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Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

#14023923
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23845) - you deserved it (50729)

On 11/29/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was at a window seat on a bus full of people when I saw a person lying motionless in a gutter. I jumped up, nearly hysterical, screaming for the driver to stop because there was a guy really hurt on the road. An emergency stop and huge commotion ensued. It turned out to be some garbage. FML

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

#13496435
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23843) - you deserved it (4822)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:27am - work - by ktwithaq (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

#19510185
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23840) - you deserved it (6086)

On 04/22/2012 at 8:09am - kids - by Mary Kathryn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

#20121390
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23839) - you deserved it (3382)

On 10/17/2012 at 6:58pm - love - by DrugsRX (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23838) - you deserved it (6958)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

#13081151
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23837) - you deserved it (8677)

On 09/17/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by happy bday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

#20161095
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23835) - you deserved it (3990)

On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

#18408881
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23835) - you deserved it (5830)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:14am - animals - by inpain - United States (California)

Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

#19716436
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23833) - you deserved it (3789)

On 06/01/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by kay (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

#6719258
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23832) - you deserved it (2043)

On 12/12/2009 at 4:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

#13024649
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23831) - you deserved it (2702)

On 09/12/2010 at 8:08pm - misc - by tenthousandspoon - New Zealand (Auckland)



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