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Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

#19026198
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25465) - you deserved it (2042)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

#13801258
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25464) - you deserved it (3850)

On 11/11/2010 at 11:53am - work - by khaelian - United States (Illinois)

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

#20749580
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25463) - you deserved it (46229)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by authorx - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

#19635383
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25463) - you deserved it (1835)

On 05/17/2012 at 1:05am - misc - by secret_source (woman) - United States

Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML

#19673132
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25461) - you deserved it (2231)

On 05/24/2012 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

#21344628
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25461) - you deserved it (2698)

On 01/26/2015 at 5:19pm - misc - by Yellow an (man) - United States

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

#6256305
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25459) - you deserved it (14525)

On 11/11/2009 at 11:03am - health - by Timetoloseweight (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got turned down from a job I really wanted. Six hours later, the guy called me again and delivered the same news, not realizing he had already called this morning. Thanks for rubbing it in. FML

#14704290
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25459) - you deserved it (2337)

On 01/24/2011 at 11:24pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

#19812569
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25459) - you deserved it (16229)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Shelby - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

#5222877
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25459) - you deserved it (4730)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:04am - intimacy - by sunlightchild_14 (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

#17630283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25458) - you deserved it (2042)

On 08/31/2011 at 2:45pm - work - by chicoallen - United States

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

#18954605
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25452) - you deserved it (9517)

On 01/30/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by upupandaway (woman) - United States (New York)



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