Anonymous · 15 February 2025, 03:00 ·Fort Lauderdale, United States

Cats hate romance

Today, I made a heart-shaped pancake for my girlfriend as a surprise Valentine's Day breakfast. I flipped it too hard, and it landed on my cat. The cat then ran around the house with a pancake cape, and the surprise was ruined by the cat bolting into the bedroom, waking my girlfriend up, who's not a morning person at the best of times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372 You deserved it 175

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Gary · 15 February 2025, 00:00 ·Alton, United Kingdom

Make it make sense

Today, my 3 year-old was trying to learn some simple spelling. She then proceeded to have an absolute meltdown because I said my name doesn’t have an ‘N’ in it. My name is Gary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · 9 February 2025, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Never enough

Today, I made the mistake of being competent at chores, so according to my wife I’m trying to show her up, because I don’t appreciate her contribution to the household, and I secretly think she’s useless, blah blah. I had a day off so I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Lock me up, I’m guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564 You deserved it 82

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Anonymous · 9 February 2025, 12:00 ·United States

External validation

Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 454 You deserved it 107

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Pain · 6 February 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Intruder alert!

Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329 You deserved it 149

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Anonymous · 5 February 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Rocks

Today, I baked my boyfriend his favorite cookies for his birthday. Well, I tried. I followed the recipe, but they somehow turned out diamond hard. When he tried to bite into one, he chipped a tooth. Instead of being mad, he laughed and said, “At least you tried.” Now I’m stuck with inedible cookies and a dentist's bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412 You deserved it 150

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Gilbert · 4 February 2025, 00:00 ·Buena Vista, United States

Heartwarming

Today, I made a snowman with my little sister. We spent ages rolling snowballs and decorating it with a scarf and hat. When we'd finished, she hugged it so hard that it collapsed. She cried, so I promised to build another one. It’s been three hours, my fingers are numb, but her smile is worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462 You deserved it 129

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Anonymous · 1 February 2025, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Beaming with pride

Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405 You deserved it 120

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Anonymous · 31 January 2025, 12:00 ·United States

No thanks!

Today, I was at a wedding, and during the bouquet toss, I stood back and let the single ladies have their moment. The bouquet flew straight at me, hit me in the face, and I instinctively grabbed it. Now everyone thinks I’m desperate to get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 121

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Pete · 29 January 2025, 22:00 ·Perth, Australia

I'm sorry

Today, I spent 20 minutes practicing a heartfelt apology to my girlfriend for forgetting our anniversary. When I finally delivered it, she stared at me blankly and said, “Our anniversary is next week.” Now I’ve apologised for nothing, and she knows I’ll probably forget the actual date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 You deserved it 569

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He's special · 29 January 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Needy smol bean baby

Today, my cat keeps walking into my room and screaming at me to pay attention to him. When I try to do so, he moves away. Then he yells at me from a distance. I don't wanna play this game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327 You deserved it 190

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Anonymous · 26 January 2025, 00:00 ·United States

PUA in training

Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 You deserved it 445

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Anonymous · 25 January 2025, 03:00 ·Australia

A cute one for a change

Today, I planned a romantic picnic date. I packed all my boyfriend’s favorite foods, set up a cozy blanket, and even brought flowers. The second we sat down, it started raining. We ate soggy sandwiches in my car while laughing at our “perfect date.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 440 You deserved it 134

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Karen · 24 January 2025, 22:00 ·Solon, United States

My life is average

Today, I fell asleep while watching Rocky and Bullwinkle. I then had an extremely vivid dream that I was going after Russian spies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322 You deserved it 134

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Anonymous · 24 January 2025, 09:00 ·Dublin, Ireland

Not a wife guy

Today, I went to a restaurant with my mother, where the waiter complimented my "wife". I'm not 18, and she's over 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433 You deserved it 91

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Anonymous · 23 January 2025, 15:00 ·Australia

Good boy

Today, I taught my dog to "give me his paw" as a cute trick. Now he won’t stop doing it. Anytime I try to eat, work, or sit down, I’m ambushed by a very proud dog pawing at my leg for treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245 You deserved it 300

