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Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20703) - you deserved it (2911)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my shitty school reports from when I was his age. FML

#493
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20698) - you deserved it (6516)

On 12/11/2008 at 7:21am - kids - by fataldisease - Sent from mobile version

Today, I told my 10 year old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML

#1565
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20698) - you deserved it (3117)

On 01/18/2009 at 9:30am - kids - by NVP - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

#18650624
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20695) - you deserved it (3412)

On 12/30/2011 at 2:13am - misc - by 3peeps - United States

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

#8219030
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20694) - you deserved it (6107)

On 02/13/2010 at 7:29pm - work - by firedofbirthday - Sent from mobile version

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

#19411830
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20693) - you deserved it (1717)

On 04/05/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by I hate nasty people - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

#13818357
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20692) - you deserved it (6664)

On 11/12/2010 at 7:24pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

#8994102
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20690) - you deserved it (3098)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:44am - health - by captainkevineff - United States

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

#19806951
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20688) - you deserved it (2925)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:05pm - misc - by Myriam (woman) - Maldives (Maale)

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

#6695498
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20689) - you deserved it (11682)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:52pm - misc - by NotHauteCouture (woman) - United States

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

#20047681
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20687) - you deserved it (1315)

On 08/29/2012 at 9:12am - health - by jdch_99 - United States

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

#8246413
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20686) - you deserved it (4163)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:32am - love - by Fv-day (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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