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Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

by / 12/30/2008 at 5:41am / Health

Today, I was talking about an essay I'd written for a class that was due to be turned in online days ago. I thought mine was well written and I'd even finished it a couple of days early so I wouldn't forget about it. After a few minutes of talking and feeling proud, I realized that I forgot to turn it in. FML

by Akoni / 03/26/2015 at 5:53am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fell asleep while watching an action movie. My newly installed surround sound system scared me so bad that I fell off the couch and smashed my face on our coffee table. FML

by nataliepaige / 07/19/2011 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

by SFra / 10/23/2012 at 9:19pm / United States / Love

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

by A / 02/09/2012 at 1:37am / United States / Animals

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

by Alec / 12/10/2012 at 2:01am / United States / Transportation

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

by Polmkk / 08/07/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 1:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

by AK-47 / 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first job interview for eight months. My interviewer noticeably yawned during my reply to the first question. FML

by Kebabjoon / 04/29/2011 at 7:36am / Spain / Work

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

by boss_daughter / 05/20/2015 at 8:03am / United States / Work