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Mommy · 23 January 2025, 12:00 ·Winchester, United States

It's the thought that counts

Today, my toddler proudly presented me a "beautiful drawing" he'd made... on my freshly painted living room wall. When I started to scold him, he said, "But I made it for YOU, Mommy!" Now I feel guilty for being mad at Picasso Jr, and having to paint over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 176

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Anonymous · 22 January 2025, 22:00 ·Loughborough, United Kingdom

Homemaker

Today, my daughter found a bag of googly eyes I'd bought for a craft project I'd completely forgot about. She spent the day sticking them on random objects around the house. I now have a microwave that looks like it’s judging me for using it too much instead of actually cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 You deserved it 383

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Anonymous · 22 January 2025, 09:00 ·Montréal, Canada

Born slippy

Today, I took my date ice skating, even though I’m terrible at it. I always knew I had shit balance, but I practically spent the entire time clinging to the wall, while she glided gracefully around me like an Olympic skater. At one point, she laughed and said, "You’re graceful like a cat… slipping across a frozen patio!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 370

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Anonymous · 22 January 2025, 03:00 ·Burlington, United States

Go get it

Today, I was excited to teach my new puppy how to fetch. I threw the stick, and he just stared at it, then stared back at me with his tongue lolling out, as if to say, "You threw it. You go get it." I’ve now spent the past 30 minutes fetching my own stick, hoping he'd join in. Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 341

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Anonymous · 21 January 2025, 15:00 ·Lower Hutt, New Zealand

Quack quack quack!

Today, my son admitted that he worked out how to make a fuse in my house's fusebox blow, by turning on all the appliances and lights in the house at once. He's done it three days in a row because when the lights go out, I 'scream and act like Donald Duck, but with swearing' and it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407 You deserved it 194

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Anonymous · 20 January 2025, 00:00 ·Detroit, United States

I know her so well

Today, I spent a good deal of my afternoon preparing a nice dinner for my girlfriend. When I finally served the meal, I proudly presented her with a beautifully arranged plate of salmon. She looked at it and said, “You know I’m allergic to fish, right?” We had cereal for dinner instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179 You deserved it 767

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Mamaof2 · 11 January 2025, 15:00 ·Las Vegas, United States

Little angel

Today, I was having dinner with my husband and two toddlers. My two year-old son was being incredibly cute and independently drinking water out of an open cup. I commented on how much I loved him. Two seconds later, he threw said cup with water at my head and started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380 You deserved it 179

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Keith · 7 January 2025, 12:00 ·South Africa

Tender moment

Today, I was in the middle of a romantic dinner when I went to say something sweet, only to have rogue hiccups interrupt my sentence. It sounded like I was saying, "I love you... hic... forever... hic... and ever." The mood was ruined because she now thinks it means that I didn't mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440 You deserved it 100

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Fern · 6 January 2025, 00:00 ·Germany

Nom nom nom

Today, I used a new body wash that smells like vanilla cookies. My dog spent the entire day chasing me around and trying to lick my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382 You deserved it 169

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joe · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Easton, United States

The big reveal

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 127 You deserved it 8 782

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Christine · 30 December 2024, 15:00 ·Salt Lake City, United States

Been there, done that

Today, I mistook a mannequin in a store for a real person and apologized when I bumped into it. A staff member saw and said, "Don’t worry, he’s used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 407 You deserved it 119

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takinabreak · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Manly man

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "Radiance Ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "Radiance Ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 254 You deserved it 33 895

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Alison · 23 December 2024, 16:00 ·Reno, United States

Not so secret

Today, during our office Secret Santa gift exchange, I unwrapped my gift to find a mug that says, "World’s Okayest Employee." Everyone laughed. My boss added, "Well, it’s accurate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 389 You deserved it 142

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Uri · 20 December 2024, 09:00 ·Chattanooga, United States

Menace to society

Today, I sneezed so hard during a meeting that my glasses flew off and hit my boss in the face. Now everyone keeps jokingly ducking every time I look their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440 You deserved it 121

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