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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

#392
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17622) - you deserved it (40427)

On 11/26/2008 at 1:18am - misc - by ripo95 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

#19218183
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17622) - you deserved it (5414)

On 03/05/2012 at 12:12am - health - by wtbfiber (man) - United States

Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML

#20042959
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17622) - you deserved it (2059)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:05pm - money - by Tanuki_paws - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

#3403324
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17620) - you deserved it (49952)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by kelscait (woman) - United States

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

#13982086
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17620) - you deserved it (8372)

On 11/26/2010 at 12:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17618) - you deserved it (3625)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

#6579311
387 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17618) - you deserved it (73568)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:55am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17617) - you deserved it (41128)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

#5094881
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17616) - you deserved it (49063)

On 09/07/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by EyesOffMe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

#8765268
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17616) - you deserved it (2099)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Lin - United States (California)

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

#19847830
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17616) - you deserved it (4142)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

#14802825
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17609) - you deserved it (62456)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by seepeezy32 -

Today, at my job at the mall, our music malfunctioned and now will only play the same three songs over and over again. Our manager won't let us turn it off because "the customers won't notice". FML

#20031862
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17607) - you deserved it (1208)

On 08/20/2012 at 12:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore



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