A pasting for pasties By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom Today, some bloke pushed me to the floor and kicked me twice in the head so he could steal, no joke, the two Greggs pasties I just bought. He wasn’t homeless either, he had designer jeans and a giant iPhone, and he did it in broad daylight with witnesses. What the hell? FML I agree, your life sucks 1 165 You deserved it 91 Share Tweet Share
Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. from a nightmare in which my stalker ex was my Uber driver, but I woke up before he killed me. I fell back asleep and woke up after several more people attacked me and I fought them off with pepper spray, and found out more people were looking for me because they got 13 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 286 You deserved it 89
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 573 You deserved it 1 266
Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML I agree, your life sucks 16 988 You deserved it 1 732
Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML I agree, your life sucks 31 511 You deserved it 1 944
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML I agree, your life sucks 37 681 You deserved it 6 179
Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML I agree, your life sucks 20 684 You deserved it 63 033