394889 - Monday 23 January 2017 3:50

^ maybe he has a love for dropping things

By greekmytho | 5

#7394884 - Monday 23 January 2017 3:41

Why is it labeled under love?

COMMENTS

By greekmytho | 5

#7394884 - Monday 23 January 2017 3:41

Why is it labeled under love?

Reply

Levi2411 | 37

#7394893 - Monday 23 January 2017 4:28

Maybe it's the start of a very beautiful love story. Starring the one who can't hold dishes and the other who can't stop laughing. . . on second thought, this is actually a very good plot.

By FrozenMusic | 26

#7394889 - Monday 23 January 2017 3:50

^ maybe he has a love for dropping things

By ArcaneBullshit | 21

#7394890 - Monday 23 January 2017 3:59

Were you inexperienced? Because if so the fellow employee had every right to explain why you dropped something. If not, then at least he saved you from some humiliation

By LokiDasWolf | 9

#7394912 - Monday 23 January 2017 6:01

Pride cometh before the fall of the tray

By Xdorbs | 3

#7395088 - Monday 23 January 2017 8:48

We all have out clumsy moments, no worries!

By somedudesomewher | 29

#7395213 - Monday 23 January 2017 13:40

I'm in hysterics

By swervelol | 28

#7395222 - Monday 23 January 2017 13:51

Haha oh gosh this was my FML. To clarify yes I am experienced I have worked there for 8 months so far which was a few more months experience than the server in the FML, and I'm practically a veteran there as most of our staff leave in a few months I was in a bit of a rush because we were busy and while it isn't my job to bus tables for the servers I do it to help them out so I was a little peeved that this server would say something like that to a customer when I had been cleaning most of his tables for him. It was pretty funny and I went over to the customer and we had a good laugh about it.

By iswearimhuman | 12

#7395377 - Monday 23 January 2017 18:13

Bold statement to make.

By DanaeZee | 18

#7396033 - Tuesday 24 January 2017 16:20

Nothing wrong with a little gravity test now and then.
Next time utter your battle-cry:
"For science!"

By mommiof2 | 6

#7396413 - Wednesday 25 January 2017 6:28

Why can't I see the comments