Today I almost drowned in a swimming plool and it was the same...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By lalerg - 4/4/2021 15:10 - Thailand - Bangkok

Today I almost drowned in a swimming plool and it was the same place where I almost died when i was a kid.FML

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Instadrama

Mother of the year

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

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By Parade - United States

Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me hit a elderly man. The bus driver thought I did it on purpose and made me get off. FML

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By expassword - United States

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 23:01

Running late

Today, my in-laws missed a special event for my newborn child because they were running an hour late. They always run late and always think its funny. After 15 years, it's just not funny anymore. FML

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By Zeco - United States

Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML

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By shugette212 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

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By ribx - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

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By llozano715 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

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By octoberrain - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

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By Maju - Netherlands

Dumb, but relatable

Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML

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By breakfast tea - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

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By Susan - United States

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

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By Ouch - United States

Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML

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By steak through the heart - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

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By anon

Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia - Tartu

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

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By Bob - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

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By fretting - United States - Fort White

Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was told to put away the new toilet paper rolls. I reached in the package only for my hand to get wet, and then noticed the yellow liquid at the bottom. My cat used it as a litter box. At least, I hope it was my cat. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after massive bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, and doctor visits lasting weeks, I finally got a diagnosis... from my puppy's vet. I got Giardia from my dog. FML

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By brannie - United States

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

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By emily - United States

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

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By pussystroker - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

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By pst - South Africa

We need a break

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

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By BigBadTron - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 00:30 - United States - Decatur

Bullshit merchants in the temple

Today, I found out my mom has literally spent all her savings sending money to some bullshit-peddling megachurch televangelist, who apparently told her that giving them money would ensure her future fortune. Tithings, my ass. FML

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By Jamie - United States

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

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By KittyKat - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

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By Awkward - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

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By TheThirdWheel

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 2 years and my best friend of 10 years making out in my bedroom. I stared and when they noticed me, my boyfriend didn’t even bat an eye and suggested we have a threesome. My best friend immediately agreed. FML

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By "Anti_Sora"

Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML

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By hannieannie - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

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By Bobby The Baker

Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML