Anonymous · 8 March 2025, 03:00 ·Portland, United States

Dinner date

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Halfway through dinner, I noticed my mascara was smudging, so I tried to discreetly wipe it off with my napkin. As I looked up, my date was staring at me with wide eyes. Apparently, I had smeared it all over my face and I looked like a raccoon. He didn’t even offer to help me fix it, just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347 You deserved it 225

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htiek · 7 March 2025, 22:00 ·Thornhill, Canada

Wheeler dealer

Today, my wife ripped my head off because my brother-in-law is buying a commercial office building in Moncton and I wasn’t the agent that found him the property. I sell commercial real estate in GTA. I don’t even know where Moncton is on a map. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · 7 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Self own + Karma

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 You deserved it 1 897

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Infinimaster · 7 March 2025, 09:00 ·Gainesville, United States

Giving up my exes for Lent

Today, I was having a great night, until I went to church for Ash Wednesday. I walked in the door and let the other ushers know I was there. All was going fine until I happened to glance over at the front doors of the church and see my ex walking in. My mood was shit for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 You deserved it 404

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Anonymous · 7 March 2025, 00:00 ·Toronto, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Nag nag nag

Today, my girlfriend complained about our recent dry spell. I've been under a lot of stress at work, but I told her some things she could do to help. She decided a better idea was to scream that I don't care about her needs, and that I should never "burden her" with my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437 You deserved it 147

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Anonymous · 6 March 2025, 20:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Renewed energy

Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233 You deserved it 398

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Kayla · 6 March 2025, 15:00 ·United States

His little secret

Today, my boyfriend of over a year still refuses to acknowledge our relationship on social media because he “wants to keep things private.” He posts about his dogs, his car, gym selfies, his beer outings with the boys, even his favorite team scores, but when it comes to me, suddenly it’s “I want to keep it private.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 494 You deserved it 204

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Lili · 6 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

I'll do anything

Today, I texted my best friend, “Good luck with your date tonight! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” She replied, "Thanks! I’ll try not to, but to be honest, that’s not saying much." I meant it as a joke, but she had no idea what I meant. It seems that I accidentally implied I’m a bad influence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 404

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Anonymous · 5 March 2025, 22:00 ·Singapore, Singapore

You know what they say…

Today, after being horribly treated and dumped by five men over a span of six years, I have finally come to the conclusion that I must be the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366 You deserved it 239

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No money, honey! · 5 March 2025, 09:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Caring is sharing

Today, I got a call from the lawyer of my recently deceased neighbor, whom I once cared for. He apparently left me and his second daughter, whom he knows I had a huge crush on when we were kids, a vast amount, but we will only get it after we get married. He had severe dementia, and she's already been married for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538 You deserved it 66

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Sky Deleter · 4 March 2025, 22:00 ·Brooklyn, United States

Punching

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. My dad took one look at him, sighed and said, "You deserve someone better. Someone who is responsible, and has their priorities straight in life." Beyond upset, I told my dad that I love him. My dad disgruntledly responded, "I was talking to him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 428 You deserved it 213

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dykerino · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Vancouver, Canada

Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175 You deserved it 7 718

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Leighton on C · 3 March 2025, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Miscommunication

Today, I was texting my crush and I wanted to send him a cute emoji to show I was thinking of him. Instead of sending the "heart eyes" emoji, I hit the "poop" emoji. The worst part? He responded with, "Yeah, I'm a piece of shit, thanks for reminding me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 You deserved it 397

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jon · 3 March 2025, 20:00 ·San Diego, United States

FOMO

Today, I woke up feeling unlovable after my ex left me for a wealthy BMW owner last week. I clocked into my job at CVS. I had a teenage surfer guy purchasing magnum condoms, a drunk guy buying liquor with two hot blondes around his shoulders, and my high school crush came in to buy plan B. My youth is passing me by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421 You deserved it 139

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Nadia · 3 March 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Which way now?

Today, it's been two years since my fiancé proposed, drunk, and with no ring. Recently, I overheard him on a Zoom call with a work colleague who'd not talked to him since he was with his last girlfriend, who was much more attractive than I am. The colleague asked if they were still together and he lied and said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 132

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SuperBunny · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 026 You deserved it 62 612

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he didnt know · 2 March 2025, 20:00 ·San Diego, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Appalling behavior

Today, I showed my best friend a picture of my new girlfriend. He gave me a high five, followed up with, "Looks like we're Eskimo bros!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Old dog, new tricks

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 032 You deserved it 47 450

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Health nut

Today, my boyfriend has always been a health nut, but he's really started going off the deep end lately. He's gone from just disliking fast food to a lunatic yelling about organ meat (YUCK), seed oils, and microplastics, as well as other things I don't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 196

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 00:00 ·Anaheim, United States

Hey good lookin'

Today, I realized that whether it takes me 3 minutes or 3 hours to get ready, my husband always has the same reaction, “Uh… yeah babe, you look fine.” Thanks for the confidence boost babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183 You deserved it 442

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 15:00 ·Germany

Nightmare

Today, I have the perfect life. The best husband, two well behaved kids, a well paying job, and a happy home. But I just pick random fights with my husband, instigating him into shouting for no reason. I guess I want problems to be happy. My whole soul wants peace, except my stupid brain and hormones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 842

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 00:00 ·Staten Island, United States

Young love

Today, I need help getting over my ex. We are always in the same class and now recently he has been giving me mixed feelings like he has been staring and smiling a little bit at me just like how he did in the beginning of our love and relationship. Please help! I wanna get over him! FML

I agree, your life sucks 336 You deserved it 169

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Anonymous · 28 February 2025, 00:00 ·Spokane, United States

Making a scene

Today, I was at a coffee shop with my boyfriend when we got into a little argument. I was trying to keep it calm and quiet, but my boyfriend yelled, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS TO ME!" The entire coffee shop went silent. Then, an old lady yelled, “Finally, someone said it!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 180 You deserved it 389

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Vicky · 27 February 2025, 22:00 ·Carson City, United States

Welcome!

Today, I was showing my new boyfriend around my apartment. Everything was going great until my cat decided to make his grand entrance by vomiting directly on the rug in front of him. My boyfriend paused, then said, “Well, at least he’s honest about his feelings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 392 You deserved it 92

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graveyard-sh*t · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Oh, hi Sharon!

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396 You deserved it 269

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Bengt · 27 February 2025, 15:00 ·Lidingoe, Sweden

Are you sure she wasn't messing with you?

Today, I was chatting with an American woman I met on a dating app. All was going well until she told me the names of her two kids. She had seriously named them "Trump" and "Maga." FML

I agree, your life sucks 562 You deserved it 142

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Anonymous · 26 February 2025, 20:00 ·Ferrieres, Belgium 🌶️ Spicy

Just awesome

Today, it was my first time with my new boyfriend. I told him what an awesome body he has. He seemed a little embarrassed and stuttered, "Uh, well, uh, you have nice eyes." Goodbye self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433 You deserved it 149

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Gloucester, United Kingdom

Tough crowd

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 511 You deserved it 30 716

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Glen · 26 February 2025, 00:00 ·Ooty, India 🌶️ Spicy

Mixed emotions

Today, my girlfriend of 5 months walked in on me naked while I was on the toilet. She proceeded to tell me that she wants to watch me taking a dump. I'm both shocked and too hard to do what she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424 You deserved it 167

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Emotional Damage · 25 February 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Unboyfriendable

Today, my little cousin, who just got a boyfriend, found out I've been single my whole life. She asked, "Is it because you're really ugly and awkward?" Yes. Yes, it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515 You deserved it 106

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