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Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML

by WayToGoDaddyHo / 07/08/2015 at 2:17am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

by jpmetz / 09/26/2011 at 12:29am / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

by dBLIZZARD / 06/09/2015 at 2:39pm / United States / Animals

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

by Wow / 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML

by pits / 01/04/2015 at 11:30pm / Geek

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

by sexyyy / 12/07/2009 at 2:18pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Love

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

by ktwithaq / 10/18/2010 at 7:27am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

by Sparks / 03/13/2011 at 3:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML

by toughbf / 09/27/2011 at 4:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML

by whyme / 07/13/2011 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

by Weasel123 / 10/26/2012 at 3:58am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

by aishyaslife89 / 10/06/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I got excited because I found a chat line for teens who are dealing with depression. I signed up and was about to enter the chat room and then a message popped up that said ''Sorry this is only available for teens in the United Kingdom.'' FML

by Hannah / 02/28/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Health