Pinguicula · 16 October 2024, 22:00 ·New York, United States

Tender moment between bros

Today, I accompanied my dad to the airport for him to say goodbye forever to his childhood best friend. After their "dude goodbyes", right as they turned away, they started to whimper, did a sad squee-like sound, faced each other, then hugged and cried like kids. I have no idea if I should laugh, be sad, or get embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 You deserved it 722

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Anonymous · 15 October 2024, 06:00 ·United Kingdom

Extreme bathtimes

Today, I am a silly man who thought I could still get in and out of the bath at 76 years-old, even though I have only had showers for the past 15 years. So, when I got stuck in the bath, I had to call my poor wife to come and help my naked ass stand up, and yes, she asked me to write this for laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565 You deserved it 144

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Anonymous · 14 October 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Argument ender

Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 You deserved it 436

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Anonymous · 14 October 2024, 16:00

In the doghouse

Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458 You deserved it 102

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Anonymous · 14 October 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Get back here!

Today, I left my apartment window open for some fresh air. When I returned, my idiot cat was on the balcony staring at me... from my neighbor’s apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206 You deserved it 396

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Aaaaaaaah · 13 October 2024, 20:00 ·New Zealand

This is fine

Today, I started a new job. As I was introducing myself during the morning get together with the team, I forgot how old I was, and panicked. I ended up saying I was "twenty-fine." I’m 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219 You deserved it 333

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Anonymous · 13 October 2024, 06:00 ·Akron, United States

Happens to the best of us

Today, I got ready for work half-asleep, grabbed my coffee, and walked out the door. It wasn’t until I was in the elevator that I realized I was also holding the TV remote instead of my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327 You deserved it 202

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Anonymous · 9 October 2024, 12:00 ·Boulder, United States

Bad day, huh?

Today, I got a flat tire. While trying to change it, I dropped my phone down a storm drain. I had to hitchhike home, and the guy who picked me up told me he wasn't even sure I wasn't a serial killer. I told him I wasn't. He then said, "That's what a serial killer would say." FML

I agree, your life sucks 359 You deserved it 131

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Celeste · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·Singapore

Naptime

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 022 You deserved it 3 338

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PaulineIsHere · 6 October 2024, 20:00 ·Winnipeg, Canada

Apex predator

Today, I bought my cat a catnip-filled toy that's shaped like a fish. He pounced on it, wrestled with it, and then got so scared of it for no reason that he dashed full speed into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 131

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Anonymous · 6 October 2024, 09:00 ·Exeter, United Kingdom

Nice day for a walk

Today, I waved at a baby in a stroller whilst walking past a pub's beer garden. The baby didn't wave back. Instead, the 'mum' turned around and said, 'Why are you waving at my bag?' I then realised that it wasn't a baby stroller, just a big purse with a blanket over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141 You deserved it 408

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Anonymous · 5 October 2024, 16:00 ·Myrtle Beach, United States

Good boy

Today, I bought a fancy automatic ball launcher for my dog. When I demonstrated it, my dog watched the ball fly through the air, then charged at the launcher instead, thinking it was the toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337 You deserved it 125

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Honky

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 551 You deserved it 5 257

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Anonymous · 2 October 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

QC issue

Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298 You deserved it 514

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manchild bf · 2 October 2024, 06:00 ·New York, United States

Fun fun fun!

Today, my boyfriend was helping me with my medications. While I called the pharmacy, I looked over and saw him making the pill bottles fight each other, with sound effects and funny voices. He's 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 You deserved it 493

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Philomena · 1 October 2024, 00:00 ·Auckland, New Zealand

Cats gonna be cats

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 178 You deserved it 398

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Shazz · 28 September 2024, 14:00 ·Canada

I'm gonna make you a star

Today, it was brought to my attention that the cute video of my cat snoring like a warthog that I posted to Instagram was on my company’s official Instagram account instead of my personal one. No one noticed until it had been up for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 You deserved it 504

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Busted ears · 28 September 2024, 09:00 ·United States

The good son

Today, as I was taking care of my mom while my dad was at work, she fell asleep. This would be fine, except she has one of the worst cases of sleep apnea ever recorded. Her snores are so loud, they almost sound like gunshots. I can't leave her alone or block out the sound in case she stops breathing for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344 You deserved it 90

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Anonymous · 27 September 2024, 20:00 ·Australia

Charming

Today, I was on a date, everything was charming and fun, so I went in for a kiss. She turned her head at the last second, and I ended up kissing her ear. We both went on to pretend that it didn’t happen, but the silence was deafening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 119

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Anonymous · 25 September 2024, 22:00 ·Canyon Country, United States

Body horror

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend. I was the little spoon. His hand moved to my chest (I'm less than an A-cup, but very full on my bottom half), and I playfully said, "No! Don’t touch my chest!" He replied, "Huh? I thought that was your rib cage!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 360 You deserved it 183

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boobswerehere · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Reno, United States

The nickname that sticks

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 995 You deserved it 1 585

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anon · 23 September 2024, 20:00 ·Montréal, Canada

His type

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mom stared at me throughout dinner before finally blurting out, "I'm sorry, I can't get past the fact that you look just like his ex!" It turns out I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548 You deserved it 82

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Hollyisacat · 21 September 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Justice for Holly!

Today, my father was serious when he said he was going to “disown Holly for being a wh*re” and getting pregnant at a young age. First of all, Holly is our cat; second, this wouldn’t have happened if my parents took her to get spayed like the vet said, and kept her inside instead of letting her roam the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514 You deserved it 89

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Anonymous · 21 September 2024, 06:00 ·Sierra Vista, United States

Cute trick

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. As the cop approached my car, my cat appeared out of nowhere, seemingly jumping out of behind the passenger seat, ran up my arm, and sat on my shoulder with his eyes like satellite dishes. The officer was too busy laughing to give me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 170

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Marina · 20 September 2024, 06:00 ·Australia

Spooked

Today, I was FaceTiming with my mum when she interrupted me to ask who 'the man behind me' was. I live alone, so I had a bit of a jump scare moment. She was so proud of her 'hilarious' prank, her laugh still haunts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489 You deserved it 101

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P…… · 20 September 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Once you pop…

Today, not an hour after my girlfriend lectured me on boundaries and "my body, my rules", she threw an epic tantrum because I wouldn't let her pop a pimple on my ear. Apparently, only she gets to have boundaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553 You deserved it 97

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Collector's items

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled, "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 896 You deserved it 4 085

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Anonymous · 19 September 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

No refunds

Today, after my 4 year-old was so excited to be a big sister, hugging my belly every chance she got, counting down the days till the due date, my son was born this morning. She took one look at him and declared, “I don’t like him, leave him here, do we have to keep him?” then started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590 You deserved it 153

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Anonymous · 17 September 2024, 22:00 ·Germany

Skittish

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping into his arms. He panicked, stepped aside, and I crashed into the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 You deserved it 514

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ACHOOOOOOO · 15 September 2024, 06:00 ·United States

The babysitter's handbook

Today, I am babysitting my niece for the first time. After getting her to go to sleep, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze. My sneezes are loud as hell. Attempts to dampen the sound were unsuccessful. My colossal sneeze scared the bejesus out of her, waking her up again, and now she's afraid of me. What do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 404 You deserved it 188

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