By AdamTB - 21/07/2015 17:45 - United States
I agree, your life sucks
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AdamTB tells us more.
AdamTB
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Huh, surprised this got published. Anyway, a lot of the comments are about me just taking control and dropping it and that’s probably not going to change, so I’ll just comment the reason why I haven’t now. Due to my Asperger’s, my parents feel like I am not self-sufficient and I cannot make my own decisions. Naturally, this is completely false. However, due to college being ungodly expensive, I’m living with them until I can become financially stable. Now then, onto the problem. Dropping the class is a great idea in theory, but that’s not going to happen in practice. Trust me, if I could then I would. If I drop the class, my parents will definitely know. They will then proceed to, for lack of a better phrase, bitch me out for dropping it without consulting them (which I have done, and they refused to let me drop it). They are not abusive, but can be relentless and admittedly scary at times. I’d rather take a demeaning class than have to deal with them. Does that sound like a childish reason? If it does, I don’t blame you. I’ve always been constantly told that I’m mentally and emotionally a few years behind normal people. Sometimes, I don’t know whether to believe it or not. Regardless, my best option is to just move forward with the class no matter what happens. Also, this is probably going to be brought up so I’ll just talk about it now: no, I cannot move out. They will not let me as they do not believe I could survive by myself yet. Even if I were to just run away and move out, I still don’t have the finances to buy a even an apartment room and continue with college.
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bluestripedsockm
14
That decision to drop it or not lies with you, not them. At one of the colleges I went to the school cannot discuss your student file with your parents, even if you are a minor or they paid for it. Its illegal (privacy laws). It sounds like you may have a professor who's not that good. Try switching
Read before you post - they have legal guardianship over him even though he's an adult
You are old enough to make your own decisions. Be strong and drop the class
Could you talk to the coordinators and explain how you feel about their teaching methods? Maybe they don't realise they are babying you all.
SailorSolaris
43
Check out a program called PACE at National Louis University. I have Asperger's, was in your situation (minus the class) and now have my own place. At least look into it.
Well if it's simple it's an easy A...and that might help you get perhaps a scholarship
solarsanteria
15
I hope they're pushing you to take the class because you have the condition and they think it would help you.
May I ask how the class was "condescending and insulting" apart from the "preschooler" thing ? Did they say or done something in particular ? I'm not very familiar with Asperger but haven't the people affected more intellectual capacities than others ? if so, why were they treating the class like kids ? Also, if you're supposed to be "mentally and emotionally a few years behind normal people", I guess it includes socially, however it really doesn't sound so by the way you write :) (I hope I'm not offensive in any way, I have a hard time finding the right words to express my thoughts)
LtBrenton
16
We usually do tend towards the higher end of the IQ spectrum, yes. My personal belief regarding the whole "socialization" side of things is that our social time is spent dealing with an inordinate amount more bullshit than our neurotypical peers have to, and that makes us appear irritable and antisocial. It's like the difference between working part time at your mom/dad/friend/relative's hot dog store, and manning the phones at a bank. Both are "customer service" roles, but one involves simple day to day getting along, while the other requires keeping a cheerful attitude while being treated like crap. Autism is like running your whole life in the latter scenario :P
LtBrenton
16
The fact that my explanation from the position of somebody who actually has ASD is getting downvoted, is a prime example...
I have Asperger's myself. It is true that people with AS often are way above average in certain areas, but they are also way below average in other areas. I'll give you an example. I was a straight A student all through primary and secondary school, since it involved no note-taking and my parents supervised all my homework. However, when I went to university, I miserably failed my first year. I am just unable to both listen and take notes (and there was way too much info not to take notes), and I couldn't effectively organize myself. I ended up falling behind in my homework and even missing more and more classes. After that, I changed programs, got into one that didn't necessitate taking much notes, and had more structure and teachers occasionally checking the homework and giving marks for attendance. Most people in my class complained about that, but it helped me so much. I actually graduated among the firsts of my class. As for being socially behind, you really can't judge it from comments on the internet. This is often one of the easiest ways for autistic people to express themselves. If you met me in real life, you'd most likely just find me weird, way too shy, and maybe even antisocial (which I am not, I just don't know how to go to people).
There are several preconceived notions about intellectual and developmental disabilities.
LtBrenton
16
It's not really a disability though, insofar as the disability comes from the societal reaction and not the condition itself
LtBrenton
16
@MlleMC (#58) Apologies if I'm prying too much, but how long ago was this? That's a pretty damning failure on the part of the university. Were you ever contacted to undergo a needs assessment for DSA? You should have had a dedicated note taker provided for you
Imagine how it feels for them...
His parents? Having worked with the controlling parents of students who were way more capable than their parents have them credit for, I don't give a flying **** how OP's parents feel.
I read your reason further down why you cannot drop the class. I just want to tell you a few things. First, you seem to be incredibly mature and are very well articulate. I just want you to know I support you and hope that things will get better for you in the future. I wonder if maybe there is a guidance counselor at your College that you could speak with, someone who could help you? hugs from me, I cant tell you that I know exactly what you're going through but I can say you have support. I wish there was more that I could do. I just want you to know that your feelings aren't wrong and always trust yourself. Its not your fault and you do not deserve this.
thejimler
9
OP, although your parents have the best intentions, they are not really helping you out. Growing up means learning how to be independent in your decision making and being self-sufficient, and being forced to depend on your parents for everything is going to ruin you later on in life. How will you manage to find work, move into your own home, and gain a normal social life if your parents either bar your way towards these because they personally don't approve of what you want, or they die and you are left with no idea to go about these yourself? Sometimes parents do not understand the difference between "doing what is best for my child" and selfishly "doing what is best for what *I* want for my child". As I see it there are two options, either you demand from your parents that they help you to be more self-sufficient and let you make your own life-choices, or you look at learning how to break free from their influence and support yourself. The latter option isn't preferable, but it may be the only option given, they may be offended that you don't trust their judgment and be more restrictive, cut your education off, or send you into an unaccredited 'therapy' camp (giving them guardianship is a bad move, look at changing it back). If they threatened you with these, you could call them out for selfishly resorting to blackmail to keep you under their control. Whatever you do decide, you should do it soon before any option to break free is removed. If your parents are even the slightest bit reasonable and loving, they should help you in looking after yourself.
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You're an adult. Make your own decisions
It's actually rather mature, honestly. You're doing the right thing, it doesn't cause you that much trouble and it makes your parents happy. Sometimes we just have to do things we don't want to for the sake of those who care about us.