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Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

#8994102
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (3098)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:44am - health - by captainkevineff - United States

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

#19692840
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (7756)

On 05/28/2012 at 9:55am - money - by dammit33 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

#20045057
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (2185) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (1815)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

#8246413
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20680) - you deserved it (4162)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:32am - love - by Fv-day (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

#6695498
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20679) - you deserved it (11682)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:52pm - misc - by NotHauteCouture (woman) - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

#20440111
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20680) - you deserved it (21876)

On 01/03/2013 at 1:47am - love - by Brad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20677) - you deserved it (5198)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

#2383
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20675) - you deserved it (9713)

On 01/23/2009 at 8:03pm - love - by Durrrrrr - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

#8875274
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20675) - you deserved it (1798)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by ThoroughlyCreepedOut (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

#20496085
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20675) - you deserved it (38116)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by dab1230 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML

#19207356
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20674) - you deserved it (3192)

On 03/03/2012 at 3:27am - health - by fingerhut - United States (California)

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

#19755806
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20670) - you deserved it (3436)

On 06/08/2012 at 3:45pm - misc - by hackshack (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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