Intimacy: Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your... - FML

By mistletoe - 09/12/2013 02:21 - United States - Miami

Spicy

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 975

You deserved it 5 202

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Same thing different taste

By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Spicy

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You deserved it 3 035

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I agree, your life sucks 20 550

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I agree, your life sucks 28 798

You deserved it 5 142

What did you just say?

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I agree, your life sucks 85 251

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Limited edition prank

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I agree, your life sucks 46 712

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Miracles

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Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 778

You deserved it 1 696

Effective

By Nublet - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 447

You deserved it 5 587

Crossed wires

By hudd357mag - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 772

You deserved it 2 532

Great, just great

By lax22 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 181

You deserved it 6 316

You what now?

By starboi - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Weaver

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 921

You deserved it 1 538

Next

Top comments

hnz 13

Monday 9 December 2013 12:53

That's when you say "Yo, can I kick your ass under the mistletoe"

Ambient25 24

Monday 9 December 2013 12:54

Smack the shit out of him. I actually went to a bar before in DC and saw this pretty drunk guy try this on a girl: "Hey baby were your parents retarded? Cuz you sure are special"... I burst out laughing

Comments

Zackly 4

Monday 9 December 2013 13:32

Call him a ****** and sacrifice a goat on his front lawn

Ambient25 24

Monday 9 December 2013 13:34

take your racist ass somewhere else

JMichael 25

Monday 9 December 2013 13:40

Can I shove a rusty fork up your ass under the mistletoe?

The_Hula_Monster 10

Monday 9 December 2013 13:49

That's when you say "Do I look like some hoe hoe hoe?".

mattrd_fml 31

Monday 9 December 2013 13:49

Did you say yes?

polishguy05 15

Monday 9 December 2013 13:52

That's when you let him lean in and then knee him right in the face!

Golden_Rydes 3

Monday 9 December 2013 13:55

Is mistletoe for sale already?

katydid91 31

Monday 9 December 2013 14:13

Ugh, what a sleaze bag!!

AngelLovesDerby 10

Monday 9 December 2013 14:15

Lmao

PrincessCastiel 27

Monday 9 December 2013 14:40

That sounds pretty convincing

abusch 9

Monday 9 December 2013 14:48

Surely that would be under the cameltoe, not mistletoe?

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Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 282

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 2 433

Today, I found out that my beautiful engagement ring is a remake of the late Princess Diana's engagement ring. I also found out my fiancé bought it from an infomercial, for $19.95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 667

You deserved it 7 778

Today, the “lowlifes” from my school who smoked weed are all doing better than I am. Some have family connections in real estate or marketing; Others banded together and started now successful brands. My strict parents forbade me from socializing where I best fit in, so I have zero connections. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 202

Today, it's my birthday. My grandmother died yesterday. We were close and she basically raised me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 46

Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 144

You deserved it 3 785