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Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

#20005444
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19967) - you deserved it (2335)

On 08/06/2012 at 7:20am - misc - by Spockx - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

#6903052
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19964) - you deserved it (2060)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:56pm - misc - by fml_forever32 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

#13251603
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19965) - you deserved it (3170)

On 09/29/2010 at 5:29pm - health - by bitter cherry - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19963) - you deserved it (50034)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

#8835059
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19963) - you deserved it (3146)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:51pm - misc - by Grossed_out (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was lying on the sofa when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer in time. I knocked over my laptop, and kicked my guitar into a glass causing it to smash. It was a wrong number. FML

#14534217
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19959) - you deserved it (10091)

On 01/10/2011 at 3:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Isle of Man

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML

#19312067
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19962) - you deserved it (6171)

On 03/20/2012 at 1:49am - love - by notsober - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19958) - you deserved it (41632)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

#18513189
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19954) - you deserved it (25118)

On 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

#20109382
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19953) - you deserved it (3161)

On 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm - kids - by fionnathehuman - United States

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

#6437512
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19953) - you deserved it (4867)

On 11/24/2009 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by deathbysnoosnoo - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came to my workplace and presented me with a lock of his hair. His pubic hair that he'd just cut. FML

#8507226
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19948) - you deserved it (2622)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:32am - intimacy - by emih (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures of a little girl, I kept telling the girl to stop making silly faces when she smiles because her eyes go cross-eyed. After the third time I said it her mom grabbed the little girl and left. Turns out, she was naturally cross-eyed. FML

#852242
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19944) - you deserved it (52467)

On 04/07/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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