Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

by homealone / 05/03/2012 at 12:39am / Canada / Love

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 3:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

by smileytheface / 12/05/2011 at 10:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, it was my twenty-first birthday, and a couple of friends took me out to celebrate. After ordering us shots throughout the night, my friends took off abruptly, leaving me with my very first bar tab. FML

by Chamorru / 08/11/2012 at 1:53pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

by 3hoursleftofwork / 03/28/2012 at 2:02pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Animals

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

by raesos91 / 09/18/2012 at 7:56am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML

by anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 4:19am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 1:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn't want to pay for the house she didn't want me to have in the divorce, and didn't bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2010 at 11:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

by ohgodwhyfml / 11/28/2015 at 9:32am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

by babysitter / 01/06/2011 at 12:57am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy