Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML
Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML
Today, my first day at the job, I went up to my coworker and began to ask her name. She cut me off and snapped, “I have a name.” FML
Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML
Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML
Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but apparently, the person I'm replacing was very well-liked around my workplace. All of my co-workers hate me now for replacing someone who I don't even know. FML
Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML
Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "Mom" while at work. FML
Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may become my boss. FML
Today, I started a new job. After being trained on several obscure computer programs I'm expected to use in just one day, my new boss informed me she's going on a week long vacation starting tomorrow. She's the only other person who knows how this program runs. FML
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Top comments
asleepingbear 8
Illuminati?
TwitchingNebula 17
At least you don't have to wonder who the office nut is anymore.
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Comments (132)
awaydoggy 8
tell her to **** herself off
Shilokitten666 19
If she was joking, op will have a hard time working and if she wasnt joking op might wind up dead so ur advice is terrible
TheRandomIndian 17
Off what?
lilhellian 27
O this is an awesome lil prank..
TrinityisLife 22
I know! I need to do this to one of the new employees we're hiring xD
ICastillo 25
#14 OP should have said "I will break you" in a Drago voice. That would have been epic.
laya_fml 26
Am I crazy or is that a line from a movie?
TheRandomIndian 17
Both
noelasis94 18
Now how does that make you feel? Hopefully good because someone took an interest in your life that's always a day booster good for you to have a once secret now openly admirer
Lionesse 15
I bet that's the excuse stalkers give the police when they are caught or in trouble. "Uh, yeah, I was just trying to boost her day and make her feel special that I took an interest in her and let her know that I am openly admiring her, nothing creepy at all Officer."
Vanillanougat 14
You got lucky, only amateur assassins blow thier cover like that.
misspennycakes 7
It's called a joke
rachel_h 14
Creep.
PenguinBitch 44
Tell that you're not in any way associated with the KGB. If that doesn't work then reply with some lame shit like: "No, I'm here to destroy youuuuuuu!" And then wiggle your arms to make it more intense.
FMLJFL 5
Sounds more like an icebreaker to me...
10showgirl 16
Just say, "Oh my God! You can see me?!"