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Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

by homersgirl / 09/30/2009 at 4:28am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

Today, it's either be alone and miserable, or go on shitty dates and be miserable. I have no other options. FML

by mr1234 / 12/01/2014 at 11:01pm / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got in trouble for missing my shift. According to my idiot boss, "Crashes don't just happen." FML

by yeah / 07/17/2015 at 10:59am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

by not as scarred as he should be / 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

by jpmetz / 09/26/2011 at 12:29am / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I got excited because I found a chat line for teens who are dealing with depression. I signed up and was about to enter the chat room and then a message popped up that said ''Sorry this is only available for teens in the United Kingdom.'' FML

by Hannah / 02/28/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

by anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 1:05am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

by imwithapples22 / 01/29/2013 at 11:39am / United States / Work

Today, I got an expensive return bus ticket to visit my family 200 miles away. I accidentally tore the ticket when taking it from the machine, but the driver said not to worry, as it would still be accepted on the way back. Guess who's still 200 miles from home. FML

by dumbbus / 04/01/2015 at 7:24pm / United Kingdom (Stockton-on-Tees) / Transportation

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 1:18am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

by Johnnogood / 10/09/2012 at 9:57am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 3:17pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous